r/GlassChildren

Today I cried the whole evening, because Its raining, and on my way back home I saw a bunch of snails.

My little brother, 10 years younger than me, severely autistic, had a time when he would always ask to go look out for snails in the garden. Most of the time we wouldn't find any, or just a few, and he'd obsess over it for the whole day and have a meltdown if we didn't find enough, or if we had to do other things and stop searching for snails. He'd get very mad and defiant.

But despite that, I missed it so much today. I moved out last year, 6 hours away from my parents. I rarely travel, and I can't talk to my brother because he hates talking on the phone, and even if he's verbal it's not like he comunicates efficiently. I miss him, but I don't miss the real him. I miss the idea of having a little brother I can go out with, one I can show things to, one I can talk, one I can have fun with. Not the real one, and that makes me feel so guilty. And I cannot for the life of me stop crying about missing someone who does not really exist.

I last saw him two months ago, when I visited, and I had missed him so much, but it is genuinely so overwhelming and stressful being around him, that I didn't even enjoy being with him. And I feel so guilty because of it, because I love him, but I am afraid that I do not love him the way I am supposed to, because I cannot accept the version of him that exists. I feel so guilty, but all I want to is to go on a walk and look around for snails and bugs.

Even if I have been living beside him for 10 years. Does anyone else, struggle with a similar feeling? I tried to explain the feeling as best as I could. I've been struggling with this feeling for a while, and maybe talking to someone with a similar experience might help. Or maybe I just needed to write it down.

Hi friends,

My sister says a lot of outlandish, untrue things due to her intellectual disability plus hallucinations and delusions. She will say these out of the clear blue, and you never know when she's going to come out with one (often it's at inopportune times, like when we have company).

I've been in the habit of not sharing the things she says since I was a child, out of fear of people's judgments and reactions.

But the idea of repeating them to a group of people who might understand feels healing. So, I'm going to add some choice ones below, and if you have any from your sibling that you feel drawn to share, go ahead and add them in the comments.

• You're not my real sister, you're an alien
• You're not my real sister, you're a double
• I once went swimming with snakes
• I once went swimming in a lake of fire with snakes
• Do you know any ninjas? What do you have to do to become a ninja?
• Playing video games more than once a month is bad for your health
• Do you know that we have a brother who died? (We do not)
• Do you know that we have a brother who lives overseas? (We do not)
• Our parents are not my parents; (Aunt) and (Uncle) are my real parents, who abandoned me (Nope)
• Did you know I bought your cats for you? (No, I adopted them from a shelter)
• I own a house around the corner, and once Mum and Dad are gone, I'll live in it (she does not own a house and cannot live alone)
• The police are breaking into my room at night and beating me up! (Nope)
• The police are always breaking in and messing with my DVD player! (No, she just keeps pulling out the cords for some reason)
• The police broke my legs! (Her legs were totally fine)
• The police pulled out all my teeth! (Her teeth were all intact)
• The octopus blinded me! (No idea, but her eyes were fine)

TBH IDK where to start, because there are so so many small details it's hard to convey my parents' ability to toss all my feelings aside without batting an eyelash. I put us on a waitlist for family therapy a year ago, still haven't gotten in...

My sibling had my parents' attention for 75% of my childhood, and continued well into my 30s. Their health issues started really young, and it was a few years before being diagnosed. Then it then evolved into substances, etc. but eventually seemed to be doing alright. Happy for them, but there was a line in the sand drawn as a kid where it felt like my childhood ended when my sibling's problems started. And my parents didn't really address that problem where I felt like there was animosity towards my sibling, and anxiety that was building, on top of being bullied as a gay kid before even realizing myself I was gay... So that festered and I didn't really realize it until my mid 30s when I re-entered the family chat. I basically was isolated, out of site, out of mind type of deal. We did holidays, I texted with one of my parents, the other was a very detached-style of parenting...

FAST FORWARD -> I moved away, as soon as possible... now I'm back home due to ... idk LIFE? One of my parent's has a health condition that doesn't get better, cost of living, burnout (very real by the way)... I was in over my head... the reason is irrelevant, but just know that there are reasons I'm home besides me just being a leech. I was gone for a decade before this... But moving home has triggered this inner resentment towards my parents' inability to account for anything, their excuse being "we're old now, we can't deal with all of this" to summarize it quickly.

My sibling doesn't live at home and is married, with a step-child from their partner's previous relationship. They live UNDER 1 MILE AWAY. My parents (their go-to for all their needs) treat their step-grandchild GRANDIOSE ... to the point where I see how they basically threw material objects at me and told me to go play as a kid in order to focus elsewhere... Objects and gifts = the child will love you, no matter what. Holidays are actually embarrassing when the gifts are stacked to the ceiling (not literally but... you get the idea) and other people, extended family, etc. aren't prepared and see the whole picture... I actually beg not to receive anything because it's that bad. It's an entire spectacle.

I'm gay like I mentioned, never wanted kids, never will after witnessing my childhood/family, and my mom said to me today that "this is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives" - like my accomplishments or goals or achievements are "less than this moment" or "not worthy of attention". They're still coddling and babying my sibling in a way that I personally find difficult to watch, and causes second-hand embarrassment.

I'm also pretty much evicted out of an area of the family home because of new furniture and my parents not wanting it to turn into a bedroom - which it wouldn't, but it's made me feel completely un-welcomed in my own home. The added layer of being a minority within my family (gay), struggling myself but never receiving the help and support they give elsewhere, and them always saying I'm just trying to make it about myself makes my resentment fester to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut. I either see myself moving into the basement, which is depressing but I'd do it for the benefit of everyone, or me saying some truth I'm unsure if they're able to hear or even comprehend (and there's already been a LOT said, which leaves them a bit stunned, but I love that "mic drop" feeling. It feels like it'll be the closest thing to validation that I'll get to).

IDK what the point is I just have no one to vent to, because here it's all smoke and mirrors, and sharing too much information with someone means I'm exposing dirty laundry to my family but it's coming to that point. I've done therapy (CBT, DBT, EMDR, talk therapy, somatic therapy... my body really does keep the score) and haven't found the right match. So patiently waiting on family therapy waitlist, however now this grandchild probably will take up too much time for anyone to willingly show up for me.

Recently, my sibling went a long period of time unemployed. They got married while my sibling was unemployed and my parents made excuses why no one should know about it. After the wedding... they decided they wanted to have kids IMMEDIATELY, and went through expensive hoops to do that, and succeeded (newborn from today in post title). A few months ago my sib landed a position in the field they were interested in after years of studying. FF -> Quit a month ago. QUIT! Why? Didn't like it.

Also: I'm not trying to take away from my parent's attention towards my sibling, I'm just trying to feel validated, and have my parents spread the butter a little more evenly. I DON'T want to be babied and coddled like my sibling, but more respect and personal space (not being thrown into the chaos of rainbows and sunshine of a baby that I personally didn't sign up to parent) would make me feel much less de-humanized. Does this all land correctly? Obviously there's more layers, detail, and references I could squeeze into this vent, but I'd be here til who knows when... much like everyone's own unique situation.