14 yr looking for advice… trigger warning: miscarriage, forms of self harm, and emotional abuse.
Where do I even start? I’m 14 (f) I’m scared. my mom has become my biggest bully. I don’t fear her. but I’m not old enough to get emancipated. she has made it her mission to make me pay for what I don’t know I did. even right now I’m on a burner. she took away my phone that my papa bought for me. because she doesn‘t believe I have that right anymore. for background to help you better form where I’m at. and I will admit to where I went wrong. every single time she switches partners her entire energy shifts, me and my siblings have even been subjected to abuse whether emotional or physical by some of her boyfriends as well. but not only her energy shifts, the household does as well. I have diagnosed ocd and I personally believe it stems from my lack of stability in life because of her choices. I’ve had to move 7 times since 2020 and 4 of those times were with her boyfriends who were all abusive. this last time that we moved. my life changed even more at only 13. In august of last year I met my child’s father. he wee my first. and not even two weeks later I knew something was different with my body. I had been suffering from bullemia at the time and had been rapidly losing weight. so when I stopped I knew I had to rush to dollar tree. I took the test and found out I was pregnant. as a 13 year old that was terrifying. my mom didn’t react well either. I was alone. she then threatened me to have an abortion or she would kick me out. I would’ve had no where to go. my father Isn’t in the picture. I have some family but they live states away. So she ordered the abortion pills as if they were for her. And I remember the day I took them it may have only been 5 pills total? I may be wrong. but I remember pleading in my head that it wouldn’t work. and well it didn’t. but that didn’t spare me from grief… my entire body swelled. I was warm to the touch and filled with water. I still don’t know what happened. but I was 9 weeks at that point and nothing had passed. so I assumed I was still pregnant and that my baby was still alive. I begged for my mom to take my to the obgyn so I could get the proper care I needed whether I kept my baby or not. 6 weeks later. my body still “growing” and changing. we finally go to my first appointment (ultrasound) as I already did my intake. and when I should’ve been 15 weeks along. I remember the look of dread on the tech‘s face. she asked my period dates. kept scanning for what should’ve been a heartbeat and informed me that I had a missed miscarriage. I had to do the abortion pill process all over again and actually pass it. and I cant ever forget that. I’m haunted by that night forever. after that my mom started treating me even worse. it didn’t help that I also found out that my childs father lied to me . all I can say is he lied and was over the age of 18… and was also on ❄️. I can’t even comprehend that time of my life. I had to survive. but where I am now. my moms new boyfriend disssaproves of my interracial relationshi. my bf (16) is African American. but my mom has made it into a control tactic for me. if anyone wants more details into that I can make a part 2. But here I am now. she holds that over my head daily, calling me selfish for almost putting my siblings in a position with a new child in the house. when it wasn’t planned at all! we did use protection and it still happened. she’s held so much over my head. I’ve begged her to forgive me. but it’s too late. I’m making my plan to get emancipated as soon as I’m 16 I have proof of abuse and neglect. any advice is welcome. and I’m sorry for my formatting this is my first time saying anything about my situation ….