What to do when you've been given 5 to 10 years max to live before you've hit your 40's?
It's a long story but the TLDR is: Alone, dying, not sure how to progress or what to do with limited time and now no funds. Need advice.
Long version: Had a kid early with a shit of an ex. The ex was super abusive, which gave our kid massive issues when they came to live with me. Cue kid lashing out which meant things like water on the stairs to make me fall down them or broken glass hidden in the cushions. Cause me getting hurt was "funny".
Turned into a whole range of issues which culminated in the kid trying to murder me twice. Once with a plan on a notebook, the other without the notebook and turns out that was the successful attempt!
Messed with my heart meds and I had a widowmaker. Obviously, the kid couldn't live with me anymore and I had to get them to stay at my parents whom they treat completely differently (the only reason I was comfortable with it) while I recovered. Then I had another heart attack.
After a week in hospital I got out and told I only have a 13% chance of making it another 10 years now that a little over half my heart is scar tissue. Just under 60% that I'll cark it in the next 5 to 6 years.
The Kid now living with grandparents for good and I'm here wondering what the hell do I do? I'm lonely af without them in the house. Haven't had a partner for years thanks to the issues and all my friends either moved away, turned out to be monsters or died years ago.
I don't want to get a pet or a partner now. It'll be cruel either way for a short 4 or 5 years with them. I've only really got my parents and sister who is mentally handicapped so there's no help on that front and to top it all off, I spent everything I had on my kids therapy for so many years.
So now I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do with the very limited time I have left that won't hurt people or leave them in the lurch somehow. Don't really want to make up with my kid even if I love them considering half my life is now gone due to what equates to a temper tantrum. Other than that I can't think of anything to do that isn't a complete waste of what time I have left and I already used up 3 months of my 5-6 years trying to figure it out.
Anyone got any advice?