u/Evening_Day_5939

Hello, I’m looking for advice on how to deal with an upsetting situation I have found myself in.
Last week I gave birth, the pregnancy was complicated in the last few weeks and I ended up requiring an emergency c section. To say the least, it was traumatic for me and my husband. We live across the country from his family. Due to the circumstance, our pediatrician recommended we hold off on large, extended family visits until baby is stronger in a few months (September). In the meantime, we were advised to be selective with visitors. His family is notorious for not having good communication skills and everyone thought we were not allowing ANYONE to visit until September. I am close with my MIL and *assumed* (without explicitly communicating) that she would visit sometime this month. I thought we had told her she was the exception to this rule but my memory is foggy as the last month of pregnancy was a nightmare. Long story short, the family was disappointed that we weren’t going to “allow” a grandmother to meet her grandchild for 2 months (false). My bipolar SIL, who I am not close with at all and have interacted with just a handful of times, took matters into her own hands and sent me a scathing message when I was 6 days postpartum- accusing me of being a manipulative, controlling monster, an awful wife, daughter & sister-in-law, and breaking everyone’s hearts in the family. She stated she does not trust me and made it clear that I am not accepted. The tone of the message was incredibly angry. I immediately contacted my MIL and other SIL to clear up any confusion. They were horrified and told me that she had been experiencing one of her “episodes”. They were very apologetic and told me it was only a matter of time before I would be on the receiving end. She is unmedicated but self medicates with alcohol and other substances. My husband sent her a message letting her know that her actions were unacceptable and we will not be communicating with her until she offers a sincere apology, and even then, trust and respect must be earned. I have NO idea how to deal with this. I don’t think his family knows how to deal with it either. It seems that everyone is afraid of her and also afraid of losing her, so she consistently gets away with this kind of abuse.
I am so hurt. To receive treatment like this as a first time freshly postpartum mom, after a traumatic birth, hormones crashing, no sleep, c section recovery.. I’m beside myself. I guess I’m looking for advice or insight on how to move forward and how to protect myself and my daughter in the future during situations like this.

Hello everyone. For context- I’m 39 weeks pregnant just found out my baby is breech. I had an unsuccessful procedure to try to turn her, my local hospital does not allow natural breech births and I am having an unplanned and unwanted c-section tomorrow. As you can imagine, I’m anxious and having a hard time preparing for a sudden birth situation that I was not expecting.
I am VLC with my BPD mom, this works for me because she lives across the country and has agoraphobia so she won’t travel. She is on a strict information diet and does not/will not know about my current situation. I gave her a false due date because I had a feeling she would try to amp up communication closer to the due date. I desperately want the comfort of a mom, I’m having a hard time wanting to talk to her and share everything with her, though I know she is the last person on earth that would help or nurture me in the way that I need. My husband is an incredible partner and human being, my friends are so supportive and loving, but nothing fills the void left by a mentally ill mother. My mother wound usually feels like a scar, but lately it feels like a weak scab. Can anyone relate? Any words of wisdom?

I’d consider my BPD mom an eccentric hippie type. She’s always been into the New Age movement, spent time in Hari Krishna, Jesus cults etc. She also goes through periods of psychosis and believes she has a direct line of communication with Jesus, John Lennon, her dead ex boyfriend, and aliens. Anyway, I was visiting her months ago and accidentally left a piece of jewelry at her house. Recently I visited again and asked her where it was.. “Oh it’s upstairs in one of my desk drawers” so I go upstairs and the first desk drawer I open is full of used witchcraft supplies and photos of me and writings about me. Clearly she had been doing rituals FOR me, obviously without my permission or knowledge. I would NEVER consent to this. It appears as though she was doing some kind of ritual wishing for me to come back to myself. She has been struggling with our relationship ever since I started drawing boundaries, communicating less, and standing up for myself. She complains that I’ve lost myself, she doesn’t know who I am anymore, I’m a monster, she is a victim of my behavior and she never did anything to deserve to be “shut out”. The feeling of violation I am experiencing is akin to feeling spied on or physically assaulted. She has violated me in so many ways and now I know she is violating me spiritually! It’s SO weird and gross and it makes me feel like I need to take a shower. Has anything like this happened to anyone else??
*I know a lot of you folks will tell me to go NC, but that is not an option at this time. My dad is dying and it’s important to me that I keep a low contact line available until he passes. No contact will be an option in the future, but not now- so please don’t try to convince me otherwise. I’m doing what I believe is ethical for my relationship with my dad and am willing to put up with my mom’s BS until he becomes a ghost she inevitably talks to.