u/Guyyma

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost 4 months now. Everything is great most of the time, we genuinely get along so well together and have the time of our lives. I’ve never been so happy with someone before. But all of that kind of stops once we get into an argument.

We argue a lot ever since we started dating, and it’s usually over the smallest things, like if I didn’t hang out with her one day even though we already hang out every day, if I didn’t open the car door for her even though I was doing it all day and just forgot once, or if I didn’t pick up on a hint about something because she says she wants me to take the lead instead of asking what’s wrong. She says I should already know what’s wrong and just do something about it.

And it’s been draining the hell out of me because I genuinely love this girl. I go out my way for her and I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone to show her how bad I want her in my life. I’ve spent money, I drive her everywhere, and I try to do little things consistently just to show her I care.

But as soon as I do something wrong or mess up, she can genuinely snap on me and make it known what I did. She’ll curse at me, yell at me, and in the moment it gets really intense. And every time that happens, it escalates into her saying hurtful stuff, like she doesn’t have to deal with me, she doesn’t know why she got into another relationship, she compares me to her ex saying we act the same and says she doesn’t need me in her life and that I’m the worst.

At first I tried my best to let it slide and just hear her out and tried my best to de-escalate the situation because she said her pre-period symptoms are really bad and that the stuff she says she doesn’t actually mean. But as time goes on, it has genuinely brought me to a point where I can’t take it anymore, and I start defending myself.

But every time I do that, she won’t really hear me at all. If anything, it feels like she makes me feel worse about how I feel, and it breaks me. It feels like she has to be right every time. And the worst part is she rarely ever apologizes, because she thinks she doesn’t do anything wrong, and that just makes me feel even 100x worse.

It’s gotten so bad to the point where sometimes I’ll genuinely break down and start crying because it makes me feel like no matter what I do, she will always get mad at me or find something wrong. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time, and my anxiety is already bad as it is.

And even when I do start crying, she’ll say things like “why are you acting like this,” “stop fucking crying,” or “I know you’re not actually crying,” and it just makes me feel even worse and more confused in the moment.

All of this just builds up over time, and I don’t really know what to do anymore. I care about her a lot, and outside of arguments everything feels perfect, but the arguments are starting to take a real toll on me mentally.

We just got into another argument because her main problem with me is that I’m too emotional, and that I let my feelings get the best of me, that I should push my feelings aside and listen to her in that moment, but I haven’t as of lately because every time something happens in the moment, I start defending myself. Because I can’t take it anymore, and this was probably the worst argument because we usually let things simmer down then go into the next day like nothing happened, which I hate, but it’s what she does. But yesterday, we got into it, Because she was upset and I didn’t act normal. That I should of known she was upset and I should of done something instead of being awkward and quiet. Even though I tried to ask her if she was okay and tried speaking to her, it seemed like she didn’t want to talk to me and didn’t even want to be around me, so I backed off but that’s where I messed up apparently. I asked her what was wrong once again while driving her home and she went off at me, I sat there trying to explain myself what I did, she didn’t want to hear it, she didn’t care, she just got out of my car and I yelled for her and told her I was sorry. She texted me to leave her alone, that she didn’t want anything to do with this anymore. She later tried calling me which I didn’t pick up because I was asleep but then texted me she wanted to apologize on her side of things and things she could of done better, but it still doesn’t change the way she feels. I texted her some things and I left it like it was because all she said was okay.

Part of me is telling me that I should go out there and try and talk to her but the other part of me is genuinely dead, I have gone out of my way so many times to fix our arguments. picked my brain apart and changed so much so I could be the man she wants. But it’s this one thing about me that I can’t change that she doesn’t like. My emotions and how sensitive I am. What can more can I do better to save this relationship? I feel like I’m on thin ice, I just want things to go back to normal, I just want to be happy man

TL;DR: Relationship feels amazing most of the time, but arguments are becoming really damaging and emotionally exhausting. Need advice.