u/Tricky-Director-3851

Hi everyone. I thought I’d come on here because I don’t really know any other glass children in real life, and I’ve been feeling really lonely lately.
I’m 20 and going into my third year of university. I’ve always found it hard to make friends, and I think a lot of that connects back to my family life, my brother’s disability, and some of the mental health issues and trauma I grew up with. As of now, I pretty much only have two friends. I’m also very introverted and reserved, and I’ve never been in a relationship.
Lately I’ve been craving more connection in my life and I’ve been feeling very lonely, but I honestly don’t really know what to do. I keep wondering if I’m the only glass child who ended up with very few friends or very little of a social life, or if other people here can relate.
There are some things in my life that could potentially help me meet more people. I volunteer at my university, and I will be in a smaller cohort (somewhat) this upcoming year where I’ll hopefully be around the same people more consistently. So I know there are opportunities, but I still feel really discouraged.
I think what hurts the most is feeling like so much of my childhood and adolescence was defined by stress, hardship, family issues, and just trying to cope, instead of the more normal experiences of friendship, connection, dating, and feeling carefree. I’m only 20, but sometimes I already feel sad about how much of my life has felt heavy and how different I feel from others around me.
I’m not really looking for people to tell me to just “put myself out there.” I think I’m more looking for perspective from people who actually understand the glass-child experience. Did your social life get better as you got older? Did you eventually find your people? How did you deal with the loneliness, resentment, or feeling like you missed out on a more normal childhood?
Any advice, words of wisdom, or even just hearing from someone who relates would mean a lot.

I’ve been posting on this subreddit a lot recently, and I think it’s because I’ve just been feeling really fucking lonely.

I’m 20 years old, female, and I live in Canada. I come from an immigrant family, and I live with my parents and my younger brother, who is severely autistic and nonverbal. I actually just turned 20.

Practically speaking, I’m also a very lonely person. I have maybe two friends at most. I’ve always struggled with making friends, I’ve never been in a relationship, and a lot of that has been because of my family circumstances. Whether it was constantly moving, being too scared for people to find out about my brother’s disability, never really being able to invite people over, or just dealing with neglect and my own mental health, I feel like there were always barriers in the way.

But I think the deeper loneliness comes from being a glass child.

I’m not even going to get into my specific experiences or everything that’s happened in my life because we’d be here forever. I just wish I knew other glass children in real life.

I actually did meet another glass child a while ago. She was a bit older than me, and I remember feeling so relieved to meet someone who understood parts of my life without me having to explain everything. But when I tried to build more of a friendship with her afterwards, it just wasn’t really reciprocated, which honestly sucked.

Since then, I haven’t met anyone else.

I don’t know anybody who has a sibling as severely disabled as mine. Sometimes I just wish I knew someone who truly understood. I’m honestly also so frustrated that, at least in my experience, I’ve never even been able to find something as basic as a support group for glass children. Maybe they exist and I just haven’t found them, but it genuinely blows my mind that I’ve gone 20 years without ever finding a space where people like us can meet in real life.

Someone who knows what it’s like to constantly worry about your sibling. Someone who knows what it’s like to feel like you can’t be another burden because your parents are already so overwhelmed. Someone who understands the emotional neglect, or what it feels like going out in public with your sibling and having everyone stare at your family. I honestly think a lot of my social anxiety came from those experiences.

I wish somebody understood what it’s like to constantly worry about the future. To wonder if you’ll ever find close friends or a partner who truly understands your family situation. To grieve the childhood, sibling relationship, and family life you never got to have while still loving your sibling at the same time.

I could honestly go on and on, and I have a feeling a lot of you probably know exactly what I mean.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this other than to say I’ve just been feeling incredibly lonely lately, and I wanted to ask…

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Like the hardest part isn’t just what you’ve been through, it’s feeling like almost nobody in your real life truly understands it.

Sometimes I honestly just sit there and wonder why my life has been so hard. I know all of us here have struggled in different ways, and for me it hasn’t just been my brother’s disability. It feels like there have been so many other hardships layered on top of it. I’m just so tired of feeling lonely all the time, and I really hope one day life feels lighter than it does right now.

