Am I Overreacting For Feeling Invisible So Another Girl Could Feel Special?
Mellow there,
Please tell me if I’m being delulu or if my boyfriend (call him Len) genuinely just refuses to take accountability for his actions.
So me and my BF "Len" were playing Valorant with his best friend (“Will”) and Will’s cousin (“Letitia”). And from the SECOND we got into the game, this man was ALL up in her face. Constantly checking if she’s okay, making sure she’s comfortable, giving her gun skins, complimenting her, hyping her up, laughing at everything she said, explaining things to her, just REALLY going the extra mile to be “friendly.”
Meanwhile I’m literally sitting there in the SAME GAME and not once did he acknowledge me in any form.
And before people say “he was just being nice,” no. There is a difference between being friendly and behaving like you NEED this girl to notice you. It genuinely felt like I was watching my boyfriend try get into another girl’s pants right in front of me while pretending it was just kindness.
What hurt even more is he doesn’t even treat ME like that anymore. So I’m sitting there for basically a whole unrated match (which anyone who plays Valorant knows can feel like FOREVER) just quietly watching my boyfriend put all this energy into another girl while I may as well not have existed.
I kept hoping he would realise what he was doing and calm it down, but nope.
Then comes the part that honestly slapped me in the face.
At one point she asked him if he has a girlfriend. He says yes. Then she asks, “Oh where is she?”
And THIS MAN had to tell her I was literally there in the game with them.
I just quietly went “hi.”
And honestly? That embarrassed me so badly because for a girl to ASK where the girlfriend is, clearly his behavior did NOT come across as “I’m here playing with my girlfriend.” He acted single enough for her to not even clock that I was the gf sitting right there.
And no, I don’t blame her for asking. I blame HIM for making it seem like I didn’t exist.
So afterwards I told him straight up I felt like that was a form of cheating. Maybe not physical cheating, but emotionally? Attention-wise? Absolutely crossing boundaries. Giving another woman THAT much attention and care while ignoring your own girlfriend is disrespectful as hell to me.
And guess what his response was?
“You know she’s the type of girl that goes for any man that gives her attention.”
EXCUSE ME???
So you admit your actions were giving “that kind” of attention then??? Like hello???
And yes, as lovely as she actually was, she DID end up flirting with basically all the guys in the friend group until one finally flirted back and now they’re dating. But, that's not the point, in my opinion HIS actions opened that door, for her to think he is single, in the first place and he refuses to see that.
Now here’s the thing I’m not the only one who thought this was wrong. His best friend’s wife AND two of my friends all independently told him his behavior was disrespectful and crossed a line. For a little while he actually seemed to understand why I was hurt.
BUT NOW…
He went to therapy (which I ENCOURAGED btw because I wanted healthy communication), and the way he told the story apparently made the therapist conclude it wasn’t cheating because she asked him, “Was your intention to flirt with her?”
He said no, his intention was “just to make her comfortable.”
And now he’s running with that like it completely erases everything.
I’m sorry but WHAT kind of logic is that???
So if someone flirts, emotionally invests in another person, makes them think they’re single, ignores their partner and crosses boundaries, it magically doesn’t count because they “didn’t intend” to flirt at the start???
Like no??? Intentions are not the ONLY thing that matters. Actions matter too. IMPACT matters too.
Because if your “trying to make her comfortable” was SO intense that she genuinely thought you were single until told otherwise, while your actual girlfriend sat there feeling invisible and humiliated… then clearly something about your behavior was not okay.
So please Reddit, tell me honestly.
Am I genuinely just being insecure and delulu here? Or does this man seriously need a reality check and take accountability for how disrespectful that whole situation was?
Toodle Noodles for now!