Not sure how to feel about what happened.
I am a M34 and my wife is F31.
To give a bit of background, we have been in the scene just over 2 years. We set out with a lot of boundaries that were removed as time went on. Within 3 or so month's, the only boundary really had was no anal (we do it only between ourselves at the moment, possibly down the line open it to other people).
We are a pretty good couple with our communication, and it has made our relationship stronger as we get faced with new challenges.
But this particular event happened this weekend. We were invited to our first play event. We have been to plenty of social events, and played in the rooms available at them, but this would be new to us.
I have suffered from performance anxiety which took us out of the scene from September 2025 and we truly aren't fully back in it yet as I still have more of myself to work on to feel fully confident in my ability. So we agreed, to leave the FOMO at home, and just do no play at the event and just scope it out. As the night went on and we were watching people play, I got the want to give my wife oral in front of an audience. But I was going to stick to myself not being seen to, she agreed and we had a blast, anxiety of having people watching was soon forgotten and I enjoyed it.
Not much time had passed and I managed to tease a woman we have played with previously at our home and I also gave her oral which my wife joined and played too, she is important to the story in a sense, we will call her Alison. She wanted to tend to me but I said no, I wasn't going to be in action tonight and just want her to enjoy being pleasured.
That was done, had a good night chatting, I find my wife and she's talking to Alison's partner, we will call him Alan. So Alan was joking with my wife that he wanted to put her on the swing, which she was intrigued by. She has never had sex on a swing before. So she asked was it ok with me, we haven't played with him before, but Ive chatted with him and trust him, plus we have played with his wife solo, so fair is fair. I agreed and was excited at watching it.
He took his time coming up while my wifes legs were open wide due to being strapped high on the swing, but he didn't seem to push himself to going further, so I left to go chat with one of our best friend couples outside, and while passing my wife, I whispered, don't be afraid to ask him he if wants to fuck you on the swing and she happy with that.
I in the mean time is outside, chatting away to my friend, and I hear my wife moans through the upstairs window. I eagerly run up to watch, only to find a solo guy, I don't know fucking her instead of Alan. My heart absolutely jumped out of my chest, I felt betrayed by it was agreed and understood it would be Alan, and I didn't know this guy whatsoever, I had a merely minutes of small talk with this random guy at the start of the night as we were the only 2 people in a closed space getting a breather from the heat.
I just sat on one of the close beds, as everyone watched her get absolutely hammered by this guy. I had watched him with another woman earlier that night with my wife, and I was astonished by his stamina to keep going. But to then see my wife get railed as hard as he could while the stands of swing almost seemingly about to give way, my heart rate absolutely sky rocketed. I didn't want to watch and I just wanted it to be over, I also didn't want to leave in the middle of it and have questions asked was I ok or was I insecure. So I sat there and to take my mind out of it I just did a heart rate measurement on my Galaxy8 watch and when I saw the stress level at maximum, I knew I wasn't ok.
I needed space and left right away as it finished, and the more she tried to talk to me, the more I just felt angry, as her justification was, "I thought you find it hot", "it was spontaneous", "I wanted it", "it won't happen again". We have talked about it alot today, my mind keeps forcing the scene on to. Apparently Alan was too shy and our best friends (the girl) came to play with my wife on it, and the solo guy came over and asked if my wife wanted a hand and she said yes and asked him to kiss her. He then apparently whispered did she want his cock and she said yes in the moment as it was so hot.
Now, I'm not by any means anti-single guys in the scene, they are a great addition, and I have watched my wife get fucked by a solo guy while I watched, but I vetted him and I felt comfortable. There are a lot of arseholes in our country on the site we use, so I like to know the guy is worthy to be with my wife. And this is coming from wife who only a few days ago said she didn't feel she could play with a solo guy as she wouldn't feel safe herself.
I just feel angry, disrespected, disgusted and hurt by it all. That the sudden switch from Alan to this guy was made without my knowledge to go up and excitedly get to watch but to find out it wasn't who I was expected. I want us to get to that point where we both feel comfortable playing without needed to ask each other, but we aren't at that point just yet.
Has anyone any experience on this or any advice?
TLDR: My wife was meant to be fucked by a guy I felt comfortable with but turned out to be a guy I didn't even know.