r/family_of_bipolar

I have several family members with bipolar disorder, as it is a highly heritable condition. I wanted to share what it looks like across the different people I know who don’t take their meds:

My two cousins have BD1. Neither takes meds and both experience psychosis. One was also recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. Both are very unwell in life.

My two aunts have BD2. Both unmedicated. One is in a chronic state of depression and has SI, smokes a lot of weed as a coping mechanism/escape. The other is in EMDR therapy, lives an extremely calm life, is happily married, and has been doing well with minimal episodes for the past decade. Her symptoms show most during breakups or major life hardships, which she has fortunately avoided for a while. When they hit, her depressive episodes last for months. she barely eats or leaves her room. They’re usually followed by hypomanic episodes where she sleeps poorly for days/weeks.

My bf’s nephew has BD1 and schizophrenia. Unmedicated. He experiences severe, destructive episodes. Recently, his episodes have decreased primarily because he has become a recluse who never leaves his parents house, avoiding external triggers.

My daughter’s aunt has BD1. Unmedicated. People think she is on drugs because she stays in a nearly constant hypomanic or manic state. She can’t keep a job, makes big life changes all the time, irritable, sleeps very little, but she’s the life of the party.

I have BD1 (originally diagnosed BD2 until I had two severe manic episodes without psychosis). I spent a recent year off medication, w mild hypomanic episodes that were not life altering (unlike my previous episodes). I stayed in an underlying depressive state that dulled my ability to enjoy things 100%. But was hardly noticeable.
After taking a few mental illness educational classes I learned that episodes eat away gray matter in the brain and harm brain structure + function. So I restarted my meds. I feel good and treating the depression has helped my overall quality of life

He had first ever eposide in the last year. And when he discontinued his medicine after a month it caused him to have another one almost two months ago. And after having the second one he went back on meds and he stayed with them until today. Late in the night.

He came and complained that his medicine doesn't let him sleep and he will stop taking them.

I'm so mad because i know where this will lead to. Does anyone have any tips on what to do in this situation?

My brother has Bipolar I and his sleep schedule is around 3 AM–10 AM. I’m not even sure you can call that a schedule, but he had insomnia even before he was diagnosed. He still struggles with it now and can’t seem to fall asleep before midnight. I’m wondering if taking Lamictal at night might be contributing to this. Also, his doctor reduced his olanzapine from 10 mg to 5 mg five days ago.
Has anyone here had a similar experience? How were you able to shift your sleep schedule to an earlier time, ideally before midnight?

To give context, my brother (31) was diagnosed with bipolar when he was 18 and I was 15. Since this past May, he’s been in a severe manic episode. My parents and I have done everything we can possibly think of to help him—he’s been to the psych ward, he’s taking medication, etc but nothing is helping. He honestly seems worse than before. He’s had about 8 manic episodes since he was 18 and has been hospitalized about 9/10 times so this isn’t our first rodeo but for some reason, he’s not getting better this time around. I need help. I need community that understands what I’m going through. What do you recommend? Can you relate?

Não tenho TAB, mas convivo com minha mãe e amiga que têm. Ambas mentem muito e com coisas totalmente desnecessárias, especialmente minha amiga. Ela sempre entra em controvérsias e inventa histórias nada a ver o tempo todo, parece ser viciada em mentira, e quando está em fase de mania fica muito pior. Isso é muito chato porque tudo o que ela fala, eu preciso me policiar para filtrar o que é verdade ou não, então se torna muito cansativo a convivência. Ela também acredita fielmente que é rica, sendo que só recebe um salário mínimo.

My husband has been in the hospital for almoat 3weeks & thinks he is at baseline & demanding to be released. Just called me so angry about something that happened...and got so abrupt & rude to me when I didnt say just what he wanted to hear. If I hint at his grandiose speech, he takes it personally & accuses me of assuming im the doctor.

Clearly not as baseline and he cannot see it. (Hes usually very aware of how he comes across so this is so confusing)

This is the second bout for him, & it is so difficult. 😮‍💨

First a question: his depressive episodes align with life events. We thought he just battled depression because of this. He says he’s always been depressed on and off for as long as he remembers but in the decade I’ve known him he’s had 2 big stretches and one coincided with a series of events where life had kicked him down and the second was a major life event that was extremely positive but stressful at the same time and it brought up a lot of trauma and negative emotions. For those who have been diagnosed properly, is your depression unexplained or is it sometimes triggered?

