u/HannahPhophanna

I met my Fiancé in the fall of 2024, and we got pregnant shortly thereafter. We both wanted kids and I was aware he was bipolar; I had suspicions he was an alcoholic. Fast forward to now, we have a beautiful baby, and my fiancé is going through a mixed episode. I don’t know when it started, probably over a year ago when we found out we were pregnant. He’s been using cocaine, drinking, and smoking pot. I smoke pot at night now to calm me down. While I was pregnant things got physical once or twice but it was usually me who threw the first punch; he would get very aggressive and angry and say horrible things to me and follow me around so I couldn’t avoid him saying stuff. I threatened to leave multiple times and that just escalated the situation with him, he threatened to change the locks etc. After I gave birth he went on a major coke binge. He wouldn’t touch the baby, we got into horrible physical fights after verbal disputes, he threw the first punch but due to my rings on my hands he looked like he got it worse than I did, and ended up going to a strip club where he ended up being arrested for not paying a tab (he disputes), and came home with a black eye. About a month after that, he took a bunch of shrooms while drinking and ordered a hooker to our home. I came down to grab a bottle for the baby and saw her before anyone’s clothes had come off, and she left. Then things simmered down for a little. He switched from hard liquor to beer which did make a difference in his attitude. Then, the worst happened - he lost his job. Due to the pending charges his career might be over. He’s spiraling, doing coke, not sleeping, then sleeping days. He’s vicious and mean to me, and I am shouldering all of taking care of the baby - I take the baby to work with me! Then I come home I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I make his lunch, I bathe our baby, I put our baby to bed, I wake up throughout the night to feed the baby. I confronted him saying I feel overwhelmed and he is not pulling his weight. He reacted viscerally and the next day said he is stressed and lost his job and I shouldn’t be adding to his plate by making him feel worse than he already does. He’s going between grandiose “I’m going to sell drugs” to breaking down and crying in front of me then onto cussing at me and stomping around the house angry. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him, and I am growing resentful of being the only caregiver to our child. How long do I keep weathering this storm?