I want to be there doing it. I love my partner and he makes me feel good. But I can't help but get incredibly anxious at the start (that ridiculous hurdle that comes with deciding to do something and not being able to start even if you want to because.... brain), then not being able to focus during the act itself. It makes me only have really awesome sex when I am sliiightly inebriated, which is not a habit I want to create for myself.
Sometimes what helps is imagining an author describing the scenario or how the situation would be framed if it were in a movie. Is this disassociating?? It honestly helps me remember that the situation I'm in is hot. Why can't I be engaged just doing the damn thing? I fantasize about it enough but when I'm doing it I feel my head going in about 5,000 different directions. I wish I could hit my flow state with sex like I do other activities, but sex is so involved and I'm so easily distracted. GAH.
It's honestly more difficult, too, being older and "allowed" to be having sex. I was able to focus and enjoy it more when I was a teenager because there was the goal of not getting caught. I got no thrill from the idea or the danger of it, just a sense of direction.
Does anyone have any techniques for getting in the moment?