u/HairyPercentage1440

Young man, that “guy you don’t need to worry about” is exactly who you should worry about.

The “bestie.” The “childhood friend.” The guy who “has always had a crush on me.” The classic “we work together.”

I’m not saying every woman is cheating with her male friends. But if she is unusually close to one particular guy, hiding messages, turning her phone away, getting random calls at odd hours or acting defensive whenever you ask about him, stop ignoring the obvious.

A lot of the time, one of three things is happening: they’ve already smashed, they want to smash or they’re keeping the door open to smash later.

And here’s the important part: don’t become the idiot boyfriend who tells her to unfollow or block him. You shouldn’t have to police your girlfriend’s friendships or beg her to remove another man from her life.

No arguments. No investigation. No ultimatum. No “choose me or him.”

Just leave.

Trust your instincts. You’re not insecure. You’re protecting your peace.

I recently came across a video about singles/speed-dating events in America and how difficult it has become to get men to attend. It made me realise that the same thing seems to happen here in Zimbabwe.

I’ve seen quite a few singles and speed-dating events advertised but I keep hearing the same feedback: they end up being something like 90% women and a handful of men.

So I’m genuinely curious: why do we keep trying to make these events work in the same way?

Men, would you actually consider going to one? If not, why?

Personally I find the whole concept a bit strange. Paying money to go somewhere specifically to meet potential partners in a controlled environment just doesn’t appeal to me. And if I already know there’s a good chance I’ll be one of five or six men surrounded by dozens of women being evaluated and scrutinised as a potential dating prospect I’m even less interested.

It also makes me wonder whether we’re approaching the problem backwards.

Why not get people committed first? For example, get 10 men and 10 women to actually book and commit, then organise the event around those 20 people. At least you know you have a balanced pool of people before putting the event together.

And another thing I’ve noticed: who are these events actually for? Most of the advertising and organising I see seems to come from women.

So I’m curious to hear from both sides. Men, why aren’t you interested in these events? Women, what makes you think they’re a good idea? And if you’ve actually attended one, what was the experience like?

I’ve noticed this topic about Zimbabwean men being “stingy” coming up time and time again, and I genuinely don’t think a lot of Zimbabwean women understand what that word actually means.

If we’re talking about paying for dates, buying gifts or treating your girlfriend to some shopping every now and then, then sure. That’s part of dating.

But expecting your boyfriend, not your HUSBAND, to pay for your rent, hair, bills, car insurance, toiletries, groceries and other monthly expenses is something completely different. What the hell?

Why aren’t you responsible with your own money? What were you doing while other women your age were learning how to support themselves financially? And if you genuinely can’t afford basic necessities, why are you expecting a boyfriend to solve that problem in exchange for sex? Are you a sex worker?

Honestly, it’s a massive turn-off. At some point, constantly asking a man to pay for your basic living expenses starts looking less like being treated and more like dry begging.

What kind of grown adult can’t afford their own grooming, groceries or rent? If you’re struggling that badly maybe dating shouldn’t be your priority right now.

Go back to your parent’s house, get your finances together, learn how to support yourself then come back to the dating pool.

Stop looking for men to save you from poverty. A boyfriend is supposed to be your partner not your poverty rescue plan.

Men are often criticized for having preferences around appearance, age, income, education, lifestyle, WEIGHT or whether someone has children. Actually they are labeled as misogynistic.

Yet women openly having standards is generally accepted as “knowing your worth” or fair.

Why does a man seem to receive more criticism for simply saying what he is and isn’t attracted to? Is there actually a double standard here or is it something else?

Guys, I know Zimbabwe is tough and it’s hard to find a job, but please, for your own good, just lie on your CV. It’s very difficult for an employer to hire someone with huge gaps on their CV or someone who stayed at the same company for over 5 years.

Get your friends and family to pretend to be your references and exaggerate your roles a bit. It’s okay. Sometimes in life you have to fake it till you make it, especially in this highly competitive job market.

Be guided accordingly.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but something really, really annoys me about people who have a habit of always asking for money.

I’m not talking about people who have a genuine emergency or are genuinely down bad. Life happens. I’m talking about people who seem to have chronically poor financial planning and are constantly looking for “soft loans” or cash because they are irresponsible with their money.

And I mean both men and women.

You can be talking to a woman for two weeks and suddenly she needs help paying her rent or bills. You can have a male friend who sees you eating a nice meal or enjoying yourself and suddenly thinks, “This seems like a good time to ask for money.” This just puts me off and I stop talking to such people almost immediately.

And the funny thing is these people never pay you back on time. Sometimes they will never pay you back at all unless you remind them.

A lot of them actually have jobs and some form of income. They go out. They attend events. They go to clubs. They maintain fairly active social lives. But somehow, every other week, they need to borrow money for something.

I genuinely don’t understand it.

If I’m broke and I know I can’t afford to do something, I’ll just stay at home and wait until I get paid. I’m not going to start asking everyone around me for money so that I can maintain a lifestyle I currently cannot afford.

Obviously, if you’re someone I know very well, we have that kind of relationship and you have a good track record of paying me back, that’s different. I have no problem helping someone I trust.

But I’ve also noticed that some people do this very early in friendships or relationships as a way of testing your boundaries. They ask for a small amount, see how you respond then gradually normalise asking you for money.

These days I just say no. No elaborate excuses, no “let me see,” no stories. Just no.

Because once you give someone money who has a chronic borrowing habit, you may eventually find yourself chasing them around a mountain for your own money.

