Married to a monster - F43 M39
Me 43F and 39M been married for 12 years. My husband doesn’t shower,brush his teeth, go to the doctor (he has high blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides and a family history of heart disease) hasn’t filed our taxes in 10 years. I’ve asked him if he can arrange to get our air ducts cleaned and he isn’t taking this seriously.
He also is extremely controlling and manipulative. If there is something that’s concerning me, he immediately shuts me down, tells me to leave him alone, calls me names like a cunt or a fucking idiot.
Most of my concerns are around my kids. Yes sometimes it ends up being nothing but other times, there is a legitimate problem. You just never know but I always err on the side of caution. We have an old house from the 60. Some work has been done on it since but the fireplace is original. Often times these old fire places have asbestos in the firebrick which over time can break down. We have only used it twice in 8 ish years but we never cleaned up the ash. Surely it was used by its previous owners.
There is a big pile of ash in the fireplace that also collects dust on the floor around the fireplace. The ash has been there for years. Admittedly we don’t clean the floors often. My daughter has reactive airways disease. A common cold goes straight to her lungs and can knock her out for days up to week. She has puffers and in the past, she had to be nebulized many times. She should have outgrown it now by 10, but she hasn’t. I realized I want to get my home tested for asbestos. To ensure our place is safe for our kids.
This led to him freaking out at me. Calling me names, swearing at me, not letting me ask questions and shutting me up/cutting me off every time I try talking to him about this. Mind you I will be paying for the testing. He told me I’m a fucking idiot and I have asbestos in my brain.
I also asked him to drill some holes in our walls a few weeks ago to put something up. Again as it’s an old home. I asked him to put duct tape on the wall and drill it, as that’s often recommended as a safety measure incase there’s asbestos in the drywall. He said no. I asked him why not and he said “because.” He often withholds information by not answering. I asked him today if he wiped down the area (walls, baseboard, floor) after he drilled then he responded “did you? Did you” knowing full well I didn’t. I was simply asking how well he cleaned up after.
He also is incredibly cheap and has made our daughter feel bad (by looking and acting grumpy) every time he has to buy her clothes or spend money on her. So she developed a complex.
His dad is toxic as well. I’m seriously considering leaving him bc I hate him and want to be with someone else. I also look at other women’s husbands with such jealousy that they are married to men that are able to have hard conversations, listen, be respectful.
What are your thoughts?