I love my husband very much. He’s an amazing person. He has battled depression and I’ve supported him. Looking into mania I’m wondering if the spurts between depressive episodes are manic episodes. I did what all 20somethings do and I googled and watch YouTube videos lol and 2 things really stuck out to me.

During these “manic” episodes he does have delusions of grandeur and ideas of reference. For example: God has made him struggle so hard so that he can become the strong and sharp tool needed to do something extraordinary like he wants to become a green beret and save all of the children being trafficked in Colombia or something. And he will see signs everywhere that confirm his beliefs. He has a high work threshold so even these huge bursts of energy didn’t phase me like on a normal day he can run 10 miles and still go do a blue collar job on 5hrs of sleep and 2 energy drinks. (When he’s depressed he quits whatever job he has and doesn’t leave the house). This is the only thing that pulls him out of the depression. He rationalizes that all of the hardship is for a reason and it’s been put on me because I’m supposed to do something amazing. So he rationalizes what’s negative and he boosts his own sense of self after feeling so low for so long.

I feel absolutely horrible for saying this. I saw a video where it was mentioned that the bipolar person loves being manic because it’s a break from the depression and I completely understood. I’m so exhausted by the depression that when he’s manic I’m just happy to see him smile and if he’s going a little too hard on the positivity who am I to tell him he can’t do xyz? I just thought he suffered with bouts of depression but now that I’m suspecting bipolar? I’m wondering if I’ve made things worse or if this is even mania? I’ve always genuinely thought that he could do anything he sets his mind to so when he says he wants to first get in shape then get his shoulder repaired then beat the odds and join the most elite special forces team in his 30’s and then save all the children in Colombia? I’m like you know what? When you’re good you are a damn work horse and you do the damn thing and if this gives you purpose? How can we make it happen? Where do we start? He’s not like I’m going to sign up tomorrow!More that he starts getting a plan together that sounds a little unattainable but he’ll say something like “you know me! You know how much I can get done when I’m in it! Okay maybe it’ll take an extra year but I’m going to try to make it by this timeline I really think I can do it if I focus!”

The problem is that we cannot afford therapy right now. Even if we could, he’s not sold on the idea of going to therapy. He is terrified of psych meds and I’m terrified of him taking them too. His moods are so extreme that I’m afraid that it will make his brain chemistry even worse or it could completely dull him to the point where he hates himself and I know him and if that happened he’d impulsively flush the pills down the toilet and I know those meds are really important to wean down from under supervision if you choose to stop taking them.

For both of us, the state that he’s in now is preferred. He’s not depressed and he’s not manic right now. (I don’t think) I’m afraid that bringing up bipolar disorder could trigger another depressive episode. My mental health takes a toll too and we have too many responsibilities where if he can’t do what he needs to do I cannot drop the ball this time. I can’t miss work. I can’t not sleep. I can’t be emotionally drained every day. We have too much on our plates right now. I’m tempted to just pray that this good mood lasts a while until life settles down and maybe just address it later on but I don’t know how I would bring it up and I don’t know how it would help if we can’t get him help? Does just knowing you have bipolar help you understand and cope? Is knowing you have bipolar a game changer? How do I explain my suspicions he has mania? I’m his number 1 supporter and I can’t imagine telling him he has delusions of grandeur because he wants to do xyz and I don’t believe he can even if he does. Before I learned to look for delusions of grandeur I thought you know what it’s tough and it’s far fetched but maybe he can do it? Why not try? It’s not that I don’t believe in him but the aspirations are pretty extreme. My fears are that he’ll believe me and look into it and find out he does have bipolar and it will trigger a depressive episode OR he won’t believe and he’ll be offended and he’ll start seeing me as someone who thinks he’s crazy and needs to be force fed happy pills.

If knowing changes things entirely and helps the (possibly) bipolar person how can I bring it up in a way that won’t hurt his feelings or in a way where I’m not dropping a bomb or maybe in some way that I can leave breadcrumbs for him to figure out himself? I’m not sure what might be best. I want to do whatever I can do to help him but I can’t force him to do anything so let’s just say therapy and meds are off the table.

