I (18F) don't know what to do anymore with my boyfriend (18M). Lies, betrayal, and feeling pressured.
I (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been together for 7 months. Everything seemed to be going well until I discovered all his lies. He is very shy and "quirky," but he has lied to me about so many things that I don't know what to do anymore.
One of the many lies was about his arousal; he told me he only got aroused through physical intimacy and never from photos or videos. Well, I found the password to one of his 9 Instagram accounts (I know I shouldn't have, but I was desperate). Even though he deleted most of his chats, I found out he actually does get aroused by digital content and masturbates very frequently. He was liking videos of naked anime girls and even "femboys." He had sworn to me that he never masturbated to things like that and that the only "porn" he had ever seen was when he was 9 years old. I never believed him because he has lied about so many things that it would take 12 books to list them all.
The reason I’m writing here is also about our physical relationship. I have always been against rushing into sex. He knew this; he knew I have been touched inappropriately in the past and that I have a very hard time saying "no." One day we were in bed and he started touching me, asking "Can I?". It might seem nice that he asked, but he knew I can't say no. I didn't explicitly say "yes," I just said "mh," so it wasn't even a real yes. Now, he does it every time we are together—literally every day. He just starts touching me and wants to have sex. He doesn't even ask anymore; he only did it that first time.
I don't feel sure about him anymore after discovering he was looking at other girls and masturbating while we were together(i think), something we both agreed would be considered cheating. I thought about reposting videos of other guys to make him understand how I feel, but I'm afraid he might leave me or call me names. I feel "trapped" into staying with him.
Furthermore, whenever we argue and I explain how I feel, he just nods, but then does the same thing the next day. It's like he doesn't understand anything I say. This is his first real relationship. Today, he even smashed his phone in front of me, claiming he did it to prove he isn't cheating. I told him that made it worse because now all the "evidence" is gone, along with my photos and messages that he hadn't backed up.
UPDATE: I found out that he told his cousin we did it, even though I begged him not to because I felt disgusted.
TL;DR: My boyfriend ignores my feelings and recently smashed his phone, claiming it was to prove he's not cheating. By doing this, he destroyed all potential evidence of his actions and most of our shared memories, leaving me feeling trapped and confused.