u/Hairy_Syrup_4780

I am having a mastectomy and Diep flap surgery next month. I am terrified of what it will be like to wake up in a permanently altered body. I have struggled with body image issues in the past and have made great strides with it over the last 3 years. Then the effing diagnosis came.

I have lost interest in so many things that used to bring me joy. I feel like i need a deep sobbing heaving cry, but it won’t come. So I start books books but never finish, can’t get through a podcast, tv show, or workout without being fully present.

I worry that this is going to age me -physically and emotionally- and I’m going to lose vitality.

I scheduled an appointment with a theorist for this week, but even that feels like another task that will be hard to finish.

How do I get past this?

Getting a SMX with DIEP flap reconstruction soon. I’ve only had surgery once - a c-section- so it was WAY more fun and exciting than this.

All I remember about it was being hunched over for a week or so, and finding the first sneeze unbearably painful and shocking.

Everyone keeps telling me that I need to *prepare* for a long and difficult recovery, but nobody has offered exactly how. I now have visions of being sleep deprived, in severe pain, and having drains get caught on everything. And of course looking and smelling completely disgusting be because showering and doing hair will be difficult.

Any tips from women who’ve been there who can tell me how to get my head on straight?