u/iamashadowofmyself

44M-SA-Me/47F-FA-Wife (fearful avoidant)
I am not a therapist. The possibility of my wife having BPD is based on our couple counsellor's suggestions to look into it as he did inner child/EMDR with her individually. Wife is in denial overall. That and also my long time experience with a phenomena that really didnt make sense unless I assumed there are two distinctly different personalities.

----------------
So it ended for us after 9 very unstable, rocky marriage and this post is not about that, I have made other posts around it. I could not take it anymore as well as she was suffering every other day.

In a very short summary, she swings into two personalities, one thinks I am best thing happened to her and other finds me so horrible that I think she worries about safety.

All simple so far, divorce feels like it will take away that constant walking trigger (which is me) and I can focus on my health. So far so good.

The issue is that I am genuinely worried for her the way things are unfolding. So over last 1 year, the frequency and intensity of these episodes have increased tangibly. Like the amount of hate and anger is just palpable. I see her shaking, screaming in high pitched voice in an angered state to which any sound/word/even moving body comes as offending/threatening. It used be trigger based 10 years ago, then perceived criticism became a trigger and now in recent times, I feel age is also playing a big factor in it. Like these meltdown have started to show time based patterns.

I dont believe anyone can really have normal body functions (brain health, memory, sleep etc)( if these episodes persists for long time and I am sure this is affecting her overall health significantly or it will soon. She is very healthy woman beside mental health stuff but also always has been on anemic side. She is in absolute denial to pursue serious therapy. In addition, I am worried about the pain, anger, helplessness she feels. In her opinion, I am walking away to a good life and that part alone is pushing her to extremes. I am genuinely worried about self half or sabotage.

On one hand she has talked about childhood abuse, bullying farther even today, parental traum. On other days, she thinks its all made up and her therapist have filled her mind with crazy theories about her parents. The swing I see about me, is consistent across every person in her life.

Her family (parents, brother, sister) doesn't know any of this. Also all of them have abused her and still abuse her according to her. I am close to her parents and family, and at least in current adult life, they are all warm/kind/proud of my wife and its very sincere, I dont want to extend that to childhood since obviously I was not there to see. I just have current story which is actually very warm and kind from them. They just think I am abandoning her which mostly comes from her sharing stories when she is angry. When she is good, she is a kind woman who would not talk about me to her family. Its like writing bad reviews only when you dont like the product and her parents absolutely have no idea about trauma side. Despite encouragement from me/couple counsellor/therapist, she has not talked to them at all.

Here comes why I care besides basic empathy for a partner of 10 years. Our 5 year old. My wife is a good mother since anger typically doesn't show up in mom-son bonding so I am trying to have 50-50 schedule where the kid bonds to us both. The painful part is that the data and the trajectory of last few years really worries me. I see this moving towards something very dark. e.g. there had been a couple nights where I stayed up thinking she might do something to harm me out of anger. Some really tragic moments where she tried to sabotage my relationship with the son who has grown roughly with 50-50 time split with us. (Just two of us ..me/kid...have gone to week long trips fairly often over last 5 years, that kind of bonding where I have played the role of primary parent.)

She doesn't have any close friends with whom she shares all this. There might be someone who might have some idea but reaching to that friend would be like breach of trust, since whatever I will share is kinda like... hey, these are issues with my wife, can you watch over for her in the future and be around?. It sounds really shitty despite the intentions. I want to talk to her parents, her older brother who could possibly support her unconditionally (handle her rants, anger and be there for her) but the issue is that the they are actually the source of perceived trauma and abuse so sharing with them is a big gamble. I will be honest, knowing them for 10 years, I have a feeling the childhood has been some tragic series of misinterpreted events where both parties are right in their ways.

Its not like she has consistent therapist and in my opinion, without full acceptance, she doesn't even believe therapy can help much at all.

So what are my avenues here? I certainly dont want to watch over her because the moment she feels that kind of care, to her it appears pity and she absolutely goes berserk. I plan to truly isolate myself with good intentions.

Realistically, it sounds like for me... accept what you got, and dont control the future. Kid will turn out to be ok kind of situation but I still wonder like an ENFP would.

44M-SA-Me/47F-FA-Wife
I am not a therapist. The possibility of my wife having BPD is based on our couple counsellor's suggestions to look into it as he did inner child/EMDR with her individually. Wife is in denial overall. That and also my long time experience with a phenomena that really didnt make sense unless I assumed there are two distinctly different personalities.

