Ended my long distance relationship
We met when I was on exchange. July 2024. My first day in Paris, I was 20 he was 24, it was my first time being out of home and he showed me so much of life, and showed me so much of the real Paris. I was always in the closet growing up in a conservative family and for the first time I wasn’t ashamed of my identity with him.
I met so many people, experienced so many things through him. The love was so strong and even when I left the distance wasn’t enough for us to end things. I came back home (Australia) and picked up a shitty bar job and worked my ass off to afford holidays to go back and see him, or to meet him somewhere else. I lost myself along the way, hated my life back in Melbourne and was too drained to see friends or experience life. All I did was miss him.
I’m about to finish my degree and the plan was to move back to Paris. But my family is struggling financially, I don’t really have any savings, and the plan of leaving in the next few months is super unrealistic. I need to help my family out and the long distance was killing us both. He had some problems staying loyal sexually and I forgave him because I understood the struggle of having a partner on the other side of the world. My love for him and dependence was way too strong to end things. I forgave so many times and he did change. I saw him at the start of the year when I went back to Europe and we had a beautiful time, but at the cost of not really discussing where we are in our relationship. He is avoidant and I am very non confrontational.
When I came back in February, I realised I was no longer talking about him with friends, no longer had that itch to plan a holiday to see him, no longer was trying to follow his every move, making sure he was asleep in his apartment, making sure he was going to work. Somewhere along the way I just lost my love for this relationship.
He called me yesterday and bought it up. He said that I don’t love him anymore. But I do, just not in the same way I did before. Long story short, I told him LDR is killing us both, and for me I really detached emotionally after the disloyalty and him staying friends with one of his ex partner. I just wasn’t the same and he missed me being a bit controlling and chasing him. I just became so tired.
I told him I’d love to stay friends, and Paris is still in the life plan, but I need to make sure I make that decision for me and not for us. He can’t stay friends, he needs no contact in order to get over me. I respected that. Deleted our conversation, unfollowed/removed him, not ready to delete his contact yet but it will get there.
I’m glad the breakup wasn’t messy. It’s just sad that we met when I was only in Paris for a temporary period. It’s really harmed us both living with an expiry date, even every holiday was bittersweet and not long enough.
Will I see him again? Probably. But I’m 22 now and need to experience life for me. I am about to graduate and don’t know what I really want so I need to figure that out.
Our relationship in Paris was beautiful. But even he at my age needed to be single to figure things out. I feel guilty for leading him on these past few months, I struggled to call him, to reply, to give beautiful affirmations of love - these things used to come so naturally to me. And he’s really hurt. I hope he can find happiness and I hope things get better for him. I genuinely wish him the best and have so much love for him. I hope to see him in Paris, hug him, and have a coffee together as friends. And I hope that if I do move to Paris, it’s to my own apartment, and that I make that decision just for me.
It feels weird that this is over. But it also feels a bit freeing. I’m sorry my love and this was the right decision for both of us. You will always have a friend in me…