u/HalbHalbling

Und dann hat die Unfallserie auch nur aufgehört, weil er frontal in nen LKW gefahren ist.

English isn't my first language. Sorry if it doesn't make any sense. I just need to vent, cause I have no one else to talk about this.

My (27F) partner (28MTF) came out as Trans last year, after 11 years of being together and having 2 young kids. She started transitioning earlier this year.

And everything is shifting. Conversations. Interactions with our kids. Family gatherings (my family still doesn't know and it makes me nervous). Trips. Financial things. Intimacy. Everything.

I feel like I'm not allowed to look at old pictures and be happy about them. Instead I get sad and kinda grief my/our past life. I love my partner deeply and i still want to get married. But I kinda miss "my man". Our dynamic was different. Now we still need to sort things out.

But somehting feels off. It's just so fucking much. I can't even really explain it.

We still didn't have "the talk" to our kids, they still misgender her (well she still fine with being called "Papa"). And i don't even know how to do this.

She's exploring herself with clothes, make up, going out with friends and that's totally fine by me and I encourage her to do so.

Our bedroom-life is weird at the moment. She needs and wants different things and I don't know if I'm ready or willing to so it. She want to whole girly-treatment and i can't bring my self up to do it.

Her body is changing and sort of "in between" if you know what I mean. I still think she's the most beautiful human walking on earth.

But I can't say why I have those issues with intimacy.

Everything is fine, except it isn't. Everything is different, is shifting and I don't know what to do.

I'm scared. I'm happy. I'm tired. I'm excited. I'm sad. I'm hopeful. I'm angry.

I love her so much and I still want to marry her. How do I overcome this. Is there an overcome? Or is this just my life now?