It’s my summer after high school and I’ve lost everything
I just turned 18 and I’ve never felt so sad and depressed
I was fortunate enough to experience what having real friends felt like but that all left me and now I have never felt so fucking lonely in my life. Knowing what life could be for me right now, and it not being that is heart breaking but I can’t say it wasn’t my fault
I had 2 of my bestest friends who both dropped me after I was being groomed by a 40 yr old drug dealer I met when I was 17 and made into think I was in love until I found everything out about him and now I don’t even have him to lean on. I just need my mommy but she’s in jail and manic so I can’t even talk to her
I became dependent on drugs and lost another close friend when he threw it out without me knowing and I broke into his house like a tweaker screaming where are my drugs because he was ghosting me.
It’s not even a week until my summer after high school and I haven’t done a single thing but be in my bed and cry, rot, be depressed and reflect on the fact that the world used to be in my hands, life could be so good right now but I ruined it all. This is supposed to be the most pivotal summer of my life and it’s being completely wasted. Everyone’s going to grad parties, getting drunk everyday, tanning and seeing their friends which I used to do but now I have no one to go with and I hate being alone.
I keep trying to reach out to other friends but they’re all doing something with the friends that dropped me and I’ve tried to reconnect with them but they won’t let me back in. Summer used to be my favorite time ever I used to stay out till 4am , be with someone everyday, never have a dull moment but this summer I feel like a waste of my own space
I miss my friends, I wish I never met that guy, I’ve lost my closest friends who won’t even look in my direction. I know college is coming up and this will all be a distant memory to me but right now feels like I’m serving all my karma at once!
Graduation is tomorrow and I’m so nervous because I feel like no one’s even going to clap for me, who will I run to once it’s over and everyone’s running to their friends? I’ve never been the girl with no friends to run to but now I am and it’s humbling af. I hate that this is my life right now
All I’ve been doing is praying to the lord and hoping that this won’t last forever…