----------------
So it ended for us after 9 very unstable, rocky marriage and this post is not about that, I have made other posts around it. I could not take it anymore as well as she was suffering every other day.

In a very short summary, she swings into two personalities, one thinks I am best thing happened to her and other finds me so horrible that I think she worries about safety.

All simple so far, divorce feels like it will take away that constant walking trigger (which is me) and I can focus on my health. So far so good.

The issue is that I am genuinely worried for her the way things are unfolding. So over last 1 year, the frequency and intensity of these episodes have increased tangibly. Like the amount of hate and anger is just palpable. I see her shaking, screaming in high pitched voice in an angered state to which any sound/word/even moving body comes as offending/threatening. It used be trigger based 10 years ago, then perceived criticism became a trigger and now in recent times, I feel age is also playing a big factor in it. Like these meltdown have started to show time based patterns.

I dont believe anyone can really have normal body functions (brain health, memory, sleep etc)( if these episodes persists for long time and I am sure this is affecting her overall health significantly or it will soon. She is very healthy woman beside mental health stuff but also always has been on anemic side. She is in absolute denial to pursue serious therapy. In addition, I am worried about the pain, anger, helplessness she feels. In her opinion, I am walking away to a good life and that part alone is pushing her to extremes. I am genuinely worried about self half or sabotage.

On one hand she has talked about childhood abuse, bullying farther even today, parental traum. On other days, she thinks its all made up and her therapist have filled her mind with crazy theories about her parents. The swing I see about me, is consistent across every person in her life.

Her family (parents, brother, sister) doesn't know any of this. Also all of them have abused her and still abuse her according to her. I am close to her parents and family, and at least in current adult life, they are all warm/kind/proud of my wife and its very sincere, I dont want to extend that to childhood since obviously I was not there to see. I just have current story which is actually very warm and kind from them. They just think I am abandoning her which mostly comes from her sharing stories when she is angry. When she is good, she is a kind woman who would not talk about me to her family. Its like writing bad reviews only when you dont like the product and her parents absolutely have no idea about trauma side. Despite encouragement from me/couple counsellor/therapist, she has not talked to them at all.

Here comes why I care besides basic empathy for a partner of 10 years. Our 5 year old. My wife is a good mother since anger typically doesn't show up in mom-son bonding so I am trying to have 50-50 schedule where the kid bonds to us both. The painful part is that the data and the trajectory of last few years really worries me. I see this moving towards something very dark. e.g. there had been a couple kngihts where I stayed up thinking she might do something to harm me out of anger. Some really tragic moments where she tried to sabotage my relationship with the son who has grown roughly with 50-50 time split with us. (Just two of us ..me/kid...have gone to week long trips fairly often over last 5 years, that kind of bonding where I have played the role of primary parent.)

She doesn't have any close friends with whom she shares all this. There might be someone who might have some idea but reaching to that friend would be like breach of trust, since whatever I will share is kinda like... hey, these are issues with my wife, can you watch over for her in the future and be around?. It sounds really shitty despite the intentions. I want to talk to her parents, her older brother who could possibly support her unconditionally (handle her rants, anger and be there for her) but the issue is that the they are actually the source of perceived trauma and abuse so sharing with them is a big gamble. I will be honest, knowing them for 10 years, I have a feeling the childhood has been some tragedic series of misinterepreted events where both parties are right in their ways.

Its not like she has consistent therapist and in my opinion, without full acceptance, she doesn't even believe therapy can help much at all.

So what are my avenues here? I certainly dont want to watch over her because the moment she feels that kind of care, to her it appears pity and she absolutely goes berserk. I plan to truly isolate myself with good intentions.

Realistically, it sounds like for me... accept what you got, and dont control the future. Kid will turn out to be ok kind of situation but I still wonder like an ENFP would.

44M-SA-Me/47F-FA-Wife
I am not a therapist. The possibility of my wife having BPD is based on our couple counsellor's suggestions to look into it as he did inner child/EMDR with her individually. Wife is in denial overall. That and also my long time experience with a phenomena that really didnt make sense unless I assumed there are two distinctly different personalities.

----------------
So it ended for us after 9 very unstable, rocky marriage and this post is not about that, I have made other posts around it. I could not take it anymore as well as she was suffering every other day.

