r/loveaddiction

21F. I’ve never truly experienced love or been in a relationship to be honest but i hate the way gender wars influenced me. Not just the gender wars but how i always end up getting disappointed and hurt when I try to open my heart to love again. I’ve had my guard up for the longest because each time i try dating it never really progresses. Now i ghost men & run from love due to fear. 🫠 but im lowkey a deep lover and most days i just think about how much i wanna be loved.

The second I fall for someone, hell the second I start liking them as a person too much it's like they can do no wrong. They can abuse me, say awful things behind my back and to my face, make me suffer over and over, and I still won't be able to hate them, or even dislike them. Even the exs I've moved on from I was never really mad at, despite what some of them did. And now I found out that she called me a sociopath, something I told her I was scared about being, and she turns around and posts it on social media.

Why can't I hate her? Her friend posted them laughing at my response to her breakup text, but I can't hate her. The thought of her literally makes my stomach turn, but I can't hate her. She hates me, but I can't hate her.

It might sound strange. But regular “just leave now” advice does not help. It’s like my brain every day starts a new life and “forgetting” the things that are very wrong as not every day is emotionally abusive. It’s not same as being drawn to person by enormous love etc its more like a relationship thats so much of a habit I struggle to imagine a different life. Why? I would never think it can happen to me. I’m the logical, straight thinking one usually.

Any similar stories? Advice thats more than “just leave”?

I’m in my early 20s and just got out of a 6-year relationship with someone I’ve loved since we were teenagers.

we are of dif religions, so marriage was always complicated. We were long distance during university and had rough patches, but recently he had become much more serious about us. He worked on things that hurt me, reassured me constantly, and was always extremely loyal.

Then he started acting distant. At first he said it was stress from university and work, but eventually he told me his mom had started talking about marriage and he finally told his family he wanted to marry me. Apparently it caused a huge problem because of our religious differences, and he told me there was basically no convincing them.

I’m devastated. I’m already in therapy for other stress-related issues, and now I can barely study, focus, or distract myself because he’s been part of my life since high school and was also my best friend.

What scares me most is feeling like I lost someone rare. I keep thinking I’ll never find someone as loyal, reassuring, understanding, and willing to work on things with me again. I know that’s probably catastrophizing, but it genuinely feels that way.

It’s also harder because neither of us stopped loving each other and there was no cheating or betrayal.

For anyone who has lost a long-term relationship like this, how did you actually detach and rebuild your life? And how do you stop believing you’ll never find those good qualities in someone else?