AITA for not wanting my parents involved in my wedding.
I (F, 27) am getting married next year to the love of my life (M, 28). I feel that I should add that this wedding is the most important event in my life, before I met my fiance I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship, my fiance brought me out of a very dark place and I want only joy and light on this day. I can't wait to become his wife and he has been nothing but supportive and will back me with whatever decision I make. My fiancé’s family has been endlessly supportive helping us find vendors, planning, and even generously contributing to things like the photographer and hair without us ever asking.
My own family situation is much more complicated. I lost my birth mom at a very young age. Shortly after, my dad met my stepmom. My relationship with her has always been turbulent; I love her, but she aggressively pushed herself into a "mother" role too quickly, causing a lot of tension. I ended up moving out at 16 to live with my Nan, who has been a light in my life, despite our own occasional ups and downs.
Ever since I announced my engagement, my dad and stepmom have shown zero excitement. When I first told them, my stepmom's immediate reaction was to bluntly tell me not to expect any financial help (I hadn't asked for any). Since then, on the rare occasions the wedding comes up, they either judge my decisions for being "overboard," complain about costs, or push their own preferences (like demanding specific canapés). They constantly remind me that they had a "low-key" at-home wedding, and they even forced the family to watch their wedding video at Christmas, which literally just showed my dad blackout drunk.
To make matters worse, i had been trying to involve them in some of the more fun planning events but my stepmom texted me 30 minutes before my first dress shopping appointment (which she had a month's notice for) saying she wasn't coming since then i havent bothered involving them. Meanwhile, my future MIL was out of the country but begged for photos and updates. My dad has also openly stated many times that he "dislikes weddings" and clearly didn't even take his own seriously.
Here is where the main conflict lies: My Nan is very traditional and wants my dad to walk me down the aisle. At a recent family dinner, she blindsided me by asking him right in front of everyone (im sure she had good intentions but is not very accepting that i do not get on with my parents, she thinks everyone should just get along). I hadn't made a decision yet. He agreed but immediately joked about wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts to the ceremony.
Because of their negativity, lack of effort, and my dad's open disinterest in weddings, I do not want him walking me down the aisle or my stepmom involved in planning. I want a beautiful day surrounded by people who care. I want to demote them to regular guests. However, my Nan is completely set on him walking me, and I'm struggling to find the words to explain it to her without causing a massive family explosion.
If I put my foot down and keep them strictly as guests, AITA?