Pursuit of perfectionism as a means of not being a burden- childhood trauma
I spent my childhood growing up as a glass child (sibling to two severely disabled/high need siblings) which caused me to value perfectionism as a way to avoid being a burden to my already over burdened parents. This mindset has carried over with me into adulthood where I see mistakes as bad, wrong, a waste of everyone’s time and resources aka a burden.
I don’t know how to get out of this feeling/mindset because my whole upbringing my existence felt like I was a strain on those who’s time and energy could better be spent on those who actually needed it- my brothers. When you have multiple children that are physical dangers to themselves or others your properties should lie with keeping everyone physically safe before emotional safety can be addressed. I don’t blame my parents they did the best they could given the cards they were dealt and honestly I would have done the same thing if I were them. But nothings changed either, my siblings are adults now and still need just as much if not more time, care, and attention so the wounds and feeling of needing to be perfect are very much still there.
And to address these questions- yes I do see mistakes in others a burdens too. And yes I know mistakes are a part of life but whether you intended to or not doesn’t not remove the burden it caused.
Advice? Anyone else a perfectionist for similar reasons?