r/GlassChildren

Hi, this is my first time posting on Reddit and I’m not sure if I am even in the right subreddit to post in. Sorry if I missed out anything, if you have any questions please ask. In the Uk btw.

My cousin 18m is what I would call a glass child, he’s has 4 sibling (two of which are high need autistic children aged 5 and 19), since his youngest sibling was born who is autistic, I have watched him slowly be pushed out of a child role and into one of a carer. He doesn’t get much care from his parents (often left at home when they go on holidays or looking after his brother 13m while everyone else goes out) and is used as automatic childcare for his siblings. Beyond that his autistic siblings take up so much of his parents time him and his other neurotypical siblings are put on the back burner.

I am worried about him because he has college and a job and constantly comes home just to then be a carer for his younger siblings, this isn’t fair and he is slowly being burnt out.
He’s never had the fun of being a young adult, he doesn’t go out and usually will spend his time working or with his girlfriend who also helps look after the children.

He lives at home with his parents, sharing a room with his autistic brother and can’t really move out as he is still in education. I live an hour away and currently work in a low paid position so I can’t go over often to give him a break or help him financially to move out.

Now that he is an adult his mum wants to make him the official carer for his older sibling so they can move him into a council house. This isn’t what he wants but he has this pressure to help and I know he is likely to just put up with it despite wanting other things in his life.

How can I best help him without blowing up his relationship with his parents?

Hi all, this is my first time posting here. My sister is autistic and has many mental illnesses. I am two years older (22), and I have always felt enormous pressure to be the “easy kid.” Additionally, due to the autism, we have a huge communication barrier. She doesn’t understand jokes, sarcasm, body language, etc. Growing up, I was always walking on eggshells around her, trying not to trigger a meltdown, which I invariably would. Over time, this grew into resentment, and she spent much of adolescence sniping and laughing at me. As a result, we haven’t been particularly close in about a decade. I have really complicated, twisted up feelings about my family and sister, but she has been such an overwhelmingly negative presence in my life that I have no desire for a relationship. However, she is desperate for one. My parents bring it up to me a lot (including asking me to talk to her therapist), she has written me letters asking for a relationship, and most recently, she has posted poetry about it online. I am so tired of this. I feel like I am going crazy. I am an adult! Most adults are not besties with their siblings. There is also this implicit narrative that our lack of friendship is 100% my fault, and if I put in some effort, everything would be fine. My sister, by the way, puts in no effort. I don’t know, I feel like there is no consideration for my feelings. Is it not enough that I keep things civil and continue to work my ass off so my parents never have to worry about me? Is this something other people have dealt with?

i feel so angry. my sadness is unbearable it gives way to anger. i feel anger towards my brother. he is severely mentally handicapped. i dont believe he has compassion. like you could cry infront of him and he will be indifferent. you could probably drop dead and hed just be annoyed...not at the moment.. in the moment hed just ignore you and watch his computer. but whenever he got hungry thats when hed probably walk over to your dead body and just loudly stim until i guess someone came and got him or he dies. i resent him a lot. i know he cant help it but he has no love in him. im not saying he cant feel emotions ij ust think those emptions are very limited..maybe to the anger category..sometimes he does laugh. i dont know why it seems random sometimes. and he does not care about anyone beyond his own needs.

There’s no quiet in this house I walk on eggshells around my mom and my brother is constantly making noise I have no peace I hate it here.

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I'm looking for practical advice from other “glass children” who have had to plan for an adult sibling who relies heavily on an aging parent.

I'm the **younger sibling**, and my brother and I aren't particularly close. There are also no other siblings or extended family members who could realistically step in.

My brother is 40 and autistic. He lives alone, but my mom is essentially the infrastructure keeping his life functioning. She pays his rent, financially supports his dog, makes/talks him through vet appointments, helps him navigate problems, and provides a lot of his emotional support.

He lost his job about a year ago and hasn't been able to find another. He occasionally does weekend event setup work and is capable of driving. He has a degree in accounting but has never been able to establish a career in that field, and throughout his adult life he has generally struggled to keep jobs for more than 2–3 years.

