I (18 F) have been dealing with mental health issues for as long as I can remember and I'm really fed up. I'm so anxious about everything constantly. Any time something new comes up, I'm scared of it. I always have a stomach ache because of this, and sorry if this is tmi, but I'm on the toilet up to 5 times a day sometimes.
I'm always uncomfortable for one reason or another, and I feel so overwhelmed by just feeling in general. It's hard to explain, but I feel like my body just aches with so much feeling. It's similar to those aches you get when you have a really bad case of the flu. Everything is too much and I'm so stressed.
I feel so guilty for being stressed as well, because I don't necessarily have anything to be worried about. I have an objectively good life and I'm very grateful that I'm this fortunate. I just struggle so hard to do things that are so easy.
I get so many chances to relax and unwind but I physically can't because I'm stressed about the future and all the awkward social interactions I have to do, plus all the things I need to get done around the house that I don't have the motivation to do. And I can't forget trying to find a job as well.
I'm so exhausted. I don't finish anything I start, so I don't start anything. Living physically hurts but I don't want to die because that hurts too. I feel so trapped.
For about 5 months I've been trying to help ease each day by rotating through cannabis, alcohol and codeine and I know it makes my emotional state worse in the long run, but I just want to do what I have to do and stop letting people down.
I have the worst mood swings, it's so frustrating trying to improve on my mental health when every few days I go into a depressive hole.
I know what is supposed to help me, but I've gone through the motions of making a change to my life several times over the years and I always just come back here. I want to cry because I just want to stop feeling so much. I have no hope that this will ever get better.