Feeling trapped ( unplanned pregnancy)
I don’t know where to ask for advice and I hope this is the right sub
I 25M and my girlfriend 23F are expecting a child. This post will not be short and may contain some grammatical errors because English is not my native language.
We talked about this scenario many times because I admitted that this could happen and came to the conclusion that we can't afford a child right now.
I'm not even against children, but definitely not in our situation. We barely make ends meet, even though I work at a fairly high paying job by the standards of my country and city. My girlfriend also works a part time job and although she earns way less than me, it helped us to stay afloat and sometimes even have some extra money.
Then everything turned upside down, my girlfriend got a bunch of loans behind my back, which she was not able to pay and our financial situation became much worse as I began to pull all our expenses on myself and with the additional credit load we simply had no money left. A couple of times I helped her close the loans but she was getting new ones again and again without informing me. And so we have come to the point where no one has money at all.
I was ready to break up because of this, I understood that it would not lead to anything good, although she has cheated on me the same day we “broke up”. But surprise, she said she was pregnant! In the current financial situation, it is simply impossible to have a child. I understand that this is a huge financial responsibility and the fact that i wanted absolutely nothing to do with this woman makes me even more depressed. We can't afford a child when we can barely sustain ourselves.
She decided to keep the pregnancy despite my arguments and persuasions, I really tried to talk calmly and clearly, but she was simply saying that we will manage somehow. And I decided to stay, hoping that things will get easier and out of sense of duty.
They didn’t. From that moment on, I don't even feel alive, it’s like I’m living in a fucking dream and wish everything that’s happening wasn’t real. I feel that our whole life, including mine, has gone downhill and I just don't see a way to get it together anymore, sometimes I just want to disappear and feel trapped without the right to leave, because no matter what I try to change, it wont affect the situation much if not at all. I’m feeling like everything doesn’t matter anymore…
I have very strong symptoms of depression and I don’t even have money to talk to a therapist about it.
Well, that was quite a whining, but I really really want to hear your advice