u/Happy--Soul

Just the question basically, I am traditionally attractive but I have never taken pride in it because I dont believe that I had anything to do with it. On the other hand, my husband is the most handsome person for me in the world, he has kind eyes and a childlike smile that makes me so happy. I am always flabbergasted by the audacity of some people who just blatantly comment that I deserved better. The first time I heard that I was so stunned that I was speechless and since then I have thought of so many replies that I could have told that person but nothing as blunt as the comment.

If you were in my situation what would you say?

I come from a tier 2 city in india and see that dowries are still so very common.

When I got married, my parents were planning to give dowry to find a good partner for me, thankfully I had a love marriage and therefore had a say about it. Now my younger brother is getting married in a love marriage setup too and is against dowries, so my parents have not spoken about it directly. But they keep indirectly mentioning about our relatives who got huge sum of dowries. It infuriates me as girl, to expect dowry from a girl just because she was born a female.

I have tried calling them out more times than I can remember but it does not even reach their ears. They keep mentioning that our son is a diamond, that girl is so lucky to have found him, we are not even asking for anything bla bla bla, as if, just because they have a son they are entitled to something. Sure my brother is amazing but the way they put it its like putting him on a pedestal without even knowing much about the girl he is marrying. At this point I am just ranting on how the society around us is constantly making us feel small for being a woman.

I am a 33 f happily married. I am on an edge about having kids. I have been career oriented up until now in my life, but now I feel a change within me to have a beautiful family. But I am not sure if I will be able to manage the baby with a full time career. We live outside of india, so the help is minimal except my husband and I.

I haven’t had the most emotionally available mom growing up, not blaming her as she had her own issues. But I try my best to be not like my mom and this is one area where I dont know I will be better. I have tried therapy to deal with my childhood traumas but I still have my doubts.

My husband is supportive through all of this and has told me that it will be my decision and if we decide to have kids he will be available in every possible way for us.

I have asked many female friends on how did they know about having a baby, they all say you will feel it in your heart. I haven’t felt it yet. I wonder if I decide to not have a baby that we will regret it in future.

I do love kids and deep in my heart, I really want us to have a family but I am not sure. So existing moms, could you please help me understand how you decided on having a baby ? And moms with a job, how do you manage all of it without feeling like you are missing on? Are my feelings even valid? Or am i overthinking :( I am just looking to talk through someone with similar experiences in life and get their perspective