u/Hammbone2007

I’m a divorced father in Texas trying to determine whether my situation sounds serious enough to justify pursuing a modification of our custody order.

My ex-wife currently has final authority over educational and medical decisions. Over the last 1-2 years, my oldest son (middle school age) has struggled significantly in school academically and behaviorally. His grades have declined badly, he has received multiple suspensions, and teachers/school staff raised repeated concerns about ADHD.

I pushed for the school to evaluate him for accommodations because I strongly suspected ADHD (I have ADHD myself and recognized many of the same struggles). My ex resisted allowing evaluation for quite a while before eventually agreeing after pressure from the school district. He now has a 504 plan in place, and school professionals indicated he showed strong signs consistent with ADHD, but he still has not received a formal medical ADHD evaluation or treatment because my ex controls medical decisions.

The school and teachers have been on my side and know that I'm extremely involved. My ex-wife and I are both re-married and have another child.

What makes this difficult is that my oldest is actually an incredibly talented and motivated kid and is enrolled in all accelerated classes and makes A's and B's. He plays high-level/select baseball, plays electric guitar in a youth band, and generally thrives when he has structure, mentorship, and activities around him. The academic/behavioral issues seem very environment-specific. He's just not reaching full potential and wants to live with me.

There are also ongoing co-parenting issues:

• we are court-ordered to attend co-parenting classes but ex refuses to attend. We did not put a completion date on the decree.
• communication is poor,
• extracurricular participation has repeatedly been disrupted due to refusal to cooperate with transportation/scheduling. Has been kicked off a high-level select team because mom wouldn't take him to practices or bring him to tournaments on her time. She also wouldn't let me take him on her time or allow anyone else take him.
• The overall parenting relationship has become increasingly rigid and difficult.

My oldest son has recently expressed wanting to attend school where I live instead. I have remained in the same community for many years where the boys have strong support systems including grandparents, lifelong friends, activities, and extended family involvement. In fact, I got the house in the divorce and my mom, who my sons are incredibly close with, bought our old house and lives a mile away from where I live now.

One complication is that I also have a younger son (9), and I do not want to separate the boys from each other. I’m trying to think carefully about what would actually be healthiest long-term for both children rather than just reacting emotionally.

I understand Texas courts do not modify custody lightly, and I’m not looking to “win” against the other parent. My concern is whether the current arrangement is still serving my oldest son’s educational and emotional needs effectively.

For attorneys or parents familiar with Texas family law:

• Does this sound like the type of situation courts take seriously for modification? (Decree was finalized in 2020 and has not been modified since then)
• Would delayed educational/medical intervention matter?
• How much weight do courts give to a middle-school-aged child’s preference?
• Is it realistic to seek modification of educational/medical decision-making rights without seeking full custody?
• How do courts typically handle situations where one sibling may clearly want change while the younger sibling is still too young to meaningfully express preference?

Appreciate any honest feedback from people who’ve been through something similar.