I did the "abandoning people before they abandon me thing'' again
I just split with my bestie of 15 years because I thought she was pulling away from me. The same girl who has been there with me throughout thick and thin, and has on multiple occasions assured me that we are the closest friends on Earth. I have told her how I struggle with BPD and how she's my FP, and she even came up with plans to do together so I never have to deal with the fear of abandonment. An yet, because she did one thing that I perceived as disinterested, I lashed out at her, started a smear campaign, and went stonewalling. Now we don't even talk and she's hurt a lot.
At this point, I don't think I'm capable of having relationships. If I get too close to them, the obsession and fear start, and I will end up ruining it. I feel like a bomb on a timer.
Does anybody feel the same or have any tip ;__;