Sibling is desperate for us to have a relationship
Hi all, this is my first time posting here. My sister is autistic and has many mental illnesses. I am two years older (22), and I have always felt enormous pressure to be the “easy kid.” Additionally, due to the autism, we have a huge communication barrier. She doesn’t understand jokes, sarcasm, body language, etc. Growing up, I was always walking on eggshells around her, trying not to trigger a meltdown, which I invariably would. Over time, this grew into resentment, and she spent much of adolescence sniping and laughing at me. As a result, we haven’t been particularly close in about a decade. I have really complicated, twisted up feelings about my family and sister, but she has been such an overwhelmingly negative presence in my life that I have no desire for a relationship. However, she is desperate for one. My parents bring it up to me a lot (including asking me to talk to her therapist), she has written me letters asking for a relationship, and most recently, she has posted poetry about it online. I am so tired of this. I feel like I am going crazy. I am an adult! Most adults are not besties with their siblings. There is also this implicit narrative that our lack of friendship is 100% my fault, and if I put in some effort, everything would be fine. My sister, by the way, puts in no effort. I don’t know, I feel like there is no consideration for my feelings. Is it not enough that I keep things civil and continue to work my ass off so my parents never have to worry about me? Is this something other people have dealt with?