And honestly I think this is a very common habit among Zimbabweans. There’s a culture of casually asking friends and acquaintances for “something small” that I find very strange.

Being temporarily broke is one thing. Building your lifestyle around other people’s wallets is another.

Something we don’t talk about enough as men is how sometimes you meet a new woman who is beautiful, charismatic, intelligent, sexually compatible and genuinely great company. She comes into your life and fits in so perfectly that it almost feels too easy.

Things develop fast and within two or three weeks, you’re basically in a full blown relationship already. You feel like you’ve won the lottery. You think you’re incredibly lucky to have found someone like her. You can spend 3 or 4 days with her at a time, the infatuation is real.

Only to find out later that she was exactly like this with every man before you and will probably be the same with every man after you. She’s already been with five or six other guys you know and many you don’t. She seems to know everyone you know too but it’s weird that you have never met her prior to this.

Suddenly you realise you weren’t lucky or special. She’s just for the streets and you had no idea. That honeymoon phase ends very quickly and by the next week she already has a new unsuspecting partner.

These women are very important for character development because they are often extremely beautiful or have lots of sex appeal. They are very easy to talk to and don’t ask for money or any favors. Just very easygoing and free spirited. I genuinely believe most of us have met one at some point in our lives.

Young black child, when the time comes, just buy that BMW, Benz or Golf GTI. I got my BMW back from an expensive repair this week (blocked DPF and a new turbo) and remembered exactly why I bought it in the first place.

Life is very hard, and if you can afford to make it just a little bit softer, do it.

They will say it’s expensive, the maintenance is high, get a fuel saver, etc… and they are 100% correct. But they are boring and live boring lives. If you can afford to do it, just DO IT and worry about the consequences later.

There are people out there who are now senior citizens but have never felt that smooth, exciting German driving experience.

Young black child, buy that car and enjoy life.

As black people, I think we need to address the elephant in the room. Sometimes I genuinely hate being black, not because of the colour of our skin. I love our skin, our beauty, our talent, our resilience and our culture. What I’m talking about is something much deeper: how we often behave and treat one another.

Why is it that when I walk into a shop where the staff are black, I so often feel like I’m inconveniencing them? There’s no smile, no warmth, no sense that they’re happy to help. The same happens when I call companies like Econet or ZOL. The customer service often comes across as rude, dismissive or irritated. Yet when I visit many white-owned establishments, I’m greeted with smiles, politeness and even friendly conversation.
I’ve had similar experiences in restaurants. The waitstaff spend more time gossiping among themselves than paying attention to customers. Orders are forgotten, mistakes are made and I often have to call someone over just to be served. On the roads, there’s little courtesy. People cut each other off, refuse to give way and drive aggressively.

Then there’s our culture. The media is constantly filled with scandals, celebrity drama and sensational headlines instead of stories that inspire people to be better. We glorify reckless behaviour, criminality and gangsterism while mocking people who are educated, disciplined or trying to improve themselves. Even here in Zimbabwe, we celebrate convicted fraudsters and corrupt politicians calling them “mbingas” while lining up to ask them for handouts.

We tolerate littering, vandalism and a lack of respect for public spaces. We allow children to urinate on the side of the road as though that’s normal. We complain about corruption while rewarding the very people who perpetuate it. We have high rates of single-parent households and incarceration, yet we rarely have honest conversations about the cultural and social issues contributing to these problems.

Almost 50 years after independence, where did we go wrong? We can’t keep blaming colonialism for every problem we face. While its effects were undeniably profound and still have consequences today, at some point we also have to acknowledge that some of our problems are self-inflicted. We have to take responsibility for the things that are within our control.

This isn’t unique to Zimbabwe either. You can see similar patterns in black communities across the world, whether it’s in the United States, the United Kingdom or more recently South Africa. Too often we tear each other down instead of lifting each other up. We glorify destructive behaviour while discouraging excellence. It’s the classic “crabs in a bucket” mentality. Instead of helping someone climb out, we pull them back down.

None of this means every black person is like this. There are countless hardworking, kind, intelligent and inspiring black people. But if we genuinely want our communities to thrive, we have to be willing to acknowledge the behaviours that hold us back instead of dismissing every criticism as self-hatred or racism.

If we can recognise our strengths, we should also have the courage to confront our weaknesses. Only then can we begin to do better.

I’ve noticed a disconnect in these Zimbabwean subs where people try to discuss certain topics or raise important discussion points but the conversations quickly devolve into arguments with trolls and individuals who seem to be deliberately argumentative or contrarian for no meaningful reason.

The purpose of these platforms should be to encourage productive discourse and allow Zimbabweans from different backgrounds, beliefs and perspectives to engage with one another. However, this becomes difficult when discussions are constantly derailed by people who are more interested in provoking conflict than contributing constructively.

The people who manage these subs need to do a better job of identifying and addressing bad-faith engagement. Otherwise, these spaces risk becoming just another toxic echo chamber that serves little purpose beyond generating conflict rather than meaningful conversation.

Where do regular, hardworking and open-minded people actually hang out during the week?

I’m talking about people who aren’t focused on binge drinking, drugs, bar hopping or maintaining an Instagram lifestyle. People who are business-minded, preferably self-employed or business owners, who are not necessarily looking for a religious or church environment, but simply want to network, exchange ideas, grow together, share opportunities and meet like-minded people.

A space where people can have meaningful conversations, support each other’s growth, share job or business opportunities and build genuine connections without the usual gossip, drama or endless debates.

Please share places, communities or events where people like this can be found.