[ADVICE] Dispute with Dad/Brother, where to go?
This might be long one (TL;DR at bottom), I'll post the exact text exchange as a comment so you can fold it if you so desire.
My (half) brother approached me in March when we were hanging out and was discussing how he feels that our dad is showing favoritism towards me and disapproval towards him. I recently separated from the Navy and moved back in with my dad (getting a job and starting my own life has been complicated to say the least but I do have several paths forward...they just are taking a little longer than expected). Similarly, when my brother was discharged from the Army at 11 years for a pending court case that currently has been closed out but he is filing for appeals...but I think he's appealing to the supreme court and also attempting to sue the Army (I've only ever heard his side of the story but USED to believe he was innocent but now think he might've been lying about the events that occurred.)However, the key difference between him and me is he originally moved in with his mother, got in a conflict with his stepdad, and then moved in to my dads shortly after. He also brought his wife with him.
He later spoke with our dad because him and his wife were trying to have a baby! He claims our dad immediately started hounding him to move out and get his own place. Unfortunately, he couldn't get an apartment because of the case that got him kicked out of the Army so he ended up buying a rather...unfavorable house for a decent chunk of change.
Our dad and him still got along fine for a while, I'm sure there were disagreements here and there that I was oblivious to as I was in the Navy far away from all of this.
When my brother was talking to me he began by saying something like "You know it's always gonna be me and you vs the world man..." "...I could never be mad at you" general stuff like that. He then went on to say how he was feeling, I said his feelings are valid and he should definitely have a sit-down conversation with our dad and that I would be happy to be there to share how I was feeling as I also had taken issue with our dad. My brother ended up asking our dad to sit down...in a couple weeks for a talk emphasis on the talk and insinuated that it was going to be a heavy conversation. About two weeks went by and suddenly my brother ends up sending our Dad 11 texts while he's getting his haircut. My dad says they were nasty, full of hate and completely demeaning. I really didn't want to read them because I was afraid of how it would make me feel...that's my dad too. The only sort of line I know is in there (maybe not word for word) is: "You're nothing but a coward" and "You are a sperm doner to me"
My dad doesn't respond for a week, he says that it just "...wouldn't be smart to engage with it, he's done this before of blowing up on me." Well a week later my brother again sends more terrible messages to my our Dad.
---Quick pause--- When talking with my brother about what our Dad was doing wrong, I did say some hurtful things about our dad...but I never would actually say those things to him...I was venting...maybe not clearly but I love my Dad and deep down wouldn't want to actually say what I had said (short version of what I had said: He's a coward, won't address his emotions and medicates with been/strong prescription sleeping pills, turns into a bumbling idiot after ~7pm)
Saturday night (30 May) My brother confronts me about why I keep dodging hanging out with him and then says that my dad and I are preventing him from getting his daughter's toys (she's 4 years old....the upsetting part is, I know my dad reached out to his wife (He wont talk to my brother) to pick up the toys/building materials my dad split with him to fix his house up, the next day my dad placed all of he toys outside as well as left his shed unlocked so he could get all the materials.
I tell my brother how I was feeling dragged into it and didn't really want to engage with it...as for staying neutral...I don't really want to hang out with him because of what he said to our dad...even if I knew very little about it. Additionally, when we hang out he doesn't really seem that interested in what I have to say, he only likes to explain either physics or tell stories about how he was THE COOLEST ARMY GUY EVERRRR!!! or how he BUILDS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HOUSES EVER BY HIMSELF or his new job that he wants to build a business around THE MOST AWESOMEST DIVER EVER...or maybe how since he's gotten out of the Army he's started to ~be a super chill hippy guy that smokes weed and is really in-touch with his emotions, man~.
It felt like whenever we hung out, I was either a place for him to vent or talk good about himself to...or a wingman (Again...while he still has a wife and kid. I never enjoyed when he would talk to women, I'm okay saying that people have attractive bodies...but I would never go up and talk with them...and even if I did I usually work to tell them how cool my wife is first thing...he never brings his wife or kid up.)
My brother ends up blowing up on me and kind of just writes me off in a pretty hurtful way.
ADVICE THAT I AM SEEKING:
- What should I even do? I kind of care about my brother but am really hurt by this. He has pretty intense PTSD from his time in the Army, was blown up several times, saw a lot of death and gore...but I'd think 5-6 years of separation would give someone time to get a little better?
- I'm pretty confident I handled the situation as best as I could...but did I mess up? AITAH? (I didn't want to post this in r/AITAH because I am genuinely looking for advice and I feel there I would only been seen as searching for validation/attention...it's definately a juicy story I'll admit to that...but it's true and I don't know what to do.)
TL;DR : Brother claimed he was feeling disliked by dad, was going to confront him, ended up sending him nasty and demeaning texts. I tried to stay out of it while offering advice to both parties. Brother confronts me and asks my opinion and now has insulted me and who I am.