u/Key-Woodpecker-8514

I have a bipolar sister who is 8 years older than me(F18).

Im always confused on how she views me because she always pines for my affection and admires me. but she always ruins it by lashing out. i understand she is disabled but i find it hard to trust her.

There are instances where she has embarrassed me and threatened me. hurt me physically and emotionally. This girl has ruined my self esteem. Fat shaming me and literally bullying me.

Lock down was the worst time to exist for me. I became agoraphobic (even after lockdown ended) because she bullied me to the point i developed anxiety, and developed suicidal thoughts and tendencies. so going outside felt like a heavy task. School became an option and my social life depleted.

my mum struggles to parent the two of us. single mum, she didn’t know how to stand up and set boundaries with my sister, despite me giving her reasonable advice that would work every time she tried it. I became the houses emotional support system and the grounded one. which meant that no body had time for my needs. This led me to find jt hard to take up space and i struggled to know who i was. i had to grow up quite quickly and be independent. i taught myself everything and i felt like an only child my whole life.

we would go around my cousins and i watched her be more of a sibling to them than she was to me. i had to try not to get jealous but it was hard.

after all of this she still wants me in her life but i have made it clear i can fine with out her. i dont know what to do. she has made things hard for me since i was born and now she wants reconciliation. i think she doesn’t deserve it but its hard as she IS bipolar and cant control it.

the memory that started this whole post was when she said to me “woahhh!! what 12 year old can fit into their mums clothes??” i was a chubby kid. i wasn’t that heavy at 12 i was 55kg. another instance is she stole pizza from out of my mouth and took my plate and threw it in the bin because she thought i was being too “fatty” and she didn’t want my “sausage fingers” touching the food she bought.

not sure what the response i want from this post is i just need to let it out really i feel like caged bird.

I have a bipolar sister who is 8 years older than me(F18).

Im always confused on how she views me because she always pines for my affection and admires me. but she always ruins it by lashing out. i understand she is disabled but i find it hard to trust her.

There are instances where she has embarrassed me and threatened me. hurt me physically and emotionally. This girl has ruined my self esteem. Fat shaming me and literally bullying me.

Lock down was the worst time to exist for me. I became agoraphobic (even after lockdown ended) because she bullied me to the point i developed anxiety, and developed suicidal thoughts and tendencies. so going outside felt like a heavy task. School became an option and my social life depleted.

my mum struggles to parent the two of us. single mum, she didn’t know how to stand up and set boundaries with my sister, despite me giving her reasonable advice that would work every time she tried it. I became the houses emotional support system and the grounded one. which meant that no body had time for my needs. This led me to find jt hard to take up space and i struggled to know who i was. i had to grow up quite quickly and be independent. i taught myself everything and i felt like an only child my whole life.

we would go around my cousins and i watched her be more of a sibling to them than she was to me. i had to try not to get jealous but it was hard.

after all of this she still wants me in her life but i have made it clear i can fine with out her. i dont know what to do. she has made things hard for me since i was born and now she wants reconciliation. i think she doesn’t deserve it but its hard as she IS bipolar and cant control it.

the memory that started this whole post was when she said to me “woahhh!! what 12 year old can fit into their mums clothes??” i was a chubby kid. i wasn’t that heavy at 12 i was 55kg. another instance is she stole pizza from out of my mouth and took my plate and threw it in the bin because she thought i was being too “fatty” and she didn’t want my “sausage fingers” touching the food she bought.

not sure what the response i want from this post is i just need to let it out really i feel like caged bird.

I hope the title caught your attention.

I literally hate seeing black people specifically women pine after the attention and validation of white people.

Why are you looking for approval from people whose ancestors used to own yours. i dont get it. Can we collectively wake up and jog on from this madness.

Im all for loving thy neighbour, but i draw the line at kissing ass to random white people that are nice to you. we are all just people neither you or them are special because you are nice to one another.

Despite my tone this IS coming from a place of love. i just want to see my community grow. i love y’all stay blessed i hope i dont offend too many i just want to see black women stand in our fierceness and love each other on our own terms and standards.

I 18F share a two bed apartment with my mum (jamaican).

My mum grew up with four other siblings so she is used to sharing things and existing quite closely to her family.

I, however, did NOT grow up this way. i have one sibling snd she is 27 ,who moved out at 17/18, so i was brought up as an only child since the age of 12 basically. for the last 6 years i’ve had my “own space”.

Having the bedroom title and actually having my own space are two different things in this household.

Not to sound like a brat but i come home and i find my room has been cleaned, or my drawers have been tidied and i immediately feel violated. I do know that its a kind gesture but i dont see it like that. i feel as though I’ve been exposed or as if my secrets are out.

Im more than capable of cleaning my own room so its annoying to have things done for me. i think i am battling with my independence and pride here but its also a matter of i just want to be asked for permission. I have things in my room that i dont want her to see. is it too much to ask for a little space.

Not just that, but i feel as though im 18 now you should back off of me just a little bit. why cant she respect that im growing up and that my space is going to reflect that?

I do have adhd but im medicated so i dont let my room get messy anymore. And im getting better at completing tasks. When she reminds me that my room is getting messy i do make an effort to clean it and she approves of it ( a sister we have).

I just think that after my diagnosis she has been infantilising me and not allowing me to grow, it has to stop because im becoming more and more annoyed as the days go on.

Trust i am trying to prove that im a capable and maturing young woman but i feel as though my efforts are going unnoticed because her own prejudice against me.

So, am i the asshole for wanting privacy?