after countless hours of introspection i STILL cant find my exact type. i just feel like my perspective is a dead end, so id like your perspective(s). thank you in advance for reading this overly long paragraph
1. What is your current plan for the next 5 years of your life?
i want to graduate high school, and go to university. then once im done with university im not too sure. i'd love to buy a home in idk rural germany or whatever and then work from there, being my own boss and working from home sound amazing. as for the rural part, i dont like cities that much. too loud, chaotic, distracting, and full of annoying people. but i dont want to be too far from one. i like going to the city once in a while, especially with friends. what im getting at is that i want to be able to go to the city, without the city being able to come to me. also i really like nature, its beautiful, calm and hiking while listening to music is a top 10 experience. if that doesnt work out tho (which tbf, its probably not), ill probably end up as a jobless bum. or submit and work a boring engineering job. maybe run a crypto scam? /j
2. What are your thoughts on language?
i despise it. language is so limiting. thougjts dont only exist as words. they exist as images, networks, half formed intuition, and yes also words (sometimes). everytime i want to express one of these edgecases i have to compress and pick the closest option, which removes all nuance and specifics behind that thought and turns it into a structured robotic sentence. which just doesnt come off the way i want it to. language is built for strict, easy communication not for precision. i guess what im getting at is that i have so many thoughts, experiences, and feelings that language forces through a flawed translation layer and doesnt allow me to express as they are.
3. How do you find physical comfort?
i mean its obviously important to me, and i have a tendency of sleeping and staying in my bed all day if given the chance. but i can compromise on it. if theres something else more important i dont mind sacrificing it.
4. Are your feelings obvious to you?
yes but i have a tendency to detach from them. i know what im feeling, i just dont really... feel it? i cant explain it perfectly. i do feel very deeply, i just cant express it nor really actively get influenced by. which thinking purely logically is a good thing, but it makes everything feel less authentic which i dont like.
5. How do you feel about authority?
its a necessary evil, without it society wouldve collapses long ago. as positive as this description sounds i dont actually follow authority, if i think it makes sense and the authority is earned, then i do. but i dont follow rules because they're rules, i follow them because, well, without them i negatively impact everything around me. as an example : im not allowed to chew gum during class, the reason is that people have a tendency to spit out the gum and put it on the underside of the table. well i dont do that, but i do chew gum. okay this is a dumb example really minor rule. uhh maybe piracy's a better example? no not really. i mean i used to shoplift from big chains as a kid, i guess.
6. Do you believe you have strong reasoning skills?
i hate that i do think so. ive constantly been praised for being smart, having great deduction skills, being a problem solver, etc. but i still act all humble, while deep down believing i do have all those skills. i dont like feeling superior, but i do like being superior, in a sense. so in general, yes i do believe i do, im not gonna brag about it tho.
7. Describe something you find aesthetically pleasing.
dark and muted colors, idk i really like those, thats all i can really describe tho. i cant really describe what i find aesthetically pleasing, i do care about aesthetics, not to the point of sacrificing function but i really do. i customize all my homebrewed consoles, dress prioritizing aesthetics, etc etc. well my room is a mess but ill just ignore that.
8. Do you trust your internal reactions towards people?
i mean, depends on what is meant with "internal reaction". does it mean the gut feeling you get when you meet someone? in that case, yes, but theres a really big caviat. if i cant reverse engineer my intuition logically, i dont trust it as much as my logic. ill still keep it in mind, just not prioritize it. if "internal reaction" means "your opinion on someone regardless of how they present themselves/how other people think of them" then yes 100%. if someones a well liked person, but i despise them because of my analysis on them, my opinion stays firm.
9. How does it feel to think of the future?
surprisingly good. i consider myself a quite pessimistic version, usually assuming the worst, and also preparing for the worst. but when it comes to the future in a very general roundabout way? i just feel like it'll all be fine. all im relying on is myself, and in a sense, im 100% sure myself wont let, well me, struggle. i cant explain it. im just confident that whatever happens, i can take it.
10. How do you organize information?
i build surprisingly organized (for how non organized im outside of my mind) internal frameworks. i cant really explain it, it doesnt all happen consciously. on the retrieval part does. but whatever information i get and process, gets saved and sorted. then i have multiple expanding folders to look through, which makes it easily retrievable, precise, modifiable, and accurate. it just takes awhile to be 100% confident in the information, but once i do its all neatly organized just waiting to be used
11. Do you have a daily routine?
i mean, i guess? i wake up, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, school, homework/study, freetime, dinner, shower, freetime, sleep.
but i dont strictly follow it, and i have no problem straying for it however i like. its less of a routine and more of what the options are which i usually choose. that might be the exact definition of a routine but whatever im not too sure.