He also has significant debt, a history of gambling addiction, and has been scammed out of money. So while he technically lives independently, I'm concerned about how well he could actually manage without my mom.

My mom is in her 70s and has declining health, and I don't think she'll be able to live independently for much longer. We're trying to plan **before there is a crisis**.

The difficult part is that I don't want to simply become my mom's replacement. **I'm his sister, not his parent, and I don't want the burden of becoming his full-time caregiver or managing his life after our mom is gone.** I love my brother and want him to be safe and supported, but I also have my own life and responsibilities. He also doesn't tend to listen to me the way he listens to my mom.

My mom and I have discussed trying to get him evaluated for disability and possibly purchasing a small home for his future housing, potentially keeping it in our names because of his debt and history of poor financial decisions. But we have no idea if that is actually a good idea, particularly regarding SSI/SSDI, Medicaid, trusts, creditors, etc.

**For people who have been through this:**

* What should we be doing now while my mom is still able to help?

* How do you transition an adult sibling from relying on a parent to relying on professional/community supports?

* What disability benefits and services should we investigate?

* How did you handle housing?

* Should we be looking at a special needs trust, ABLE account, POA, guardianship, representative payee, etc.?

* How did you protect a vulnerable sibling from debt, scams, or financial exploitation without taking over their entire life?

* Most importantly, **how did you create a long-term support system without the sibling simply becoming the new caregiver?**

I'd especially love to hear from other “glass children” about what you wish your family had done before your parents were gone

I want to help create a plan that protects my brother without making me solely responsible for him. I shpuld mention my mom and I are not rich or middle class. The financial strain of this hadls put my mom into credit card debt.

I (20F) live at home with my grandparents and autistic sister. My grandma has cancer and is very sick most of the time. All of the pressure of taking care of my sister is put on me. I have a part-time job, and I'm a full-time student at a community college; all of my free time is spent taking care of my sister. My grandma has been yelling at me constantly. My sister has meltdowns every day where she screams, cries, stomps her feet, hits me, and drops to the floor. I feel so overwhelmed, and I just want to get out.

I have fears about leaving my family and being alone, even though I'm severely depressed at home. I dream about leaving for a different state and starting my own life. I only have about $2000 in my bank account, and I have a car. Should I leave?

Rick was born when I was 3 and didn't talk until he was 5. Once he did, I was the only one who could understand him — I translated for him with our parents, teachers, psychologists, other children. I've used this as a bit in a comedy routine, because there's something absurd about being a child's UN interpreter. It wasn't always funny living it. If he wanted to say something I found embarrassing, I'd disappear until the moment passed. I also had the power to change how the world saw him — I'd swap his words for bigger ones, same meaning, so people would think more of him.

I knew by the time I was 5 that taking care of him, life-long, was my job. Not a chore list — my actual work and play.

I'm a published author. I have never once written about any of this, even though I've tried, over and over. I always know what people want: the triumph-over-adversity, happily-ever-after version. They do not want my story.

I'm also a mental health provider now, currently prepping a talk for therapists on Glass Children — using a couple of "safe" stories — not the real story I've spent my life not telling.

There's a lot more — his medical reality, the years death felt like it was always nearby, what happened when he lived in my home with my own husband and kids, how our much older siblings still don't know my true story. Those are each topics is their own story. This is just the first one.

Curious how this lands for others — did comedy or humor ever become how you processed any of this? Or did you find another way to carry it?

I have a bipolar sister who is 8 years older than me(F18).

Im always confused on how she views me because she always pines for my affection and admires me. but she always ruins it by lashing out. i understand she is disabled but i find it hard to trust her.

There are instances where she has embarrassed me and threatened me. hurt me physically and emotionally. This girl has ruined my self esteem. Fat shaming me and literally bullying me.