My brother (26M) had his first manic episode 2 months ago, and it was a terrible experience. When I realized what was happening, I immediately flew to be with him, but he was like a completely different person—someone I didn’t recognize at all. I was terrified. I couldn’t convince him to go to the hospital, and I had no authority over him. Somehow, my uncle came from another city and took him to the hospital against his will, and he stayed there for 2 weeks. He was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder.
Before this, he had been diagnosed with dysthymic disorder and had been depressed almost constantly since adolescence. The hospitalization was extremely traumatic for my family and me. The hospital where he stayed was a terrible place, and he never regained insight during those 2 weeks. They eventually discharged him, but he refused to take his medications and insisted that he wasn’t ill. He put me through some very painful psychological experiences. I know he wasn’t himself at the time, but I still cry when I remember it. I was so scared.
Despite everything, I didn’t let my family see how much it affected me. I tried to stay focused on finding solutions and constantly researched everything I could. I’m also a medical student, so I regularly talk to psychiatrists and professors in psychiatry.
When my brother refused his medications, he quickly had another psychotic episode. That was also terrifying, but because it was a mixed episode, he was more emotional and could recognize that something was wrong. He started taking his medications regularly, and he has now been on lithium and olanzapine for about 1.5 months.
But I’m so anxious that I constantly wait for him to fall asleep and write down the times he goes to sleep and wakes up. He doesn’t fully realize how important these things are. I try to control everything—his medication times, his sleep schedule, even how much tea or coffee he drinks in the evening. This is exhausting me, but my parents also have chronic health conditions, so I always feel responsible and feel like I have to put myself forward and take care of everything.
I’m constantly researching “What triggers mania?” and trying to keep him away from every possible trigger.
But now my university is starting, and I have to return to the city where I study. My brother lives with my parents and our other sibling. I’m leaving in a week, and I’m terrified that something will go wrong when I’m not there and that he won’t be careful enough.
Psychologically, I’ve been deeply shaken by everything that happened. There was a moment when my own brother looked into my eyes so coldly and said he wanted to kill me, and I genuinely felt like my life was over. I thought I was going to die.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Am I obsessing over the details too much, or am I actually doing the right thing?
Are there people here who have been through something similar and can share their experiences? For those with Bipolar I who have remained euthymic/stable for years, what do you do to stay well? What does your routine look like? How much do you actually monitor sleep, medications, caffeine, stress, etc.?
I would really appreciate hearing from people with lived experience.
Btw, my brother's current medications: litium+olanzipin+lamictal(new)

For reference/context, I am F38 and my partner (M36) lives with bipolar 2. The book "Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder" by Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston talks about making "symptoms/signs of an episode", "triggers" lists, and "what works when an episode comes on" lists, either separately from your partner and/or together with your partner. I love this idea and want to practice it.

Those of you who've utilized these methods, what have you put on your lists? Especially when the symptoms and signs to watch out for might be more subtle than a major life issue?

My partner goes into rumination loops and doesn't yet see them as signs of an oncoming episode, so by the time the episode hits, we've missed a crucial window into trying a "what works" list to help lessen the impact of the episode.

My brother had his first manic episode 2 months ago and was diagnosed with Bipolar I. He then stopped taking his meds and had a psychotic relapse about 1.5 months ago. Since then, he’s been taking litium and olanzipin regularly.
He’s been a bit depressed lately, and he was also experiencing a lot of morning sedation, so he talked to his doctor and the olanzipin dose was cut in half. His doctor had also added sertraline, but we noticed that he started becoming hypomanic literally from the first day, so the doctor stopped it.
Now, for the first time, he’s going to start lamotrigine instead. Has anyone here had a similar experience? I’m really worried about it triggering mania.

