I [30F] am confused whether a guy [34M] was genuinely interested or if this was love bombing ?
I met a guy on a dating app and we texted back and forth daily for about a month. He came on very strong emotionally, which was something I hadn’t really experienced before. That’s what made me super attracted to him. He was very expressive, affectionate, & intentional, not in a sexual or inappropriate way, just emotionally open. He checked on me almost daily with things like “hope you have a wonderful day” or “good morning beautiful,” remembered little details about me, & sent songs he thought I’d like.
I responded warmly & returned the same energy, but not in an overly lovey-dovey way because we hadn’t met in person yet. I was already developing feelings before meeting him, which is extremely rare for me. Sometimes I’d take a couple hours to respond because of work/life also because I was a little anxious because I cared about having good responses. I wanted to keep the momentum alive, but not endless back-and-forth texting.
He planned a very thoughtful first date, bought train tickets way in advance that he sent me a pic and said “I’m excited for our date”. We agreed to meet at a midpoint since we’re a far distance from one another. He constantly reassured me how excited he was to meet me. I genuinely liked him too and felt this was a rare connection. I then had to cancel the first date because I unexpectedly got sick. I asked what next weekend he’s free. He was very understanding about it, & even checked in on me the next day.
Then a day or two later, his tone suddenly changed. He told me he wasn’t sure I was actually into him because I wasn’t matching his playful/flirt forward texting energy. I’m not naturally a flirtatious person before I’ve established something or I’m comfortable but I reassured him multiple times that I was definitely interested & excited to meet him, but explained that it’s just hard for me to express through text before meeting in person. I like to feel the chemistry in person & some mystery so there’s something to discover later.
The next morning he said he had thought about it & ended things before we ever met or even had the phone call he originally suggested (that I agreed to). He emphasized that he wished me the best and I didn’t do anything wrong that he just felt a mismatch in communication styles because he likes stronger emotional/flirty energy early on and likes seeing how people “mesh” through texting before meeting since that’s fun for him. I was honestly pretty hurt because we’d talked daily for a month & I felt hopeful specifically about this connection.
Would you consider this more of a “fake nice guy”, or more likely two people who genuinely liked each other but had mismatched communication & attachment styles?
… Also I’ve fully accepted that it’s over but in the case that he ever decides to reconnect again, can this dynamic be saved or does it sound like something that’s permanently damaged ? Will I always have to prove something in this dynamic ?