High School prom tonight
I decided not to attend prom night because I didn't have anybody to properly go with. Maybe i should've considered the idea of friends but I felt so disconnected from everybody everything feels completely insincere and my paranoia towards everybody and everything would never.
But tonight is prom night and I feel completely shit that I chose not to go and despite being off self harm for a week and finally going to see a pyschiatrist about it but I really feel super duper strong urges to cut myself again tonight because I really want to feel something; despite all the sharp objects being hidden around the house I have hid a box cutter for emergency uses and I dunno what to do anymore.
Ig something that disgusts me more is that I hate myself for once again thinking how good and happy my ex is knowing I can never feel that way, ig i'm jealous of her boyfriend now even if I don't admit it.