Hello everyone,
My brother had his first manic episode two months ago and was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder. He stayed in the hospital for two weeks, but the doctors discharged him before he had developed much insight into his condition. As soon as he was discharged, he refused to take his medication, and one week later he had a psychotic relapse.
We decided not to hospitalize him again because he was not refusing his medication, and we made sure he took it regularly. This whole process has been incredibly difficult for my family and, of course, especially for my brother.
Thankfully, he is now in remission. Throughout this process, I have done a lot of research and read many papers, and I have always tried to guide and support him. He is usually cooperative about his treatment, but sometimes he seems careless or dismissive about it.
For the past two weeks, his sleep schedule has been very irregular. He sometimes doesn’t fall asleep until 3, 4, or even 5 a.m. because his antipsychotic dose was reduced, and he says that he is feeling depressed.
In the mornings, he wakes up around the time he needs to take his medication, takes it, and then goes back to sleep. He doesn’t wake up until around noon. We try to motivate him and convince him to get out of bed, but because he sleeps during the morning, he struggles to fall asleep at night again.
We have been arguing a lot about his sleep schedule. I constantly tell him that we need to establish a regular sleep routine. He agrees in the evening and says that he will try, but the next morning, the same thing happens and he stays in bed for hours.
I am exhausted from constantly reminding him. Eventually, he yelled at me, told me to leave his room, and said that he was going to sleep.
Because he said he was feeling depressed, his doctor recently added Lamictal. He is currently taking lithium and olanzapine as well.
He is not severely depressed—we can observe that he can still laugh, have fun, and joke during the day. However, he has struggled a lot with accepting his illness and coming to terms with his diagnosis.
I honestly don’t know what else I should do anymore. I feel so exhausted. I wish he could take responsibility for his own sleep schedule and understand how important it is, instead of me having to constantly remind him.
I am really scared that this excessive sleeping and sleeping until noon could somehow trigger another manic episode. I know that sleep disruption can be a warning sign, and this is why I am so anxious about it.
Thank you so much for reading. Writing here and getting everything off my chest actually makes me feel a lot better.

Our 19 year old daughter is bi-polar. She’s a wreck financially and keeps going further and further into debt. She has payday loans more than she makes in a paycheck and 2 new credit cards showed up in the mail.

We’ve tried helping her and I co-signed on her lease so she could learn how to manage her finances. She went off medication a couple months ago and now she’s not paying rent.

Lease is up in 3 months. I don’t want to co-sign on a new lease. But, I doubt she will move back home because she can’t do everything she wants to do due to rules at our house. We don’t want her out on the street or couch surfing but it seems like we are just enabling at this point.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Hi all. I found this sub while trying to find somewhere to talk about something that's happened recently.

My sister is diagnosed as bipolar. I don't know further designation beyond that, she has not shared that info.

My whole life has revolved around the chaos of her illness. She's hurt me a great many times over the years. I've always done my best to process my feelings and work towards stability and reconciliation for her sake and for the sake of our whole family.

Some years back I was SA'd at a party. She later dated one of the men who was involved. They had been dating just shy of three months when he died in a car accident. I almost cut her out of my life when she started going out with him. Somehow I found it within myself to try to move past it. I still don't really understand how I managed to do that. She's my blood and I knew she was hurting, I guess.

A few years after she died she called me and confided in me that he had been a crappy boyfriend to her. We talked about the assault. We talked specifically about how painful it was for me to have to see a bunch of people celebrate his life and mourn him every year. We ended that conversation effectively on the same page that he was not a good person.

She just went and got a tattoo memorializing him. She sent it to me and didn't tell me what it represented. I found out from a paragraphs-long Facebook post about how much she missed him. It reopened all those old wounds for me. I called my parents and told them the miserable details of what happened between me and this man, and made them aware that my sister knew about all of it. My parents say that she's unwell and I need to toughen up for the sake of everybody's kids. My husband and closest friends think that I've suffered enough and I should cut her out of my life. Right now I don't ever want to see her again.

How does one begin to cope with something like this?

She isn't getting better and i doubt she will. We stopped talking so I don't even know how she is truly doing but we live together and i can tell she's not eating, not going to classes, smoking a shit ton of weed, lying to our parents...

I'm just exhausted. This is the last year they gave her to turn her life around before they force her to go back to my parents house and work. I know she won't work. I don't know what will happen next.

I miss having a sister. I miss the person she never became because she succumbed to her disorder and addictions. I'm just lost. I'm sorry for the depressing post, i have no one i feel like I can truly talk about this with.

My friend has Bipolar and experienced a manic episode with psychotic features. She has been on a vacation when the mania started and was back at work for 1 day before going on FMLA. The 1 day she was at work she made some verbal threats towards a coworker. She has now stabilized and returned to work at the end of her FMLA. They are talking about firing her due to the threats she made. Is this behavior protected under FMLA or anything? She does not remember the events at all.

Hey everyone. I (32F) just want to share my personal story and some events that happened recently, and I'm looking for ways to deal with this, and just hear from people who have similar experiences.

