r/loveaddiction

Ugh. I hate that I can't let it go.

I hate that I betrayed my amazing wife and I am still stalking the qualifier.

I keep falling into dark suicidal thoughts and reasons to end my life. All I have done is cause pain to others while trying to relieve my own. Do people like me even deserve to ever be happy ? I am sorry for the drama but damn I am really hating myself. Is there anywhere up from her ?

I can't focus on anything . I am like a drug addict desperate for a hit. Ugh . I can't live with myself anymore. I can't get the thought out of my head that the world needs less of people like me . It will devastate my wife but maybe she will feel free eventually.

God, i hate being so selfish.

is it normal to still want him back despite breaking up with me twice within 2 months? even after badmouthing me to everyone, and my friends telling me he is an emotional abuser? even if i’m just talking to a securely attached person now and feel like it’s going well?
its been about a month since the second discard, but will this feeling and these thoughts ever stop?

should i stay or not? he always say "one day ill stop" and keep using the motherfckin fent-vape liquid for fuck sake. but between me and him, he treat me like i deserve the world, he never make me like i worth less... should i call drg consultant or just leave him???? (its mushrooms that been laced with fent, and so many other stuff, comes in vape flavour liquid, yes its not normal in my country, yes he left his family bcs of his addiction)

Yesterday when I was super bored but still thinking about the one person who I'm obsessed with let's call him 'R' between him and me there is heaven-earth diffrence when stuck in the same road of life he made the choice of what I wish I could do ... something still he went through things and face them but I went around things we both did what we have to and now I regret that if I made those choice I would've there .... We are of same age never met untill last year and he was like the love of my life , so close almost like alternative universe version of me and ever since I've been stuck on him - constantly thinking about him , daydreaming and all and iknow ppl say just make urself busy have more hobbies , have more to ur life , i do truly but when I lay my back and relax for a minute his thoughts came rushing to me even In my uni exam sitting in the examination I have to constantly stop my mind to not go there yet the moment I look away from my answer sheet I thought of him even in all the pressure of the exam .....so - what should I do /we're not so close 'yet' that I can tell him all that - would that be crazy ? - I'm tired but it's like u get it right ?

I will be the first to admit that I struggle with limerence and had actually been glad when TikTok named it. I recently just got over a subject that I had been obsessed with and he had been a narcissistic situationship. I was glad when I found someone else to finally make me see there are options out there without emotional abuse. The problem is, I feel the addiction once again. I am so ready to start working on myself, though my brain finds comfort in going back to the hottest limerent subject. I took a break from dating apps for nearly three months and grew curious and downloaded apps today— only to find myself swiping off on everyone. I am beginning to notice a pattern where I hyperfocus on qualities of my current obsessions. I need perfection or can’t accept them. Two questions for the community. One, how did you guys successfully move past limerence? I can’t take obsessing again and again and waiting around for breadcrumbs. I’m dying on the inside. Two, what should I do about these dating apps? They are literally draining me again and it has been two hours. I don’t know how I’m ever going to find someone. I just was really hoping a limerent subject would return my spark. But it always seems like a fail and then I can’t move on for three years. And even if I try, it is like I have to finish my prison sentence before I can see clearly again. Please help!

I’ve been crushing hard on my bff for a while now, but I know for a fact that we won't work out. I want some genuine advice on how I can fall out of love with her in a way that won't ruin our friendship.

不要说还有没有救。应该说要怎么去拯救这段感情？喜欢一个女生，都是在网上聊天的，线下没见过面。现在被全平台拉黑了，被她亲人，闺蜜，朋友说，这辈子都不可能了，有没有感情高手说说，这样该怎么拯救？这辈子就非她不可了

To everyone who has lived through limerence and suffered because of it, I wanted to share something.

For over a year I have been obsessed with a person I met once, for a single hour, which makes for a truly terrible ratio, since one hour of real contact has fuelled fifteen months of obsession.

The obsession has sustained itself entirely on its own for the past seven months, since I never saw or spoke to them again.

You can probably imagine the shame and fear that something like this brings, but despite all of it, I still have hope that it can get better with time.🌱

Never give up.

So I am currently engaged to an alcoholic, and I know this is going to be a rant of my life but I need a way to release this.

We been together for 4 years and throughout those 4 years I thought he had his addiction under control(foolish). Before realizing I was an addict myself, I saw exactly why I was attracted to this type of person. He was addictive by nature, avoidant but also would act like a care taker for me. We have a dog, and we have a life that I love to be a part of.

However, his alcoholism took control over one night where he started stumbling around and throwing stuff, I had a panic attack, because the shock of seeing the reality of who he was vs who he was in my head shook my whole world.