In a very short summary, she swings into two personalities, one thinks I am best thing happened to her and other finds me so horrible that I think she worries about safety.

All simple so far, divorce feels like it will take away that constant walking trigger (which is me) and I can focus on my health. So far so good.

The issue is that I am genuinely worried for her the way things are unfolding. So over last 1 year, the frequency and intensity of these episodes have increased tangibly. Like the amount of hate and anger is just palpable. I see her shaking, screaming in high pitched voice in an angered state to which any sound/word/even moving body comes as offending/threatening. It used be trigger based 10 years ago, then perceived criticism became a trigger and now in recent times, I feel age is also playing a big factor in it. Like these meltdown have started to show time based patterns.

I dont believe anyone can really have normal body functions (brain health, memory, sleep etc)( if these episodes persists for long time and I am sure this is affecting her overall health significantly or it will soon. She is very healthy woman beside mental health stuff but also always has been on anemic side. She is in absolute denial to pursue serious therapy. In addition, I am worried about the pain, anger, helplessness she feels. In her opinion, I am walking away to a good life and that part alone is pushing her to extremes. I am genuinely worried about self half or sabotage.

On one hand she has talked about childhood abuse, bullying farther even today, parental trauma. On other days, she thinks its all made up and her therapist have filled her mind with crazy theories about her parents. The swing I see about me, is consistent across every person in her life.

Her family (parents, brother, sister) doesn't know any of this. Also all of them have abused her and still abuse her according to her. I am close to her parents and family, and at least in current adult life, they are all warm/kind/proud of my wife and its very sincere, I dont want to extend that to childhood since obviously I was not there to see. I just have current story which is actually very warm and kind from them. They just think I am abandoning her which mostly comes from her sharing stories when she is angry. When she is good, she is a kind woman who would not talk about me to her family. Its like writing bad reviews only when you dont like the product and her parents absolutely have no idea about trauma side. Despite encouragement from me/couple counsellor/therapist, she has not talked to them at all.

Here comes why I care besides basic empathy for a partner of 10 years. Our 5 year old. My wife is a good mother since anger typically doesn't show up in mom-son bonding so I am trying to have 50-50 schedule where the kid bonds to us both. The painful part is that the data and the trajectory of last few years really worries me. I see this moving towards something very dark. e.g. there had been a couple nights where I stayed up thinking she might do something to harm me out of anger. Some really tragic moments where she tried to sabotage my relationship with the son who has grown roughly with 50-50 time split with us. (Just two of us ..me/kid...have gone to week long trips fairly often over last 5 years, that kind of bonding where I have played the role of primary parent.)

She doesn't have any close friends with whom she shares all this. There might be someone who might have some idea but reaching to that friend would be like breach of trust, since whatever I will share is kinda like... hey, these are issues with my wife, can you watch over for her in the future and be around?. It sounds really shitty despite the intentions. I want to talk to her parents, her older brother who could possibly support her unconditionally (handle her rants, anger and be there for her) but the issue is that the they are actually the source of perceived trauma and abuse so sharing with them is a big gamble. I will be honest, knowing them for 10 years, I have a feeling the childhood has been some tragic series of misinterpreted events where both parties are right in their ways.

Its not like she has consistent therapist and in my opinion, without full acceptance, she doesn't even believe therapy can help much at all.

So what are my avenues here? I certainly dont want to watch over her because the moment she feels that kind of care, to her it appears pity and she absolutely goes berserk. I plan to truly isolate myself with good intentions.

Realistically, it sounds like for me... accept what you got, and dont control the future. Kid will turn out to be ok kind of situation but I still wonder like an ENFP would.

44M-SA-Me/47F-FA-Wife
I am not a therapist. The possibility of my wife having BPD is based on our couple counsellor's suggestions to look into it as he did inner child/EMDR with her individually. Wife is in denial overall. That and also my long time experience with a phenomena that really didnt make sense unless I assumed there are two distinctly different personalities.

----------------
So it ended for us after 9 very unstable, rocky marriage and this post is not about that, I have made other posts around it. I could not take it anymore as well as she was suffering every other day.

In a very short summary, she swings into two personalities, one thinks I am best thing happened to her and other finds me so horrible that I think she worries about safety.

All simple so far, divorce feels like it will take away that constant walking trigger (which is me) and I can focus on my health. So far so good.