My mom has bipolar I, she was diagnosed when she was in her 40s. During several episodes, I'd say about 4 times, this escalated into a full-blown psychosis. One time was when I was 3 years old, and she ran away with me because she thought my dad was sexually abusing me (this was not the case, and it was obviously traumatic for him).

During other psychotic episodes, she was very scared and paranoid, and I had to reassure her. All my experiences with her have made me hypervigilant and it feels like I'm in a constant fight-flight-freeze mode.

What I'm struggling with now, is that my mother is hypersexual and displays uninhibited behavior during manic episodes. She's in her 70s. During her latest episode, she posted an "intimate video" of herself on her Facebook stories. A man I didn't know called me to notify me of it. I was grateful for him to let me know (I quit social media), but it was just... So hard and mortifying. I drove to my mom in the middle of the night, spent the night at her place, took her to the GP the next day, and she was voluntarily hospitalized for two weeks.

Now, she's back home, but her mental state doesn't seem to have improved. She's drinking heavily, and it worsens her state. I try to be empathetic. I know that hypersexuality is part of the disease. I know I can't expect my mom to quit an addiction she's had for over 30 years. But there are rumors about her going through town, and I don't want my mom to be in such a vulnerable situation. She has also stalked men during her manic episodes, and has made very inappropriate remarks.

I want to have a good relationship with my mom, and it has actually improved the last couple of years. We often have a good relationship when things are more stable, and I don't want to "abandon" her when things get hard for her, especially since I'm an only child and part of the care comes down to me. I don't want to feel ashamed or responsible about her behavior, yet I still do. I just got back from a vacation, but I spent a chunk of the time worrying about her.

I can see she's trying, but her disorder and addiction make things so difficult. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Any kind words and sharing of experiences are much appreciated.

My dad is in an involuntary hold for the third time in the past month. He refuses to take his medicine the way it should be taken and thinks everything is fine.

When all of this happens, he only talks to me. He called me at the hospital today and acted like everything was fine. I told him to stop calling me and said that if you don't take your medication you won't hear from me ever again. I feel like me saying all of that shir made it worse because I know you're not supposed to disagree with someone in mania, but what else am I supposed to do?

He is experiencing extreme psychosis. Like mind you he's Jewish, we found a BIBLE in his car today and he has been texting me he was seeing god which led him to us calling psychiatric services. He also thinks my mom is the devil which is the worst part about this. It makes me so scared because I'm hours away now and all I can do is hope this will end.

I'm trying to have fun here. Like I am but today when I was with all my friends I had to go in my room and just cry about everything. I am also scared for my wellbeing. When something bad happens, I don't care. When someone asks to do something, I'm like sure whatever. I feel so emotionally numb by this.

He claims to love his kids and family so much, but is actively hurting all of us. Why should I even bother anymore? I also said that I'm glad he feels so great, but nobody else around him does. Did I make it worse?

Like listen, I know I'm considered an adult, turning 21 in a couple days (woo) but I also know I'm a little young to know what to do in this situation.

I am mourning someone who is still alive.

I don't know if I could ever go home again. Everyday I think of how I can afford my own apartment after graduating and I don't think I'm gonna go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas or anything. I just can't do it anymore.

Please everyone pray to someone you believe in for me because I'm just so done and I don't know what to do anymore

for context: she just got out of the hospital for a manic episode (her 2nd longest, 3 weeks baker acted). she seemed okay-ish for the first 2 days of being home but now on the third shes back to showing signs. signs include:
believing shes going to boston (shes going in circles in spring hill florida right now).
believing the band smashing pumpkins stole my birth certificate and broke into her car
believing shes a famous pop star on the run
reckless driving
singing loudly in any setting (night day public or private. she loudly sang in the spiderman movie theater and got kicked out).
blocking me, saying im attention seeking, denying a sexual assault i reported a long time ago

i decided to go out to lunch the movies and to get a piercing with her earlier today thinking she was doing better to celebrate, but she started talking in nonsense and recklessly and dangerously driving, so i convinced her to park and ran and hid inside a bathroom until someone else could pick me up. shes been sending me texts calling me manipulative and saying im lying about her being manic for attention, aswell as calling my grandparents to tell them the same thing, but they agree with me and understand shes manic.

recently, she blocked me due to me demanding she take her medication. i told her i wouldnt speak to her or see her anymore until she took it. now shes telling my grandparents and her friends (and even tried telling my partner) that im the one not on my meds, that im lying for attention, that im an evil manipulator, and that shes a victim of my “abuse”. she even claimed that her ex boyfriend, who sexually assaulted me, didnt do it and that i faked that for attention.

i know shes projecting but its devistating. were waiting until tuesday to get her psychiatrist to send her back to the hospital but until then i have to avoid her at all costs. can someone comfort me please and give me advice? i refuse to put myself through this again.

