u/Hailmaryyyyyyy

I genuinely need to know if this is normal or if my MIL has completely lost her mind, because the audacity of this woman is something else.

I’m currently pregnant with my first child, a little boy, and my MIL has decided she’s going to throw herself a “Grandma Shower.” Yes, an entire baby shower for herself. And the kicker? Neither my boyfriend nor I are invited. 🙃

For some background, my boyfriend and I have been together for eight years. We moved from Arizona to Nebraska last year, while my family and most of my friends still live in Arizona.
My mom and best friend are throwing me a baby shower in Arizona next month, and my boyfriend’s family here in Nebraska is also planning a shower for me. I’m incredibly grateful that both sides of our family want to celebrate our son.

My MIL doesn’t live here in Nebraska, so naturally, she hasn’t been involved in planning the shower here. The family members who actually live here have taken care of organizing everything.

Apparently, though, that isn’t enough.

Instead, she’s decided to throw herself a GRANDMA SHOWER.
A separate party. For herself. To celebrate the baby that I am currently growing.

And again, THE ACTUAL PARENTS AREN’T INVITED.
Now, before anyone assumes that I’m just being a bitter daughter-in-law who doesn’t want her MIL involved, let me give you some background on our relationship.

My MIL and I are NOT close. In fact, we went almost FIVE YEARS without speaking to each other.

And why, you might ask?

Because she started a rumor that I had supposedly said that if I ever had a baby, I wouldn’t allow her to see it.
Let me make something abundantly clear: I NEVER SAID THAT.

At the time, I wasn’t even pregnant. This was an entirely hypothetical child, and somehow she managed to create an entire conflict surrounding a baby who didn’t even exist.
Rather than having a conversation with me, she chose to spread this narrative, and it contributed to us not having a relationship for nearly five years.

Fast-forward to now, and there’s actually a baby on the way.
And instead of using this opportunity to build a healthier relationship with her son and me, she’s behaving in ways that make me increasingly uncomfortable about what our relationship is going to look like once our son arrives.
The irony of spending years claiming I was going to keep a hypothetical grandchild away from her, only to behave like this when there’s an actual grandchild involved, is certainly not lost on me.

And unfortunately, the rumor wasn’t some one-time misunderstanding.

This woman consistently talks shit about BOTH me and my boyfriend. HER OWN SON.

She’s incredibly controlling and seems to have this mentality that if something isn’t done her way, it’s the wrong way. She inserts herself into situations that don’t involve her, questions decisions we’ve already made, and has a difficult time accepting that her son is a grown man with his own family.
Recently, at a family gathering, she cornered my boyfriend to discuss his unused college fund. When he suggested potentially putting that money toward our son’s future or helping with the $14,000–$15,000 in medical expenses we’re expecting from having this baby, it became an unnecessarily drawn-out conversation.

Then, after we’d already told everyone we were leaving, she insisted she needed another 15 minutes of our time.
She proceeded to question how we were transporting gifts home from my Arizona baby shower. We’d already arranged to ship everything through my boyfriend’s employer, but she insisted that another family member should transport everything instead.

Even after I explained that we’d already made arrangements, she continued pushing her idea.

It’s not necessarily any single incident that’s the problem. It’s the constant need to control situations that have absolutely nothing to do with her.

And now, despite there already being TWO baby showers planned for our son, she’s decided that she needs her own celebration.

I understand being excited about becoming a grandmother. I genuinely do. This is her first grandchild, and I would hope she’s excited.

But I can’t help wondering why someone who has spent years speaking negatively about the baby’s parents suddenly feels entitled to an entire celebration centered around herself.
What exactly is the purpose of a grandma shower? Is she expecting gifts for herself? Is she planning on setting up an entire nursery at her house? Or is this simply an opportunity to be the center of attention?

Because from where I’m standing, it feels like she’s more interested in the title of Grandma than actually having a healthy relationship with the people bringing this baby into the world.

And here’s what really gets me.

For YEARS, she perpetuated this completely false narrative that I would keep her future grandchildren away from her.
Now that I’m actually pregnant, I’m making a genuine effort to be civil and allow her to be involved in this exciting chapter of our lives.

But instead of respecting that, she continues to speak poorly about us, disregard our decisions, and make situations unnecessarily difficult.

At what point does someone stop and realize that their own behavior might be the very thing that damages their relationship with their grandchild?

Because I have absolutely no intention of using my son as a pawn in some family feud. But I also refuse to allow someone to disrespect his parents and expect unlimited access to him simply because they share DNA.

Being a grandmother does not automatically entitle you to disregard the boundaries of the child’s parents.

My boyfriend and I have already started discussing what boundaries need to look like once our son arrives, because quite frankly, I don’t see this behavior magically improving after he’s born.

And honestly? I’m exhausted.

This is my first pregnancy. I want to enjoy it. I want to celebrate our son, prepare for his arrival, and experience all the excitement that comes with becoming a mother without constantly feeling like I’m navigating someone else’s need for control.

I don’t want to spend my pregnancy fighting with my MIL, and I certainly don’t want to spend my son’s childhood doing it either.

So, Reddit, I have a few questions.

Has anyone else dealt with a MIL who throws herself a grandma shower? Is this genuinely becoming a normal thing?
And more importantly, how do you navigate a relationship with someone who spent years falsely accusing you of planning to keep her grandchildren away, but now that there’s an actual baby involved, continues behaving in ways that make you want to distance yourself?

Because apparently I’m the one growing the baby, but she’s the one who needs a party. And somehow, I have a feeling this is only the beginning. 🙃