The issue is that I am genuinely worried for her the way things are unfolding. So over last 1 year, the frequency and intensity of these episodes have increased tangibly. Like the amount of hate and anger is just palpable. I see her shaking, screaming in high pitched voice in an angered state to which any sound/word/even moving body comes as offending/threatening. It used be trigger based 10 years ago, then perceived criticism became a trigger and now in recent times, I feel age is also playing a big factor in it. Like these meltdown have started to show time based patterns.

I dont believe anyone can really have normal body functions (brain health, memory, sleep etc)( if these episodes persists for long time and I am sure this is affecting her overall health significantly or it will soon. She is very healthy woman beside mental health stuff but also always has been on anemic side. She is in absolute denial to pursue serious therapy. In addition, I am worried about the pain, anger, helplessness she feels. In her opinion, I am walking away to a good life and that part alone is pushing her to extremes. I am genuinely worried about self half or sabotage.

On one hand she has talked about childhood abuse, bullying farther even today, parental traum. On other days, she thinks its all made up and her therapist have filled her mind with crazy theories about her parents. The swing I see about me, is consistent across every person in her life.

Her family (parents, brother, sister) doesn't know any of this. Also all of them have abused her and still abuse her according to her. I am close to her parents and family, and at least in current adult life, they are all warm/kind/proud of my wife and its very sincere, I dont want to extend that to childhood since obviously I was not there to see. I just have current story which is actually very warm and kind from them. They just think I am abandoning her which mostly comes from her sharing stories when she is angry. When she is good, she is a kind woman who would not talk about me to her family. Its like writing bad reviews only when you dont like the product and her parents absolutely have no idea about trauma side. Despite encouragement from me/couple counsellor/therapist, she has not talked to them at all.

Here comes why I care besides basic empathy for a partner of 10 years. Our 5 year old. My wife is a good mother since anger typically doesn't show up in mom-son bonding so I am trying to have 50-50 schedule where the kid bonds to us both. The painful part is that the data and the trajectory of last few years really worries me. I see this moving towards something very dark. e.g. there had been a couple kngihts where I stayed up thinking she might do something to harm me out of anger. Some really tragic moments where she tried to sabotage my relationship with the son who has grown roughly with 50-50 time split with us. (Just two of us ..me/kid...have gone to week long trips fairly often over last 5 years, that kind of bonding where I have played the role of primary parent.)

She doesn't have any close friends with whom she shares all this. There might be someone who might have some idea but reaching to that friend would be like breach of trust, since whatever I will share is kinda like... hey, these are issues with my wife, can you watch over for her in the future and be around?. It sounds really shitty despite the intentions. I want to talk to her parents, her older brother who could possibly support her unconditionally (handle her rants, anger and be there for her) but the issue is that the they are actually the source of perceived trauma and abuse so sharing with them is a big gamble. I will be honest, knowing them for 10 years, I have a feeling the childhood has been some tragedic series of misinterepreted events where both parties are right in their ways.

Its not like she has consistent therapist and in my opinion, without full acceptance, she doesn't even believe therapy can help much at all.

So what are my avenues here? I certainly dont want to watch over her because the moment she feels that kind of care, to her it appears pity and she absolutely goes berserk. I plan to truly isolate myself with good intentions.

Realistically, it sounds like for me... accept what you got, and dont control the future. Kid will turn out to be ok kind of situation but I still wonder like an ENFP would.

44M-SA/47F-FA

So it ended for us after 9 very unstable, rocky marriage and this post is not about that, I have made other posts around it. I could not take it anymore as well as she was suffering every other day.

In a very short summary, she swings into two personalities, one thinks I am best thing happened to her and other finds me so horrible that I think she worries about safety.

All simple so far, divorce feels like it will take away that constant walking trigger (which is me) and I can focus on my health. So far so good.

The issue is that I am genuinely worried for her the way things are unfolding. So over last 1 year, the frequency and intensity of these episodes have increased tangibly. Like the amount of hate and anger is just palpable. I see her shaking, screaming in high pitched voice in an angered state to which any sound/word/even moving body comes as offending/threatening. It used be trigger based 10 years ago, then perceived criticism became a trigger and now in recent times, I feel age is also playing a big factor in it. Like these meltdown have started to show time based patterns.

I dont believe anyone can really have normal body functions (brain health, memory, sleep etc)( if these episodes persists for long time and I am sure this is affecting her overall health significantly or it will soon. She is very healthy woman beside mental health stuff but also always has been on anemic side. She is in absolute denial to pursue serious therapy.

