Not sure how to go about this but want to vent to someone, anyone. I've been in a relationship with this woman for probably 11 years or so now. I met her at work a bit after getting out of another long term relationship and was interested but didn't want to get into something else right away. We hung out eventually and hit it off. I'm not a very social person so any interest in me I tend to jump on as I don't get much. We started dating casually and eventually moved in together as it was much easier to pay together. A couple years went by and I finally finished school and was looking for opportunities in the nearby big city. As we were talking about moving, and a bit before , she starts saying how her friends and coworkers were asking when she was going to get married to which I tried to sidestep as I wasn't in a financial place to get married. I couldn't afford a ring really, I couldn't afford a ceremony seemed daunting, I had no one to invite to a wedding, and, most importantly, I wasn't ready to be married but I thought my relationship was going to fall apart and the rest of my built life after. So I did what I could, I bought a ring I could afford a shitty ring only a few hundred dollars and I tried to think of a way to propose. I proposed on Christmas, trying to be romantic, but it still felt like a shitty cop out.
That was probably almost 4 years ago now, we're still not married, trying to figure out what we both want for a wedding vs what we can afford. We've been back and forth on different things we wanted but I just wanted to be realistic and do something small while she kept throwing out more unrealistic ideas. I easily picked out a type of ring for myself but she can't pick a ring at all, saying she has an idea but not sure despite looking over many in stores and online. That's one issue.
Also I feel like we have different love languages as our sex life has dried up. We're interested in different things regarding sex, I like oral stuff but she wants to be more touchy-feely, I thought that was fine at first and the sex was fine. It was good at first but I started noticing her eyes and face change during, like she's having a conversation with herself, and not really looking like she's enjoying it. As I started noticing this I felt like having sex less and less until I felt like masturbating was just easier. Recently I noticed that she starts touching my arm or whatever in bed when she's trying to start something like the other night she was doing this as she was playing on her phone in bed and I viewed it as her messing with me rather than trying to initiate something. I told her to stop but she got a little upset saying she was trying to initiate something.
Long story short, I'm not sure where I stand here. I have built this life with her but I don't know what I should do. I know relationships are work but I just don't know how to deal with this.