Lock down was the worst time to exist for me. I became agoraphobic (even after lockdown ended) because she bullied me to the point i developed anxiety, and developed suicidal thoughts and tendencies. so going outside felt like a heavy task. School became an option and my social life depleted.

my mum struggles to parent the two of us. single mum, she didn’t know how to stand up and set boundaries with my sister, despite me giving her reasonable advice that would work every time she tried it. I became the houses emotional support system and the grounded one. which meant that no body had time for my needs. This led me to find jt hard to take up space and i struggled to know who i was. i had to grow up quite quickly and be independent. i taught myself everything and i felt like an only child my whole life.

we would go around my cousins and i watched her be more of a sibling to them than she was to me. i had to try not to get jealous but it was hard.

after all of this she still wants me in her life but i have made it clear i can fine with out her. i dont know what to do. she has made things hard for me since i was born and now she wants reconciliation. i think she doesn’t deserve it but its hard as she IS bipolar and cant control it.

the memory that started this whole post was when she said to me “woahhh!! what 12 year old can fit into their mums clothes??” i was a chubby kid. i wasn’t that heavy at 12 i was 55kg. another instance is she stole pizza from out of my mouth and took my plate and threw it in the bin because she thought i was being too “fatty” and she didn’t want my “sausage fingers” touching the food she bought.

not sure what the response i want from this post is i just need to let it out really i feel like caged bird.

In any other circumstance, it would be easy to have compassion for myself for getting traumatized from being touched inappropriately by a middle-aged stepbrother with his gross hands and getting PTSD nightmares from it, the same man burping loudly in my face, living in a home with human feces and body fluids smeared everywhere, and having to hear loud gross noises 24/7. People say you should be tolerant, but I feel like having your bodily autonomy violated shouldn’t be tolerated in any circumstance. 

I have this trauma because of him, but because of his Down syndrome, having these negative feelings and psychological reactions makes me feel like a bad person. 

Other people in my family have admitted to me that they will feel relief when he passes away, because whenever he’s absent everyone has less conflict and less stress. Even though logically I know that my feelings are common and I’m not alone, I still feel guilty for having them.

i made a few half jokes and they rescheduled for the day after but theyre still leaving on my birthday to go to their most special favorite distilleries in scotland while i watch my brother. they only mentioned it once in passing before they announced how excited they were to go- they didnt even ask if i would watch my brother for the week, they just assumed i was fully avaliable and at their beck and call. we havent once discussed what we are doing as a family for my birthday, if anything. we also havent discussed if im going to be paid *at all* and my own mental health problems have been so sever this summer.. Hopefully a sleepover with my 2 besties will be just what i need. but i could really use some fucking empathetic parenting rn 😀 bon voyage, go fuck yourselves!

I have five autistic siblings, they all range from level 1 to severely autistic. To start off, my older brother by 1 year is extremely socially awkward and spends most of his day in his room. He was being bullied by a lad in his class before someone else started bullying him after the first lad moved on.

Secondly is my younger sister and my first younger brother. My sister is very desperate to be well liked and the reason she was diagnosed at a young age is because she didn't talk until she was 3/4. She frustrates me a lot, because she's always copying me to try be my friend. My younger brother is hyperactive and really loud. (There's nothing else really wrong with him.)

Lastly, my two youngest brothers. They are both profoundly autistic. One is violent and the other has scoliosis and requires a cast. They both need to be watched all day because they could run out of the house and get into danger. They are both nonverbal, but they're very smart in terms of screaming and shouting until they get what they want. They know if they do it they'll get what they want because everyone just wants them to shut up.

My parents are amazing people admittedly. They try their best to make me feel seen, but it never feels like enough. There's always an appointment to go to or an event for one of the older ones, there is never enough time for just us except for during the school year when everyone's gone to school, but then I'm also gone to school. In terms of school events for me, only one parent was ever able to come, the other had to stay at home with my siblings. I feel like a side character in my own life.

Am I a glass child?

ever since my brother started puberty, hes become even more violent and gross. He touches me inappropriately, keeps everybody awake, flashes me, kicks, hits and threatens the whole household with knives and lighters. i love him i really do but im so tired. I know im older than him and everything but im truly terrified of him. I dont know what to do anymore. My parents have so much to deal with when it comes to him. They’re exhausted, im exhausted. they keep defending him because they have “bigger battles”. It feels like they just dont want to put the energy in to stop him from literally assaulting me. I have to calm my mom from panic attacks. I have to force the door closed while he tries to stab me from the little opening under the door. Im tired and sad and frustrated with my whole situation. Everything feels so incredibly unfair. Im counting down the days until im done with school and can move out.