On one hand she has talked about childhood abuse, bullying farther even today, parental traum. On other days, she thinks its all made up and her therapist have filled her mind with crazy theories about her parents. The swing I see about me, is consistent across every person in her life.

Her family (parents, brother, sister) doesn't know any of this. Also all of them have abused her and still abuse her according to her. I am close to her parents and family, and at least in current adult life, they are all warm/kind/proud of my wife and its very sincere, I dont want to extend that to childhood since obviously I was not there to see. I just have current story which is actually very warm and kind from them. They just think I am abandoning her which mostly comes from her sharing stories when she is angry. When she is good, she is a kind woman who would not talk about me to her family. Its like writing bad reviews only when you dont like the product and her parents absolutely have no idea about trauma side. Despite encouragement from me/couple counsellor/therapist, she has not talked to them at all.

Here comes why I care besides basic empathy for a partner of 10 years. Our 5 year old. My wife is a good mother since anger typically doesn't show up in mom-son bonding so I am trying to have 50-50 schedule where the kid bonds to us both. The painful part is that the data and the trajectory of last few years really worries me. I see this moving towards something very dark. e.g. there had been a couple kngihts where I stayed up thinking she might do something to harm me out of anger. Some really tragic moments where she tried to sabotage my relationship with the son who has grown roughly with 50-50 time split with us. (Just two of us ..me/kid...have gone to week long trips fairly often over last 5 years, that kind of bonding where I have played the role of primary parent.)

She doesn't have any close friends with whom she shares all this. There might be someone who might have some idea but reaching to that friend would be like breach of trust, since whatever I will share is kinda like... hey, these are issues with my wife, can you watch over for her in the future and be around?. It sounds really shitty despite the intentions. I want to talk to her parents, her older brother who could possibly support her unconditionally (handle her rants, anger and be there for her) but the issue is that the they are actually the source of perceived trauma and abuse so sharing with them is a big gamble. I will be honest, knowing them for 10 years, I have a feeling the childhood has been some tragedic series of misinterepreted events where both parties are right in their ways.

Its not like she has consistent therapist and in my opinion, without full acceptance, she doesn't even believe therapy can help much at all.

So what are my avenues here? I certainly dont want to watch over her because the moment she feels that kind of care, to her it appears pity and she absolutely goes berserk. I plan to truly isolate myself with good intentions.

Realistically, it sounds like for me... accept what you got, and dont control the future. Kid will turn out to be ok kind of situation but I still wonder like an ENFP would.

Facing divorce and I might need some pointers on how to set boundaries financially. What are blindspots after divorce? If it was just us, things would be easier but trying to figure out with kid involved, and we both are bonded to him. That adds the complexity.

I have had a good engg career and I make decent. Wife has accomplished but has always struggle to find happiness with work and after marriage she just stopped working and focused on the art. All good, no issues. I always looked at everything as joint (assets/incomes). She did bring in some, but roughly 10-20% and didnt add to joint part, kept it separate mostly.

But through the divorce and some arguments, I have a feeling that she might be trying to exploit me in some ways. Our current lease is 1800, post divorce she is moving into 2000 rental place and I will be in 1200 place. Kid will be spending equal time/nights with both of us. She was extremely furious when I suggested her to look for apartment. She said I am trying to control her about where she should live and said asking her to move to apartment after living in a house was disrepectful.

Another bombshell came yesterday when she said because of this divorce I am "forcing" her to earn money to pay for MY rental. As of now its only my income but since we will be stretched on budget of two houses, there is a good chance that we will eat up all monthly income and she might have to start working. She calls it that she will be working to handle my extra expenses, I dont even know what to say about that.

So things like that had made me ponder over things. My general assumption has been, whatever goes to her, will in turn be with kid. I have overall been generous with my time and money (and I am surrounded my generous people throughout life, so its balanced). I plan to be kind and empathetic to her no matter what she does, but I am not sure how to set a boundary so she doesnt exploit things further. How do I stop bending when she uses kid as an excuse/shield?

If I can, I would also like to hear about this from divorced single mom who are struggling, to understand the other side of the story.

Location: Indiana, USA.

Me and wife are discussing separation logistics and I am very firm on separation being a thing. What I am not fully able to understand yet is ... IF .. there are any legal angles I should consider if things don't reconcile in say 6-12 months and if we file a divorce.

