Can’t tell if I have an addiction or not
I recreationally use cocaine, drink, engage in drug use, but I don’t “think” I’m an addict because I can abstain from everything when I need to focus (I’m in grad school). However, I’ve also been told there’s a thing called, “functioning addicts” so I really couldn’t tell you. Meeting someone i genuinely like and then seeing them romantically gives me a better high than when I do a bump. I feel their skin against mine and it’s better than any other drug I’ve done. Ive became physically intimate with a coworker of mine. We essentially go on dates and if it were anyone looking from the outside in it would look like we were in a relationship.
I’ve had this reoccurring pattern over the years with women where I basically treat them like my girlfriend without the title because I could never see them as someone I’d seriously be with but I “play pretend” when we go out. It always leads to them inevitably catching feelings. I cop out and say I disclosed with them in the beginning that I wouldn’t want anything serious and televise myself of all liability. I didn’t lie but as I get older I definitely feel guilty of leading them on.
I become obsessed with them stalking them on social media, i over analyse every move they make, I become incredibly emotional when they aren’t obsessed with me even though I don’t want anything serious with them.
This coworker and I do coke togeyher regularly, sleep togeyher, drink together, we’re currently planning a trip together which ive done with other women in the past who I don’t see any future with.
I need to say “I love you” to finish in bed with women, even one night stands.
Someone tell me if there’s something wrong with me. Is it me just being a normal 25 year old male, is it love addiction, is it just being selfish?