How do I forgive myself for mistakes I made
I’m a 22-year-old male who has only been in one serious relationship. It was long distance and started when I was 14 and ended when I was 20. I know first relationships (especially long distance) rarely last long, but this one had a profound impact on me—it accounted for over a quarter of my life.
It ended because of my own mistakes: breaking promises, neglecting to listen to her problems, and failing to give her enough attention. When I finally realized my errors, I resorted to love bombing her in a desperate attempt to fix things. At the time, I didn’t realize that was harmful, and the relationship ended terribly.
It’s been nearly three years since then, and I desperately want to start dating again. However, whenever I find someone I’m attracted to, I get scared and chicken out. I’m terrified of rejection and afraid of repeating those same mistakes. At the same time, I don’t want to overcorrect by denying myself the space and boundaries I need, so I end up suppressing my feelings entirely. I’ve tried convincing myself that everything will be fine and that I’m just overthinking it, but the harder I try, the more impenetrable that wall feels.
On top of all that, we never did anything physical and because of that, I’m a virgin, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to find someone who is accepting of that. I don’t know how to get over this barrier, forgive myself for the mistakes I made, or open myself up to the possibility of being seen and accepted exactly as I am.