These past few days have been really, really stressful for me and my family, and I honestly just needed somewhere to vent. I don’t know anyone in real life who can relate to this.

For context, I’m in Canada, and my younger brother is nonverbal and severely autistic.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve felt like I’ve had to be my family’s biggest advocate because my parents are immigrants. English isn’t their first language, and navigating government programs, schools, respite services, and other agencies has always been incredibly difficult for them. I’ve always been the one arguing with people, making phone calls, advocating for services, and standing up for my family because it often feels like nobody else will.

What frustrates me the most is how often the people and systems that were supposed to help have made our lives harder instead.

Over the years, we’ve dealt with racism from certain providers, had to fight for services we were entitled to, and repeatedly been sent respite workers who had little to no understanding of autism or my brother’s support needs. Some would spend the day doing almost nothing, while others would quit after the first shift because they clearly weren’t prepared for the job.

It wasn’t just respite either. We had awful experiences with schools. Too often it felt like educational assistants and staff weren’t properly trained or supported to work with children who have high support needs. Instead of helping my brother succeed, the situation constantly escalated until he was eventually kicked out of school. I still remember having to stand up to my brothers principal because I was so frustrated with how everything was being handled. That’s a memory I’ll never forget.

Then, instead of taking responsibility or acknowledging the shortcomings of the system, it often felt like agencies or service providers would make my family feel like we were the problem.

Sometimes it honestly feels like these systems take advantage of the fact that my parents are immigrants and don’t always know how to navigate everything or advocate for themselves in English. Whether that’s intentional or not, that’s how it has felt.

I’ve been advocating for my family since I was a kid, and honestly, I’m exhausted. Before I even blame my family, I often find myself blaming the systems that were supposed to support families like ours but instead added even more stress.

Does anyone else relate? Has anyone else’s family felt like disability services, schools, respite agencies, or government programs ended up creating more work and more trauma instead of actually helping? Sometimes I genuinely feel so alone in this, and I’d really appreciate hearing if anyone else has had similar experiences.

I know this is a bit of a specific post and isn’t entirely about being a glass child, but I was wondering if anyone else feels like there were so many other factors in your life that made your situation even harder.

Like, my younger brother has severe, nonverbal autism. He’s been violent in the past, was kicked out of school, and that alone made my childhood and high school years incredibly difficult.

But honestly, sometimes I feel like my brother’s disability was only one piece of it.

My parents were never the most emotionally mature or mentally stable people, and I struggled because of that long before everything with my brother escalated. Then my brother came along, and everything became 5,000 times harder. My parents coped by throwing themselves into religion, which just made me feel even more neglected.

On top of that, I come from a South Asian family where extended family always seemed to come first. People would stay at our house for weeks at a time, disrupting my privacy, and my parents would lend money or make huge sacrifices for relatives even when we couldn’t afford it. Eventually, I had to give them the $10,000 I’d worked so hard to save because they’d drained my entire college fund.

The support has never gone both ways. My extended family has never shown up for us the way we’ve shown up for them. I’ve had to sacrifice so much for my aunt because of my parents, and then at my graduation, where my dad and brother couldn’t even be there, she showed up, took photos, and left. She expected me to do her makeup that morning, and I didn’t even want her there in the first place. My mom invited her anyway after I’d asked her not to.

I’ve also moved around a lot growing up, carried so much shame about my family situation, and never really felt safe opening up about my brother. Looking back, I feel like there were always barriers stopping me from forming close friendships. I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve been isolated for most of my life, and I’ve struggled with my mental health for years.

Sometimes I just feel like I’ve been incredibly unlucky. It’s not just one thing that went wrong, it feels like one thing after another. Being a glass child was hard enough, but it almost feels like every other aspect of my life made it even harder.

I’m 20 now, and I do think things are finally starting to look up, but damn… it’s been such a fight.

Does anyone else relate? Does anyone else feel like having a disabled sibling was only one part of why life was so difficult, and that you were just dealt a really unfair hand overall?

I know this is going to make me sound like an awful person, but I need to know if anyone else relates.

