My experience with yumeshipping / debuting my yumeship (The Art of Fazmeow: How drawing destroyed my life)
Hii guys ^^!
This is something I'm trying to put behind me and let go of slowly, but for some reason it keeps resurfacing and the sourness of the feeling doesn't seem to be depleting so I'm writing this so I can hopefully get other people's insights on this (being that its a situation that seems to only happen to me).
I have seen a lot of people's selfships getting lots of likes and interactions online. Initially, I was bullied for such a thing, but apparently, other people were doing it, and there was even a community that welcomed the like (and that was yumetwt)! I've been drawing for practically my entire life, so I thought, "Hey! Maybe if I can draw mine and post about it, maybe I can get interactions and support like that too!" So I joined the yumetwt community and from then the long journey began. Fazmeow, which was the ship between me, Maxie Meow and Glamrock Freddy, was introduced as a selective sharing yumeship. At first I was hopeful about my experience, hoping that I would get as much support as everyone else did, but as time went by, everyone else was getting over 100 likes, getting fame in other platforms and even having fanart being made of their yumeships - whether they were professional artists who did commissions, or people who were just drawing for fun. This felt like such a thorn on my side, especially when it came to other people who yume/selfshipped with Glamrock Freddy. Not that I was jealous of them being with him, but I was livid that I wasn't getting my share of the fame! I didn't understand why I wasn't worthy of experiencing that kind of support. I felt like I was cursed. Why couldn't I be as good as they were?
Towards the end of the year, it finally hit me - no matter what I created, I will never be as appreciated and supported as everyone else. I learned a very humbling lesson: I cannot draw, and I cannot make art, and whatever I did create was only a misconception of art (or specifically, my feeble attempt of making it). It was just as Abby Lee said, I put my heart out on a platter and the world stabbed it by leaving me in obscurity. Even if I can't draw, there was no way I was going to leave behind the internet legacy of being one of the biggest Glamrock Freddy selfshippers, because that could only happen to those who were lucky enough to have their work make the internet go crazy. I don't have artistic talent. I was nothing. I'm not good enough. Not for the audience, not even for Freddy. Of course I still care about him, I just can't bring him down like this. I don't think he cares about me as much as he does with his other yumes. He deserves better than an obscure, fat and hopeless gril that is me...