I do have trauma as a child that I probably didn’t address early on and used Limerence to help me to cope with my situation back then, and I would use limerence going forward hoping to find the “one” my rescuer. And guy after guy before him, I saw my pattern then, how desperate I was to fill that void. And all I can think now, we were both made to feed each others addiction, our attraction is so up and down but I want it to work so badly. I want to do the steps and therapy and whatever I can for a healthy relationship.

Is this possible?

hello all, I found slaa after splitting from a very toxic relationship with my covert narc qualifier, I was unhealthily obsessed with him in many different ways. Fear (of letting him down, of making him mad, of being stonewalled and abandoned, of not being good enough for him) was a huge part of our dynamic, and this desire to please him at all costs and "be good" existed in every party of our relationship, including romantically and intimately.

fast forward to now and I am 1.5 years into a healthy relationship with a kind, patient, affectionate, open-hearted man. He is opposite of Qualifier in many ways: Qualifier was "black cat energy," very avoidant and controlling and secretive (which triggered a lot of my own acting out, doing disordered things like reading his diary and fixating on his exes), while Current BF is "golden retriever energy," super available emotionally, talkative, honest, relaxed, and very demonstrative in his love for me. This should be perfect, right? My previous partner always made me feel weak, broken, unlovable, on eggshells, etc, and now my current partner is extremely vocal with his love and affection?

NO! :( :( I feel so guilty even writing this down but seeking fellowship or empathy or insight will hopefully make me feel better and understand what SLAA behaviors are at work here.

Sometimes everything is groovy between me and current BF, and I feel so happy and into him and healthy (i NEVER have the urge to go through his diaries or relapse into intrusive snooping); but sometimes, and I still haven't pinpointed what triggers this, I feel repulsed by his attraction to me. Sometimes it's minor annoyance and sometimes it's active disgust, almost fight or flight, like I can't bear to be touched lightly on the arm by him. Sometimes it is so bad that the smell of his skin grosses me out or his breath smells weird even after brushing teeth. This repulsion never cancels out the love and care I feel for him; they weirdly coexist.

There are other things in our relationship I really need to work on, particularly my codependent desire to "fix" things in his life (we joke that I am his "manager" at times). Maybe my unhealed codependency is polluting my ability to desire him sometimes..... I am not sure bc I was SUPER codependent with Qualifier too tho

To be TOTALLY honest, sometimes I feel like I don't know how to access s*xual desire without the elements of control, worthlessness, and self-erasure that were so present in my past relationship. I don't know how to enjoy intimacy that doesn't center around a very REAL (not role-played) power dynamic. And I feel so confused and guilty about it..... like intimacy is a way for me to eroticize my own sense of worthlessness, so intimacy that is about adoration is alienating and confusing to me :( that feels so sad to write down, that I can't truly enjoy intimacy without an element of FEAR involved.

Everything with my Qualifier was so charged and intense all the time: terrible fights that left me hyper-ventiliating, then over-the-top romantic gestures from both of us. I bought that asshole a $600 vacuum and a ticket to Paris! Lol, ugh! But now, the safer my current partner makes me feel, the more detached and disassociated I feel. he is a talented musician and sometimes he writes me love songs (something I would have KILLED for my qualifier to do) and I feel nothing when I hear them, which then makes me feel so fucking guilty and defective. I can't tell if I'm repulsed by his literal body, or the confusion of s*x, or his overwhelming love for me. I think perhaps the last one

I don't feel like I can tell Current BF the full truth without making him feel unwanted; he has gained some weight and feels self conscious

Thank you for allowing me to vent <3

I’m utterly gutted and in despair for some words of encouragement, advice, or hope. My partner has relapsed after 8+ years of sobriety… the worst part is she won’t come clean to me even after confrontation including concrete proof. The worst part is this woman helped me get into recovery. We got together when she had a few years sober, and I wasn’t. I didn’t know I had a problem at the time. I’m still sober after rehab (6 months) and things seemed to be going absolutely amazing. Had a suspicion as she’s been ‘off’ the last few weeks. Found out she’s asking for/leaving the house while I’m gone to get high. I’ve never known this person not sober. I tried talking with her and get her to open a week ago. She acts like everything is great and her excuse for being off is that she’s just trying to recover from the last few months of the hell I put her through. I had enough and told them I knew. She said I don’t understand and she’d explain things when there was a better time to discuss. Left for hours and no clue where she went (we can assume) and is adamant everything is fine. When she feels too cornered she immediately goes off about me and everything I’ve done wrong. I don’t know what to do. Her family doesn’t have a clue. I don’t know how to support them without enabling them. PLEASE HELP ME