My best friend befriended the person who hurt me most and I still feel devastated
I lost my best friend of 4–5 years and honestly I still don’t know if I’m overreacting or if I was genuinely betrayed.
A few years ago, I reconciled with an old friend who had hurt and betrayed me badly in the past. My best friend was there through all of it and was actually very suspicious of her from the beginning, but I decided to forgive her because she apologized and seemed genuinely remorseful.
I ended up mentoring this girl in
our creative industry and even hired her as a stylist for a major event during one of the hardest periods of my life (I had lost 3 people close to me within weeks). Three days before the event, she canceled on me last minute, refunded me, and gave vague reasons. Later I found out details she told other people that she never told me. When I expressed disappointment, she became defensive instead of apologizing, so I decided to distance myself from her.
Then slowly, that same girl started pursuing a friendship with my best friend. At first my best friend admitted it felt weird and told me she didn’t think she’d get close to her. But after she started dating the girl’s best friend, they naturally got closer and eventually became friends themselves.
What hurt wasn’t even the friendship itself, it was the secrecy and lack of honesty around it. I’d see them hanging out, traveling together, collaborating on projects, etc. through social media, while my best friend barely acknowledged it to me. I kept waiting for her to just honestly say, “Hey, I know this person hurt you, but I formed my own friendship with her.” But she never did.
Eventually I asked to have a conversation because the whole situation was eating at me. Instead of feeling heard, I felt like everything got turned back on me that I didn’t communicate perfectly enough, didn’t bring it up correctly, or waited too long. Meanwhile she admitted she intentionally avoided bringing it up because she knew it was a sensitive topic for me.
The hardest part is that this mirrored exactly what happened the last time this girl betrayed me: she got close to one of my friends, they talked about me privately, and eventually I was the one pushed out. (Which this old friend apologized to me for in the past)
In the end, I realized it wasn’t about controlling who my best friend could be friends with. It was about feeling emotionally abandoned, minimized, and betrayed by someone I trusted deeply. So I ended the friendship and told her, “I love you, but I don’t think I can continue this friendship