I'm extremely scared of getting married, need advice
Lately, I find myself studying every "happily married woman".
It's become this weird game. Someone says, "yeah, I am happy." and I'd start making these calculations in my head.
Who moved?
Who compromised?
Whose career bent?
Whose dreams waited?
Who became responsible for remembering birthdays, doctor appointments, family politics, groceries, emotional weather and everyone's favourite snacks?
And was it worth it?
Sometimes I see a woman talk lovingly about her husband and my first thought is, wow how lucky
My second thought is,Is she really happy or conditioned to be so?
And then I feel terrible for even thinking it.
When I was younger, I just thought find a "good man" and you're set.
Now I'm older and I feel like the tentacles of patriarchy are so deeply seated inside all of us that we've stopped seeing them.
Like we're all zombies walking around calling inherited instincts "choices."
Maybe I want love so badly that I've started interrogating the institution itself.
Lately it feels like every path available to women comes with a warning label.
Stay single and you'll be lonely.
Get married and you might disappear.
I'm currently staring into the void and wondering whether love is freedom, companionship, compromise, or the oldest trick ever played on women.
I'd love to hear from women who are married, divorced, widowed, partnered, happily single, unhappily married.
What am I missing?
What does a good marriage actually feel like from the inside?