So glad I found this sub
I wouldn’t say I felt lost, but the best way to describe how I feel after finding this sub would be ”found”. I suppose after repeating this story in my head and having countless deep thoughts in the shower, it may be a good idea to put it in writing and what better place than here? So thanks in advance for reading and any kind words or advice would be greatly appreciated.
So I’m a child of divorce, parents split up when I was 7ish and they had split custody over me. My dad would take me every Wednesday and every other weekend and my mom would have me every other day. My mom did her best to set rules and boundaries and for the most part I was a good kid. My dad, on the other hand, was more of a “friend” if that makes sense. Not much discipline when I was with him (when I wasn’t pawned off on grandma and grandpa when he would decide to spend the weekend drinking and partying) so it was pretty much anything goes when he had his weekends. As a kid, that was my escape and at that time he was my “favorite parent”. Nothing against my mom, it’s just when you’re a kid, you want no rules more than rules. Just the way it goes, I suppose.
Not too long after, my mom remarried to my stepdad and fast forward a few years, my brother was born (10 year age difference). Since the day he came home from the hospital, the kid was a little hellion. Temper tantrums, screaming and crying all the time, to even hitting. Eventually he calmed down and he became a pretty stand up kid! However, 3 years after he was born, my mom and stepdad had another kid, my sister. At this point I’m 13 and in one of the most important developmental stages of my life. The problem was that my mom and stepdad had their hands full with my problem child brother and my new sister who come to find out, has Asperger’s. My needs were put on the backburner on my mom’s side since they were more than occupied with my siblings and since I was pretty much out of the way and a good kid, I’m assuming they figured that I could just be left to my own devices and be ok.
Couldn’t be further from the truth. I failed many classes in high school and subsequently had to take summer school and night school in order to graduate on time. What put my ass in gear was one semester a report card came home on a day my dad had me and he saw it was straight Ds and Fs. For the first time ever, my dad showed me how disappointed he was. Might not have even been disappointment in me, but maybe disappointed in himself. But either way, I felt it and it lit a fire under my ass.
Fast forward to today, I’m working a regular job, nothing fancy, and I can’t help but feel that my situation would have been a lot better had I gotten the care and more importantly the attention from my mom that I desperately needed. Looking back, I was clearly screaming for attention but just never got it at home.
What’s even worse is how my mom is a shell of who she once was and I blame my siblings for it. She’s in a constant state of “brain fog” and just burned out right now and has aged herself beyond her years. Part of that is how she has always just been an enabler. When my sister was diagnosed with Asperger’s, the school advised her that the best option would be to place her in classes where they can help her, but my stepdad shut that idea down and demanded regular classes for her. To his credit, she did do just fine in school and even graduated college, but has gotten 0 amounts of help with her social skills. After she gets her second degree, I have no clue what she’s going to do because there’s no way she’ll make it past any kind of job interview.
No one has explicitly said that it’s up to me to take her in once my mom and stepdad pass, but I’m sure the implication is for me to do so and I just won’t. It’s not so much that she’s an Aspie, but she’s an asshole. Doesn’t talk to anyone, not because she can’t, but because she thinks she’s above everyone and that everyone is annoying. Worst of which, she treats my mom and stepdad like shit and they just take it due to their enabling characters and just continue to treat her like a kid (she’s in her 20s).
Anyway, I know this is jumbled, unorganized, and all over the place, but it’s the best I got for a random impulse post for a new sub I discovered. Thanks for reading.