Καλησπέρα σας, ήθελα να εκφράσω την εμπειρία μου, τα τελευταία 7 χρόνια έχω σχέση και είμαι παντρεμένος με μια γυναίκα που ανακαλύψαμε πρόσφατα ότι πάσχει από διπολική διαταραχή. Έχουμε μια κόρη μαζί. Η γυναίκα μου γενικότερα έχει ιδιαίτερες εκρήξεις συμπεριφοράς, ενίοτε γίνεται επιθετική απέναντι μου, περνάει από διάφορες φάσεις μανίας και κατάθλιψης. Τους τελευταίους δύο μήνες έγινε ένα περιστατικό, που αναγκαστικά μας ώθησε να ανακαλύψουμε την διαταραχή της. Ξεκίνησε να μιλάει στο instagram με άλλους άντρες. Όταν την ανακάλυψα άρχισε να κλαίει ότι δεν ξέρει τι την έπιασε, ήταν παρορμητική, δεν μπορούσε να ελέγξει τίποτα. Της είπα να χωρίσουμε μετά έκανε απόπειρα αυτοκτονίας, και κάπως έτσι ανακαλύψαμε ότι πάσχει από διπολική. Την παρακολουθεί ένας ψυχίατρος τώρα. Απλά η ανησυχία μου είναι ότι πριν από μερικές μέρες ξανά μίλησε με έναν από τους άντρες που μιλούσε στο instagram με την ίδια ακριβώς δικαιολογία, είχα ευφορία, δεν μπορούσα να το διαχειριστώ και όλα αυτά. Ρωτάω εγώ τώρα, έτσι θα γίνεται συνέχεια; Θα υπάρξει απιστία , εάν πάρει τα χάπια θα σταθεροποιηθεί και δεν θα κάνει τέτοια ; Τι ακριβώς να κάνω ; Την αγαπώ μεν, θα την βοηθήσω προφανώς αλλά τι μπορώ να κάνω ; Έχει κάποιος αντίστοιχη εμπειρία ; Και πως τα διαχειριστήκατε ;

Ευχαριστώ.

15 years of marriage and now we are in his 7th manic episode. I am so tired and confused that I’m literally writing in a group of total strangers just because I need somewhere to put all this pain.
I have to be strong for our daughter, I have to support him, understand him, somehow keep the family together. I don’t really tell my friends or my parents because I’m always trying to protect his reputation and not change how people see him. So I keep a lot of this inside.
But these periods change our life so much. When the mania comes it feels completely uncontrollable. He gets into debt, spends money on things that in that moment seem absolutely logical to him, makes decisions that affect all of us for months ahead. And then after 4-5 months of mania usually comes depression, and for another 6-8 months he is almost like a vegetable, barely functioning, and needs even more support.
I just don’t know how much more I have in me. Sometimes I want to stop everything and just feel free again. I want to feel confident and optimistic again, like I used to. I’m trying to hold myself together but sometimes I’m so angry at him, at myself, at this whole life.
For the last 3 years I really thought I was building my career so we could finally move forward. We’ve been living the three of us in one room and all I wanted was to move into a bigger apartment and give our daughter her own room, her own bed, desk, wardrobe, just a normal space of her own. In April 2026 we finally started renovating the apartment and then in May the mania started again. And I was left alone with everything. Family expenses, rent, school, renovation, while he barely works and spends money on whatever he believes is right at that moment. And when I try to talk about it he just says “trust the process.”
I’m so angry when I hear that. Because I am the process. I am the one keeping everything from falling apart.
And I have to keep going because if I don’t, we can lose the apartment and end up back in one room again, three people in one room.
I don’t even know what I want from posting this. Probably nothing. I just needed to say it somewhere because I feel like I can’t carry it quietly anymore.