u/GuessLongjumping7863

Hi. I think my (now ex) partner has been emotionally abusing me, and am just coming to terms with it. There is a whole back story to this, and many other examples, but to keep this shorter I am going to just explain this most recent situation. I unexpectedly got pregnant. At first I felt pulled to keep it, and was involving my partner in the plans, but never told him 100% I am going to do this. After meditating on it for a while, I realized this was a divine intervention for me to get out of the relationship. I did not have anymore bandwidth to deal with my partner. My partner has not been good to me, I never felt safe with him, and I knew breaking this news and breaking up with him was going to be insane, so I started to slowly pull away and distance myself and not tell him I was getting an abortion, or breaking up with him. As I was distancing myself, he was being insane, and told me he was going to come over. I then told him directly, I need space do not come over, and he was going even more insane. He told me he is going to come over this weekend for his passport which he needed for a job, but the details didn't make sense. This Friday, I got the abortion, and sense he had been insisting on getting his passport and because I was out of my house dog sitting (which he did not know) I decided to message him that I was no longer pregnant (not directly stating I got an abortion) and that I could no longer be in this relationship. I told him he could get his passport this Saturday at 12pm and he could get the rest of his belongings from my house next Saturday. I put his messages on silent, and then checked my phone later on because my friend messaged me, and I looked at his messages and he went insane. He called me crazy, shady asf, all of these things but he told me he was going to kill himself and I took all of the joy out of his life, and he had a whole plan to keep the baby and was working so many hours so I could be a stay at home mom with the baby (which like he's broke, doesn't have a car, lost his job a few months ago and had to move out of the room he was renting move his things into storage and move a lot of stuff into my house) and so I knew it wouldn't be possible for him to do that, especially since where we live prices are super high. And also, I have been through a lot of trauma and haven't really lived my life yet and I dont want to be a mom right now. I sort of knew he was saying he was going to kill himself to manipulate me. After calling my friend and going back and fourth I realized I couldn't live with myself if I did not try to intervene if God forbid he did. I asked him where he was and he was going insane saying its crazy that I was awake and he was on public transportation, and I asked him where he was going and he said to my place. I told him if he comes to my house I could call the police and said where is he right now and he was going off and said if I called the police it would be a problem for me and not him, basically threatening that he would retaliate if I called the police, and that he was coming to my house STILL. I kept not engaging in text but just asked where he was and he was getting closer and closer until finally he was at my house. He was blowing me up on text and by calling and called like 40 times. I kept updating the police about where he was and they kept saying they would have an officer call me and were getting annoyed with me so I gave up calling and said I would wait 30 more min and if not then go to bed because it was super late. I then just started bawling and did not know what to do I felt so unsafe and so alone even tho I was not at my apartment. I called the national domestic abuse hotline and they were super helpful and the police finally called after me waiting for a long time. The officer was nice I could barely get the words out because I was hysterical and he told me to block him and he was gonna tell my partner that he was gonna have to contact the police to get his belongings, and they told me to file a non-harassment restringing order on him and give him resources for mental health. Barely any time goes by, and he starts messaging me on ANOTHER number saying I was crazy and messed up for involving him with the police and it was so fucked up that I did not tell him I wasn't home and in my head im thinking I told him not to come or I would call the police and he still came anyway. The police told me that he seemed confused why they were there and that he did not seem suicidal and I told them he texted me from a different number and he said just to keep blocking him and that he knows he has to contact the police for his stuff. Knowing my partner, he will not call the police since he doesn't fuck with the police at all. The next day, he tried to call me twice off of a number that I blocked I dont know how it even showed up as a missed call. I felt so anxious having his belongings at his house and unsafe and so I had my friend text him to coordinate a time and date for him to come and all he said was "are you with her?" At this point, it feels like it's not really about his stuff and he just wants to get to me. You guys, I am so so tired. I feel like I can't even cry anymore. I feel crazy, and like a terrible person for hurting him. He has been through so much trauma, and I just feel like another person who abandoned him and did wrong by him. I gave him a chance to get his things peacefully and he did not. I then gave him another chance by having my friend text him and he did not even address the question. I feel unsafe having his things in my apartment, but at this point, it is up to him to contact the police to get his belongings. I am working on moving as soon as possible. Im just so tired and so depressed and feel like a terrible person. Is this emotional abuse? Or is he just emotionally mature and this was a trauma response? Please help me, am I a terrible person did I do something wrong? I had to have the police intervene because I could not live with myself if he killed himself. I just feel so so terrible.