While I absolutely dont see anything changing financially during separation time (I am primary earner and I see myself continuing with same, so wife gets time to work on certain things with primary focus rather than worry about finances for an year. She had a strong career before so eventually she would be ok once the dust settles. Also we have a 5 year old).

The biggest point of conflict right now is house buying since our lease is ending in July and we have to move out of current rental place.

My stance - "Lets live in separate rental house, prioritize working on relationship, work out logistics with child and if one year later, things dont improve then part ways and do things legally whatever we agree upon. Buying house together while also working on separation is going to complicate things. Especially since we dont know if you would find the right job in this location/city"

Wife's stance - "I am not moving into rental place, you need to buy a house right now as you are doing this last minute (2 months before move out date). I will take up mortgage if we part ways. We will own 50-50 stakes and this will be our joint asset if things come to divorce. Its not fair for the kid to move out again one year later."

This is an absolutely stalemate. Can someone please explain how wife's proposal could work and what are watchouts if we go that route?

To make it clear, I am talking about seething, lasting anger... anger about something that happened long time back.

I am 45, generally a happy guy who almost have never felt the anger like this. Of course I curse for banter, I vent out when I game at my friends but its more like "you play horrible when on my team" kind of anger, very situational. But besides that I dont remember being angry on anyone and I have around 30+ close friends with most of them for around 15+ years. Even observing my friends, and having spent tons of time with them I dont ever see them angry.

On other hand, my wife always ends up exploding in seething lasting anger after every conflict (difference of opinions). Every now and she mentions something that happened year or years ago and says that anger has not go away and she continues in some suppressed way.

This is not a vent about her, this is just a scale-range I see. My wife says anger is very natural basic human emotion/feeling and something is wrong with me for not able to feel angry. I feel that empathy and kindness for others almost always takes anger away for me.

That makes me wonder, do most people get angry? What kind of anger people feel? Do you feel angry AT other people? Do you feel more angry at close people/friends or random folks you run into?

I am looking to hear from experiences those who might have gone through this. I am struggling to imagine the reality of how things will be in future in terms of logistics and more importantly, how would a 5 year old would handle it.

Here is quick context.

- both of us mid 40, married for 10 years and kid is now 5

- for first 4 years of kid, both of us took career breaks and raised the kid together with almost 50-50 work division. So our kid is emotionally close to both of us, both of us have played role of primary parent, switching as needed. Overall kid has been extremely perceptive and normal on usual growth milestones.

- My wife struggles from some form of BPD, FA attachment, splitting, black and white thinking. That has been the root cause of our inability to bond as the trust never existed. We dont reflect the kind of relationship I want my kid to see as a reference and grow up. He sees a dad who is nervous around mother because of mother could explode anytime and he rarely sees us laughing together, bantering, talking, debating, joking etc etc. All that would have been ok but after 10 years of this, my therapist says I am showing signs equivalent of PTSD and system might collapse if I lose it. I agree, in terms of my physical health because of constant stress.

Question:
I am not thinking of divorce, I am thinking some kind of break that would allow her to focus on herself, therapy, healing from childhood trauma. But realistically that might be asking too much and might not produce result. A vague kind of question would be, is it worth continuing this for the sake of kid. Even if we manage to not have fights, or conflicts in front of him, the underlying issue remains of mom-dad being tense around each other.

Second question would be, how kid will see this? What kind of impact it might have on his perception? What kind of realistic outcomes are possible for him? Renting out a place nearby, I might be able to stay fully available as a dad but I understand the court (if things go to divorce) will put some limitation on visitation and custody. So how does this might impact kid not having full access to dad? In my opinion, given my wife's struggles with emotional regulations, kid has faced the little burn from it (which is fine) and often times I had been there as an anchor to give him a sense of stability during small conflicts (usual kid tantrums, power dynamics etc usual things) as he is growing up through things. I see that stability, might not be there for him and how do I come to agreement with it emotionally?

Another logistic question would be finance. Realistically, I can see my wife struggling with getting a full time job. She is well educated, capable, and highly intelligent woman and yet those earlier issues I mentioned often result in fear, depression that makes regular functioning very challenging. For context, we are in process of buying house and I am thinking, let me buy a house, take up the mortgage and kid/wife will live in it. Is that realistic thinking? Should I buy house only in my name with all this going on? My approach is to avoid complex situations.

Those who might have gone through something similar, could you share your experiences please?