12. Describe one of the best moods you have ever been in. And the worst.
summer break a year ago. i was pretty depressed (as in no routine, shitty sleep schedule, extreme social anxiety, suicidal thoughts and fantasies). i was waking up at 4pm and going to sleep at 5am. and i isolated myself from everyone, which honestly wasnt the bad part kinda peaceful. i was also balancing this while talking to a girl i liked (only person i didnt want to isolate from), and was scared to reply and mess it up, while at the same time feeling guilty for ghosting her and all my friends. i mean it was kind of peaceful and liberating in a sense. to quote emil cioran here "without the idea of suicide, i would've surely killed myself". i was extremely emotionally burned out and just didnt want to feel anymore. honestly i knew i would never do it, that persistance that i described earlier was still a thing here. not a happy time tho. and for the best moment? i dont really know. i often have small moments where i think "if my whole life was just this moment, i wouldnt be mad" like seeing a besutiful view after hiking up somewhere, discovering a new favorite album while lying on your bed, finally finding the solution to a problem i have, just reading on a cozy winter evening with snow outside is enough tbh. im happily satisfied in general
13. What is your greatest strength?
i think my logical reasoning, deduction, just logic in general? im not too sure. its the thing i mostly rely on though so ill say its probably that. all my other strenghts rely on it, well most of them but still. its kind of hard to know exactly but i think yeah, it traces back to that.
14. In what ways are you resilient? Are you an inspiration to others?
im not resilient in the classical sense, but if i really set my mind on something, im gonna achieve it, no matter what i have to do for it. i dont believe im worthy being inspired from, from the outside i guess i am. but im a deeply flawed person, i know everyone is but me being extremely conscious of it isnt helping at all. you should be your own biggest inspiration and motivation.
15. What is your biggest fear?
the unknown. but its not just a fear, it also pulls me in, it fascinates me. i want to uncover it, maybe its because of my curiosity, maybe its to relieve my fear of it, i dont know. but something about pure unknown just has this quiet intensity which i cant fully grasp. and the worst thing about it? its always present. you can never know everything, or anything at that. knowledge is unfortunately relative, which just fascinates me even more
16. What feels like a waste of time to engage in?
ive been sitting with this question for a while, and i cant come to a concrete solution. nothing is, or everything is, depending on your needs, wants, and other context. as a quick example, i think smalltalk is pointless. it wastes time and encourages fake connections. but someone could say "small talk acts as social cushioning between people and also makes it clear they respect eachother", and id agree. but to me it doesnt make sense, since i can read people well enough to know if they respect me, and i dont care about social cushioning as unless you're close to me, i dont really care what you think of me and if i come of as harsh and blunt. see how this can spiral quickly? that was a bad example but you get my point.
17. Are you a leader? What qualifies or disqualifies you as one?
i mean, i can be one if needed. i usually prefer to just observe and indirectly influence important decisions. under normal scenarios i take everyone's wants and needs in consideration, making them happy enough to actually do something for the team, but with the endgoal still being my own wants and needs. under not so normal scenarios (eg a project that directly lines up with what i want to do) im great at forcing productivity out of people, and dont feel uncomfortable using leverage to do so. im usually not so ruthless tho and tend to try to handle things democratically
18. When do you feel the most collaborative with others?
when we share a common goal or when i care about that person and want to help them
19. Do you overcome doubt and hesitance? Explain why or why not.
no, but i act anyway. theres no way to know if you're 100% right, and if it will 100% work. but if the chance is so high, why not just go for it? whats the worst that can happen? and most of the time, its nothing to worry about, and usually fixable
20. Do you yield to others? If so, in what situations do you do this? How do you feel about it?
sometimes. when i do its just because its not worth the effort of arguing, and its just not important to me. if its something important to me, then never
21. What are you looking to get out of the typing process? Do you have ideas for your type(s)?
this is not for self discovery. i know myself perfectly, atleast i know myself perfectly to the extent of my knowledge of what i can know. im bored, introspection is fun, and it helps relieve my insatiable thirst for knowledge. pretty much it
also ive contemplated between lvef, lfev, and flev and maybe a stretch but vlef and levf are also possibilities (albeit low ones). i know this comes of as lvef but i dont relate to descriptions of 2V, tho that may be because they're so stereotyped
thank you so much for reading this, i know it was not fun lmao. also uhh if you're in the mood try vibetyping me in other systems (mbti, enneagram (maybe special focus on my tritype🤔🤔shi im not so sure about what i type there either), socionics, etc.) i want to know how i come off. and again thank you