I come from a South Asian immigrant family, and growing up as a glass child wasn’t the only thing that made my childhood difficult. My parents were very flawed. They were often emotionally neglectful, not just because of my brother but because of so many other things. They made terrible financial decisions that affected me personally, they’ve taken money from me, they let extended family treat me horribly, and I spent most of my childhood feeling like everybody else’s needs came before mine.

I don’t even want to get into every little detail because I think a lot of people on this subreddit already understand how complicated growing up as a glass child can be.

But I genuinely feel like my life has been exceptionally hard.

I’m only 20 years old, and I honestly feel like my life has just been one crisis after another. Sometimes I feel like, with the exception of my best friend, almost nobody has ever really seen me, valued me, or made me feel like I mattered.

Despite everything, I’ve always tried so hard to be a good person. I love my younger brother more than anything. I’ve tried to be a good daughter even when I didn’t feel like I was treated very well. I work hard in school. I try to be kind and empathetic. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life surviving while still trying to do the right thing.

Then I look around at people my age who had supportive parents, stable homes, close siblings, money, friends, relationships, and now they just… keep getting more. More opportunities. More people who love them. More people who admire them. More happiness.

And I know this sounds horrible, but sometimes my brain literally thinks,

“I’m better than you.”

Or,

“I deserve that more than you do.”

Not because I think I’m perfect. Not because I think they’re bad people.

But because I look at everything I’ve survived and I think, if you had lived my life, would you still be standing? Would you still be working this hard? Would you still be trying to be a good person?

Sometimes I feel like I’ve had to fight ten times harder just to get to the same place other people started from.

I know these thoughts aren’t healthy. I’m trying to work through them. I don’t want to become a bitter person cause I already struggle enough socially. I think underneath all the anger is just so much grief over the life I never got to have.

I’m just wondering… does anyone else experience this? Does anyone else compare themselves to people who had much easier lives and feel angry that life just seems to keep giving them more?

Hi everyone.

I’ve posted here before, but I’ve been thinking about something lately and I was wondering if anyone else relates.

I’m 20 and come from a South Asian immigrant family. I also have a younger brother with severe, nonverbal autism and very high support needs.

Lately I’ve been realizing that one of the biggest sources of pain in my life wasn’t just growing up as a glass child.

It was feeling like the adults around me kept putting everyone else’s needs before mine.

My brother obviously had very high needs, but it didn’t stop there.

It felt like my mom’s emotional needs came before mine. Extended family problems came before mine. Other adults’ responsibilities came before mine. When I was around 12 or 13, my family was already struggling with my brother, my mom was dealing with her own mental health, and my grandmother was dying of cancer. Despite all of that, my parents took on the responsibility of helping arrange my aunt’s marriage. That eventually brought a recently widowed man (who is and was really horrible to my family), and his children into our lives. I have really complicated feelings about that whole situation.

I remember feeling like those children were getting attention and emotional energy that I already didn’t have enough of.

There were times I felt expected to babysit, help out, and accommodate people who weren’t even my responsibility.

I also remember feeling like, despite everything going on at home (during high school when my brother got kicked out of school, violence at home, etc) I was still expected to keep pushing through, working jobs, helping out, and just adapting to whatever was happening around me.

Looking back, I keep thinking:

I was already struggling. Why wasn’t someone trying to protect me too? I think one of the hardest things for me to process is that I wasn’t an adult. I was a kid who was already dealing with a high-needs sibling, loneliness, family stress, and a lot of responsibility. Sometimes it feels like there was always another crisis, another family obligation, or another person’s needs that came before mine. I think one of the biggest things I’m grieving isn’t just being a glass child. I think I’m grieving the feeling that there was never really enough room for me. I carry a lot of anger toward the adults in my life because sometimes I wonder why protecting their daughter didn’t seem to be as much of a priority as taking care of everyone else. I’m wondering if there are any other glass children who relate to this specific experience.

Did anyone else grow up feeling like it wasn’t just your sibling’s needs that shaped your childhood, but the fact that the adults around you kept asking you to carry more than a child should have had to carry?