Just wanted to thank everyone in this community for making me feel heard. I feel like there is no one in my life that I can talk to about my situation, and when things get overwhelming I can come here. I’m sad that there’s other people living this life. But I’m thankful that others understand 😭😭

I hope you fucking go to hell. My mom had a healthy pregnancy but difficult birth and was scared she and my brother would die. They didn't listen to her and told her she wasn't ready yet. If he had been in any longer he would have died, he wasn't making any noise when he was being taken out, everyone thought he was dead.

Because of what happened he is autistic and for all these years I've been a glass child. I always had to do everything on my own. I was ignored and felt like a piece of shit throughout my entire childhood.

The stares in public, the lack of sympathy and help from relatives. It's so isolating. People acting like they know us well and know what we're dealing with have no idea how many times my mom and I cried together because we couldn't do it anymore. He would scream for hours whilst bashing his head into the wall over small things that would annoy him.

I freaking love that kid and at the end of the day he will always be my brother, but it's painful knowing that things could have been different if someone would have atleast helped us and listened. It's painful seeing that my mom wants to cry when she sees people with healthy children. It's painful when others look down at him because he's autistic. It's painful knowing that deep down my father feels embarrassed when we go out in public and that's the main reason why we never go out as a family.

It's just hard. I can't help feeling jealous when I see others my age having a normal life and I wonder what that feels like. I feel so miserable...

I'm sick of self diagnosis. I'm sick of everyone who is slightly awkward claiming to be autistic. Or someone that is thoughtless claiming they are autistic. Or being excitable and claiming to have BP II. Or not enjoying work and claiming ADHD. I was going to say I've noticed no one has claimed Down's Syndrome for clout, but then I remembered a really horrific case of that.

I'm happy there is more normalization & awareness of mental issues. But AAAAAAAARG! My life was an unending series of humiliations & dangers from my siblings having BP II & autism. It's not cute! It made their lives so extremely painful and challenging. It made my parent's lives painful and challenging. It made my life painful and challenging! Developmental issues are not a pass to just be a dickhead to people.

I've noticed that people who falsely claim to have autism usually don't have the really embarrassing parts. Like the awkward facial movements, stereotyped motions, toe walking, monotropism, flat affect, inappropriate volume, flapping, hitting their head on the wall, zoomies, the scratching & hitting, the self harm, complete lack of awareness of appropriate behavior. It's just they are kind of mean & thoughtless.

Honestly, it's really cruel to people trying to survive out here. When people treat BP like a joke it makes it harder for people /with/ BPD to want their treatment or to even understand what is happening to them. When people act like autism is this easy thing to live with, it makes it harder for people who are struggling with their autism. I'm sick of it!

I'm sick of people talking over me about it. They won't even listen to how BPII & autism affected my life. They just say "Oh you get it, I'm silly some times!" No, man, if you have BP II you'll get paranoid & cut your sister's breaks because of some perceived slight. It's not the same as being animated at all.

I don't know how others feel about this. I'd like to know I'm not alone, but if I am that's fine.

edit: Correct BP II. And clarifying I am not saying the people who mask well are fakers. I am not talking about you personally. I understand people cannot afford diagnosis, but be real, you know people do this with every mental illness, why do you think people wouldn't do it with autism?

Hi everyone. I thought I’d come on here because I don’t really know any other glass children in real life, and I’ve been feeling really lonely lately.
I’m 20 and going into my third year of university. I’ve always found it hard to make friends, and I think a lot of that connects back to my family life, my brother’s disability, and some of the mental health issues and trauma I grew up with. As of now, I pretty much only have two friends. I’m also very introverted and reserved, and I’ve never been in a relationship.
Lately I’ve been craving more connection in my life and I’ve been feeling very lonely, but I honestly don’t really know what to do. I keep wondering if I’m the only glass child who ended up with very few friends or very little of a social life, or if other people here can relate.
There are some things in my life that could potentially help me meet more people. I volunteer at my university, and I will be in a smaller cohort (somewhat) this upcoming year where I’ll hopefully be around the same people more consistently. So I know there are opportunities, but I still feel really discouraged.
I think what hurts the most is feeling like so much of my childhood and adolescence was defined by stress, hardship, family issues, and just trying to cope, instead of the more normal experiences of friendship, connection, dating, and feeling carefree. I’m only 20, but sometimes I already feel sad about how much of my life has felt heavy and how different I feel from others around me.
I’m not really looking for people to tell me to just “put myself out there.” I think I’m more looking for perspective from people who actually understand the glass-child experience. Did your social life get better as you got older? Did you eventually find your people? How did you deal with the loneliness, resentment, or feeling like you missed out on a more normal childhood?
Any advice, words of wisdom, or even just hearing from someone who relates would mean a lot.

