28F Addicted to male validation and I’m terrified that I can’t be alone
I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago because our relationship felt empty I was constantly waiting, hesitating, and putting in effort while he remained emotionally unavailable.
But here’s what scared me: After the breakup, I sat down and realized something I’d never noticed before.
I have never, not once in my life, been without a romantic interest in someone. From childhood to now, there’s always been a crush, a situationship, or a full relationship. When one was ending, I was already looking for the next. But this time around I’m making a decision to not go that route of finding another man and I’m struggling because this is the only thing I know but it’s also so destructive to me cause I’m basically stuck in the same relationship with different men.
And I realized why: I don’t get dopamine from being alone or doing things for myself.
My business? I’m only motivated when I imagine a man seeing it. My apartment? I got it because I wanted my boyfriend to see me as successful. Every major decision factors in how it will look to a man.
I’m 28 and I’m terrified I’m incapable of living for myself of doing anything without being watched or validated by a man.
I also lost most friendships in my early 20s and have been isolated working from home, so I have almost no female community. I know that looks like a red flag, and it is but it’s because I’m isolated, not because I’m a bad person.
So I’m asking: Has anyone else experienced this? How did you learn to live for yourself? How do you get motivated to build without a man’s attention?