Sorry for all the yap lmao u can skip it but I just wanna explain why Im asking this question so u guys dont think im just saying this to just see an interesting story.
Earlier this year, I had to cut off a friend with BPD. Before, I had a good idea that she had BPD beacuse she was my closest friend and we both trusted eachother with everything. This means that she told me all of her symptoms, all of her frustrations at all times, everything in her childhood, (me too). I am pretty sure she had psychosis too. I already knew this girl had paranoia since she thought people were stalking her at all times and saw hallucinations, sjhe actively had a terrible drug probelm so I knew it was making it mcuh worse. I lknew her violenbt actions perviously, and all of her thoguhts but Ive never judged her for it.
I want to elaborate on HOW close we were before I say what happened because I wantto give some context on my feelings and stuff and her character. I knew her as the most empathetic, most loving friend I ever had. She was the first frined Ive ever FULLY trusted since she was so welll spoken and genueinly was invested in everything I would say/ She cried like crazy whenever I would get hurt, whenever people would hurt me, and was always htere for me when I was going through smth, genueinly my ideal friend who was kind but fit me so well too. I had terrible anxiety and was stressed over thesmallest things yet she not only stuckw ith me, but talked me through EVERY STEP. shes the reason why I odnt have chronic anxiety,shes the reason why Im more social. She was the only friend I could talk to for a day without ever getting bored, and I could laugh with until I was clutching my stomach every day. Though she had a lot of friends and was basically p popular, she stuck with me even when I had none and never judged people off os sueprficial things. I still love her so much and dont resent her for anything that Im about to say/
One day, something happened between us where I disagreed with her on a topic that she was incredibly paranoid with since in our friendship, I often trie to hold her accountable when I can. (mind u we have never argued before this and she was the only one I ever trusted enough to disagree with) That time, she split on me and was threatening me and planning to hurt/kill me, my family, and my firends for multiple days. After that I knew I had to cut her off. After her episode, she was normal again and apologized like crazy but I knew her very well and I knew that despite her saying that it was a sign for her to get help, she would just get used to it and never get help. She would never quit drugs, and eventually hurting me would feel normal maybe. The last time I talked to her was a call for several hours and I told her everything I would regret not telling her after I stopped talking to her, I told her how much I loved her, how grateful I was to her, how I would never be shitting on her ever since I still cherished her sm, how I really wanted her to get better and to know her in the future and we both cried.
I dont regret cutting her off, but I have been thinking about her litterally every day because seh was such an integral part of my life. After every big event, every problem I had I would tell Lehr right away and we wojuld talk about it and i would feel THAT much better, but I dont tell anyone anymore. Recently, ive been tempted to deadass just dm her again so we can meet one more time and to invite her to my graduation (im graduating and I always planned w her that she would be there) but that would be unfair to my other friends taht she threatened.
I just want to know if anyone had similar expereinces but they stayed instead of left and if they regretted it/ didnt regret it. I heard that finding people with simialr experiences is super reassuring and This stuff is still hitting me really hard and I just need to make sure I dont reconnect w her