Can toxic relationships turn on autoimmune disease?
I was recently diagnosed and my endocrinologist asked if I had any recent or prolonged high stress events? I said yes. No details were shared with her. But I am either totally misunderstanding now 2 months of research or my partner is refusing to consider or hear what I’m trying to share.
We’ve had a very up and down-toxic marriage the last couple of years. It started as a major betrayal of trust, and has continued with so many unchanged behaviors. Without going into the weeds of it all-he has agreed that his behaviors and unchanged patterns have caused great harm to both me and our kids. He is in therapy, but any change feels slow coming or non-existent.
When I was diagnosed I felt upset. Angry even. I tried to very gently share with my husband how I felt like these marriage problems were a huge contributing factor to what turned hashimotos on. Do I know definitively? Of course not. There’s no way to know. Obviously.
Am I saying “you gave me hashimotos?” Again-no, I understand I was predisposed genetically- and I’m not even saying his behaviors are the ONLY stress or that his behaviors are the only problem in our marriage. I’m simply be honest that this has been truly the most stressful devastating 4+ years of my life, the blows never stop coming despite promising I’m great length what exactly will change moving forward, and it’s caused great emotional distress.
I feel very upset that his issues that should have never been something we were dealing with in the first place -let alone to be dealing with them for as long as we -feels like it directly a part of, and “turning on” or activating the auto immune disease.
He could not handle me sharing this of the few times I tried. And yesterday told me that “Even his therapist says that’s not true. I am not to blame.” Followed by hours of arguing of me saying I didn’t say you’re only to blame. I said I feel very upset that I believe with every fiber of my being this prolonged stress on my body from your behavior has a huge toll on activating the auto immune disease. I also don’t like he weaponized his therapist says, when literally my DOCTOR said otherwise and apparently my doctors words hold zero weight. But his therapists opinion does.
So just curious- is this hog wash? I’ll admit the first time I saw a trendy Tik Tok or Instagram reel that was like “show me an adult that had childhood trauma they suppressed-and I’ll show you an adult with an autoimmune disease” I felt triggered. Blamed. Similar to what I’m hearing him say. But just because things are sometimes hard to hear or take time to process doesn’t make them untrue. Everything I’ve read says stress is the most common cause of turning on auto immune disease. Followed by virus’ like Epstein bar, etc.
I just want to be heard.
I just want to be validated.
I just wanted the person who claims to care so much about me-to CARE about my well being and stop the shitty behavior that is giving me so much stress. (Invalidating me. Interrupting me. Talking over me. Defensive responses. Lying. Gaslighting.)