Need advice
F20 here. Since i was 16 i wanted to get married. My dad was abusive until recently. My dad converted to islam for my mother and then left it to be catholic again so my mother followed. I never met any relatives on either side or been to my mothers country. When i msged my very religious aunt she blocked me... I have sent nudes to a few guys before, but never had s\*x. I need to get married tbh, i feel like my behaviour will escalate eventually (even tho i went on my first ever nightmare of a date where he wouldnt take no for an answer and i was scared of being kissed on the cheek), I honestly had better experiences with muslim men but my parents would not approve. I dont know what to do. Why does everyone do nudes and dating for years! My mom says 6 months marriage max but no non muslim guy will do that for sure ! I cant take it anymore. Nobody understands. I cried so much bc of my sins and every now and then it repeats. I cant find any religion to be right (even islam), and think i should just marry a muslim guy bc the culture is way better. But i dont know what to do about my parents, it would be REALLY bad. Sorry if i intruded here, but ive had a confusing life. I dont fit in anywhere. I want my kids to know arabic bc i dont. I want to live in my mothers country cus tbh i dont like the uk, people r rude and racist and it feels soulless.