Ok so, we’ve had conflict issues/unmet needs going on for a few years. My husband neurotypical is a classic avoidant style attachment who deflects, defends and withdraws when conflict or deeper discussions are required.
I definitely have unfortunately self abandoned with letting him walk over my boundaries and needs in hope that things change which I know is my own stupidity.
He’s now created a boundary (which I’m all for boundaries) around interrupting during discussions (again absolutely agree with). However as I feel deeply unseen and heard for so long although it’s his boundary which I respect, I have a trigger surrounding the fact that “interrupting” is also something I’m super sensitive about because being adhd, it’s a lifelong struggle. I hate myself for it but he also doesn’t want to understand perhaps why someone with adhd may interrupt, the impulse around it or even when it’s done intentionally vs excitement etc. it’s kind of an attack on my identity to be so judgment with that boundary without being curious about the behaviour too?
I’m not wanting him to change the boundary, it’s not about me in that circumstance but I guess it just hurts to know he doesn’t want to understand or show empathy around why it’s a hard one for me too. Hope that makes sense, but how do I navigate that without sounding like his boundary doesn’t matter? It’s even slightly ableist I feel?