Wow so I just found out what retroactive jealousy was yesterday after searching for what I’ve been feeling for the last two years. I will say just knowing that it’s an actual condition and there are others who share the same feelings has already kinda gave me a sense of relief. For a while I kept wondering like what the fuck is wrong with you? you’re torturing yourself. But truly if I could change everything, I would. In my situation, my girlfriend is older than I am. We met through a mutual friend in 4 years ago in July of that year. We had a great time. Admittedly, early on I wasn’t the best to her. I was still keeping my options open and she became vocal about not feeling like a priority. I would become unresponsive to texts at times, maybe nonchalant at others. She had cut me off for an about 2 weeks at the top of december because of it. We became exclusive the following March after I decided I wanted her in my life. Fast forward to the following year in general convo, I ask her if there’s anything she wants to tell me and that we can work through whatever it might be. I was definitely asking about any infidelity but instead she told me she had two one night stands early on into our dating. One in Oct of the first year we met and the 2nd in Dec of the first year we met. This is when the RJ started for me. That was two years ago when she told me this and I have been a mess since. I do have thoughts about the past partners before me and at times get carried away but it is mainly about the 2 one nights stands during the time we were dating.
One was a cousin of the mutual friend I met her through. In which that previous summer, we had a party, the cousin she had ONS with was there and we shook hands in passing. I didn’t suspect a thing. Finding out they fucked the year before really gutted me. I felt embarrassed and blindsided. The 2nd one that happened in december was a guy she met through her colleague while out of town on a work trip. This is a guy she had just met, and maybe 6 hours later they were fucking. now I know everyone has a past and I get it. But as I look back I just can’t believe the woman I found to be so beautiful, mature, in control and unwavering in the kinda treatment she accepted from me would be ok and willing to just have such a quick fly by night fuck. a fuck for people who hadn’t put in any real work. I can’t fathom the same woman I feel so strongly about is just some easy fuck for these dudes. but knowing there are tools out there to help has given some hope.
I know she loves everything about me, she is the most loyal woman I have ever met. I haven’t been honest with her about what I struggle with out of embarrassment really. I feel less of a man even caring about this shit. I do feel like it has started to ruin our relationship. I have lost respect for her and I feel like it shows and how I handle her at times. I get irritated really fast and find myself comparing certain things in my head. For those that have struggled, did you tell your partner about it? Does it ever really resolve? I don’t want to leave her but at this point I think the heartbreak will be a lesser pain than living like this