the aftermath of assault
hi ladies
When a man in your life has given you sexual misconduct- what do you do? Do you go silent, ghost them, or do you tell them that what they did is causing you to pull away for good?
i was becoming friends with a guy. i took him to the kink scene in the city. that’s where some people might blame me- for the audacity to be a sexual being at all. It had been a perfect day when i slept over at his house- hiking, a picnic, shared common interests, the works. We had some intimacy, and then decided it’s time for bed. A couple hours later, I woke up because he was putting his fingers in me. Then he said “oh my god you’re so wet” and started really fingering me hard. I yelped and he stopped, saying nothing, and we both laid there and pretended to be asleep, i guess. Thirty minutes later i got up and said “i need to get home, i can’t sleep, i need a hot bath and to relax.”
Now he keeps inviting me out, and he also asked if i felt safe and comfortable after the night we shared, without bringing it up or admitting that happened.
Years ago, my long term relationship, my high school sweetheart, after seven years together- he tried to smother me in my sleep. I woke up because in my dream i could no longer breathe, and then i woke and I couldn’t open my eyes either, because of the pillow being held down on me. After a struggle I got free and a couple weeks after the incident I left that house and left him. He blamed his OCD and told me I snore, but also told me that breathing strips would make me too ugly to allow me to use them. Insane, yup.
My body and mind simply won’t tolerate this kind of sneaky bullshit.
I don’t think I owe him an explanation of where the night went wrong- and I think an explanation might cause him to leave me be.
What have you done in instances like this?