Has anyone ever worked with therapist that specifically deals with the types of neglect, resentment, and understanding glass children have. I’ve seen many of therapists in my time but nobody seems to quite know how to help given the unique ongoing familial dynamic.

If you have found one- How? What did you search or what criteria did you use?

I’m an adult who has to live with my parents because of my disability. Sucks already. But now add my non speaking level 3 autistic sibling to this and it’s another mess. It’s meltdown after meltdown constant worry about what they eat or their routine and I can’t get a moment to myself. I’ve been my sibling’s third parent my whole life (we’re twins, that makes things worse) so no one ever cared about ME. It’s always “well your sibling has it worse so shut the fuck up and let me be rude to you”

So here I am. Miserable in my mid 20s because of something that isn’t even my fault. If my parents die then my sibling is going to a home. I don’t even care anymore. But that’s gonna be way too long. As I type this my sibling is currently having a meltdown while I’m locked in my room avoiding being yelled at for “not taking care of my sibling.”

Never got to bring friends home, never got to MAKE friends because on top of my home life being shitty I was always bullied, and now I’m basically friendless as an adult since I became physically disabled. I always had an intellectual disability and was bullied for that by my parents. They thought I was “dumb” or “stupid” or would use the r slur with me.

I’ve joined some support groups to try and help with my disability but I’m too scared to bring up being a glass child. I’m involved with disability activism and I know how many people disregard us glass children because “how do you think THEY feel?”

I’m getting a college degree and I’m almost done with it but I’m really not sure where to go after because I HATE my degree. I’m only finishing it because it’s almost done.

If my fate is having to take care of my sibling that I’ve had to parent my whole life then consider me GONE. This has been my entire life and I had so many big plans for it until the worst of my disability hit. Now I’m just seen as dramatic or attention seeking while my sibling gets worse and worse daily. My parents refuse to get help (Bible thumpers who think PRAYER is gonna help, they did this throughout our childhood and even now) by sending them to a home or anything like that. They’re getting old and refuse to acknowledge it.

And PLEASE don’t try to say “convince them to do so!! Just have a talk with them!” Just being in their presence is emotionally and physically draining and NOTHING. I mean NOTHING will get through to them.

I want life to get better for me but I don’t think it’ll happen

using fake names btw
I (22F) live with my parents due to my ED and paranoia, but i work and do the cleaning and contribute to buying groceries and stuff. Our house is pretty big so last year my aunt, uncle, and my cousin, Ally (22F) who has severe autism. Ally functions a lot like my 5 year old nephew. I’m stuck entertaining her after school to bed time, not because I’m forced to but because ally hyperfixates on me for some reason. She gets into my room and messes up my stuff (makeup smeared, clothes stretched out). She whines if i get to do something she doesn’t. She’s broken my phone countless times out of jealousy bc she doesn’t have one. She can’t stand to celebrate anyone else’s birthdays or celebrations. Anyways, I’ve been struggling extra with my ED and made the decision to enroll back into a php program, and 2 weeks in they recommended I go back to a residential facility. My family thinks it’s “not a good idea” for the sole purpose that Ally will be upset. I think it’s bullshit. Autism doesn’t mean she can always call the shots and that’s what’s been happening the last 22 years. They genuinely seem to think that autism is an excuse to not set boundaries and discipline and that’s why she’s such a brat. I’m so annoyed. I’m obviously going to go back to residential but I’m mad they even asked me to sacrifice my mental wellbeing for allys demands.