I (25) and my sister (40) have always been close but up until my mom died it was a clear sibling dynamic. When my mother got sick she made my sister promise to look after me as I suffer from physical challenges, so much so that I am declared legally disabled. Though I live alone I have state provided assistance two times a week, and my sister comes over anywhere from two to three times a week to help as well. I’m very grateful for her, as in many ways she rearranges her life to help accommodate mine. But the problem comes from the fact that I can literally not make any decision without her approval.
I am not intellectually challenged, but she treats me as such. The last thing that caused her to blow up at me was when my TV broke my care worker arranged for it to be taken off to a recycle plant. My sister said I should have asked her first if I could throw it away. Why? I’m not sure, but that’s just the most recent example of insignificant things I need to run by my sister first or she’ll explode. She has threatened several times that if I disobeyed or do things without her permission ( the time when i volunteered to be an organ donor on my state ID) that she’d stop talking to me. I’m certain these are empty threats, but it’s at the point where I just try to avoid a fight more often than not.
Because she comes over so often, she will know eventually everything I do, so I can’t just not tell her. The times I did only made things worse. Anytime I try to talk to her about it she shuts it down and tells me I’m pissing her off and then refuses to speak further on it. She’s always been stubborn but these past several years have been ridiculous.
I also feel like shit often for even pushing back, so that doesn’t help my predicament. She does a lot for me, more than I feel like a lot of siblings would do, so part of me feels like I should just go along with it all even if it’s stifling. Not even my own mother was like this and even she was a bit of a helicopter parent, but not to this extreme.
I really want my sister back and not this faux warden she’s become but I feel like she’ll never see my point of view no matter what, so I guess this is a vent post more than anything.